*Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
*Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
*Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
*Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
*Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
*Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
*Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
*Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
*Miners Refuse to Work after Death
*Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
*War Dims Hope for Peace
*If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
*Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
*Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
*Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
*Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
*Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
*New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
*Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
*Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
*Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
*Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
*Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Well not newspaper (i'd seen all those before btw) but heres some church bulletin board ones -

Church Bulletin Bloopers

1. Don't let worry kill you - let the church help.

2. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

3. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Smith, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Smith.

4. Wednesday, the Ladies' Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing
"Put Me in my Little Bed", accompanied by the pastor.

5. Thursday, there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study.

6. This being Easter Sunday, we ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay and egg on the altar.

7. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music
will follow.

8. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?"
Come early, and listen to our choir practice.

9. The Scounts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

10. The eighth-graders will be performing Shakespeare's "Hamlet" in the
church basement on Friday. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

11. For those who have children and don't know it, we have a new nursery.

12. Eight new choir robes are urgently needed, due to the addition of several
new members and the deterioration of some older ones.