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Help me with some Dwarven Limericks!

Discussion in 'Creativity Surge' started by Master of Nuhn, Feb 28, 2012.

  1. Master of Nuhn

    Master of Nuhn <a href="http://www.sorcerers.net/Supporters/index

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    I'm about to play a dwarven barbarian/battlerager (races of faerun prc) and pious templar of Hanseath, the dwarven deity of war, alcohol and carousal. :D
    For the battlerager prc you need 2 ranks in Perform (Sing) and Perform (any). I chose Comedy for the last, with a focus on limericks (and joketelling) Charisma is his dumpstat, though. :p

    I want to come up with some limericks. I made some, but I need more. And because my English isn't as good as most of yours, rhyming becomes a bit difficult. I thought it might be a good idea (and fun) to ask you to make some limericks that dwarves might sing. So please let me hear what you got!

    Here are the ones I made sofar:

    There once was a Dark-elven bowman
    aiming at me for a moment
    I spat "Boy, you wish
    you had the stomach for this"
    as my axe opened up his abdomen.


    There once was a dragon chromatic
    who was anything but ascetic.
    It came to our feast
    and drank like a beast,
    but compared to a dwarf it's pathetic!


    In humanlands, the greatest brewers
    make ten kegs of beer, maybe fewer.
    Neither tasty, nor strong,
    that piss does belong
    with the rest of it, down in the sewers.
     
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2012
  2. Blackthorne TA

    Blackthorne TA <a href="http://www.sorcerers.net/Supporters/index Staff Member

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    Nice!

    How's this:


    There once was a dwarf named Bombur
    Whose skull-cracking skills were unsure
    He took to the axe
    Excelled that's the facts
    Now skulls disappear from shoulders!
     
  3. Splunge

    Splunge <a href="http://www.sorcerers.net/Supporters/index

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    A neighbor of mine shaved his beard
    Without it, he really looked weird
    His wife made him pay
    For a used face toupee
    But it made him look worse that we feared


    My cousin’s a dwarf we call “Tiny”
    Who keeps his axe polished and shiny
    He’s shorter than most
    But at least he can boast
    That he head-butts his foes in the hiney

    :p
     
    Master of Nuhn likes this.
  4. Blackthorne TA

    Blackthorne TA <a href="http://www.sorcerers.net/Supporters/index Staff Member

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    Ha!

    A dwarf to a man may seem small
    It's true that they're really not tall
    But when orcs come on down
    From mounts to your town
    Who else would you want on the wall?
     
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2012
    Master of Nuhn likes this.
  5. Master of Nuhn

    Master of Nuhn <a href="http://www.sorcerers.net/Supporters/index

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    Haha! This is cool! As a dwarf would say: You guys rock! :)
     
  6. Blackthorne TA

    Blackthorne TA <a href="http://www.sorcerers.net/Supporters/index Staff Member

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    Dwarves are the greatest of fighters
    Peerless when fighting the blighters
    Their slaughter was good
    Dead stacked up like wood
    So please go get me a lighter
     
  7. Splunge

    Splunge <a href="http://www.sorcerers.net/Supporters/index

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    A tankard of dark dwarven ale
    Will go to your head without fail
    Notwithstanding your height
    You could get in a fight
    And you’ll have your arse sitting in jail
     
  8. T2Bruno

    T2Bruno <a href="http://www.sorcerers.net/Supporters/index

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    There's nothing like a fine dwarven lass
    Stout, strong, a nice beard, and quite crass
    So much like a man
    Cop a feel if you can
    Lest you wake with a pain in your.....
     
  9. Blades of Vanatar

    Blades of Vanatar Vanatar will rise again

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    da orcs are grunts
    da goblins are runts
    da humans are weak
    da elves are freaks
    and our dwarf-maids have hairy cheeks!
     
  10. Blackthorne TA

    Blackthorne TA <a href="http://www.sorcerers.net/Supporters/index Staff Member

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    Dwarves, they do love them some beerage
    Their lust for it is without peerage
    They drink far and wide
    Wherever they abide
    Especially when trapped down in steerage
     
  11. damedog

    damedog Gems: 14/31
    Latest gem: Chrysoberyl


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    There once was a dwarf by the sea,
    who's head was barely up to my knee.
    I made fun of his height,
    and before I could fight
    he had cut me down like a tree.
     
  12. Master of Nuhn

    Master of Nuhn <a href="http://www.sorcerers.net/Supporters/index

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    Thanks guys! Those are great!

    I made a sort of ballad-like song that my character would sing. Not really limericks, I think, cause the lines are longer. I'm quite content with it and I imagine it's sung on the melody of The Limerick Rake:
    [youtube]mtMrltrWck0[/youtube]

    I am a fellow both crazy and bold,
    protected by armor worth thousands of gold.
    I'll never get wise,
    just because my demise
    will arive way before I get old.

    I love me a hooker and skewers of pork
    after fighting off giants, hobgoblins and orcs.
    The guards of the keeps
    often find me asleep
    among bottles of liquor uncorked.

    In bloodstained gear I spend many a night
    at the temple of Hanseath, right after my fights.
    I dance, laugh and cheer
    and I'm drinking my beer
    'till the rooster would herald the light.

    Some day my heart stops to beat, but what gives?
    Men only fear death if they don't truly live.
    So when at last
    my own life comes to pass
    you might call it a blessing or gift.

    Always remember my soul is at peace,
    'cause I know I'll be joining the ranks of Hanseath.
    Put my corpse on a pyre,
    then set me afire
    and honor my life with a feast.
     
  13. Splunge

    Splunge <a href="http://www.sorcerers.net/Supporters/index

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    Nice! It works really well with the song, too. :)
     
  14. Master of Nuhn

    Master of Nuhn <a href="http://www.sorcerers.net/Supporters/index

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    Thanks! To be honest, I kinda based it on this melody. I was wondering what the melodies of foreign limerick songs would sound like and stumbled upon this. Also, the theme is based on the (last) lyrics: honoring a scoundrel who loved life.
     
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