View Full Version : Phew, can't help everyone....
Sun, 14th Jan '01, 4:43pm
This board being popluated by fairly intelligent people(except for Grub), I would like some advice on how to get a friend out of her clinical depression. It's quite bad and from what I see, she seems to be headed for a nervous breakdown. Maybe I should drag her to a psychatrist or something....
Sun, 14th Jan '01, 6:39pm
Grub? Never heard of her. So like which topics does she frequent? Then maybe I can offer my divine wisdom?
Sun, 14th Jan '01, 7:17pm
ur daft sniper, read the topic agan and then reply!
Sun, 14th Jan '01, 7:40pm
Sorry to break it to ya, but clinical depression is with you for life, but there can be highs and lows in emotions, heres a few things, always agree with them and try not to be negative towads them, when there feeling down just cheer them up and don't to anything negative. Don't mention suicide in any way at all (not kidding) and it will be very hard for you to get her away from a nervous breakdown, and a psychiatrist is only a temporary thing and takes years to make anything happen.
Just my 2 cents.
Sun, 14th Jan '01, 9:48pm
So how do you get clinical depression?
Sun, 14th Jan '01, 10:01pm
Shura, usually ( from what I have seen) depression comes from an event in a persons life that went totally wrong and they have no idea how to fix it. Because they can't fix it, they tend to see it in all kinds of different events that happen in their life. Whether it be sexual abuse, emotional abuse, something awful that they witnessed, or it comes from an inner battle that they have created for themselves, or that has been forced on them.
It can obviously sometimes be a medical thing as well, a chemical imbalance in the body, but that would have to be diagnosed. I should know, my sister has a chemical embalance.
The starting point is to find out the main source of this persons depression. The real truth and meat of it. Then see if you can find a way to turn their focus away from it.
You also have to get to know them very well, so that you don't say something wrong, because that will just regenerate their depression and sometimes, it can make it worse.
Mostly, a person like this just needs a good ear. Some one who will listen to them, not judge them or criticize them. Some one who will come over when they feel most depressed and take them out to do some kind of activity they really like.
If it is a girl, usually doing stupid little things, like bringing them a wildflower or other things they like will help britten thier days. Make them feel better about themselves, which is really the first step.
Sun, 14th Jan '01, 10:05pm
Are you a psychatrist or something? Or have you suffered from a smilar kind of thing before?
Sun, 14th Jan '01, 10:48pm
Shura, I have been through a similar situation in the past, but now I'm seeing my good friend suffer the same fate as I did. Satiana is right, they don't know how to help themselves and if you let them they will pull you into the depression as well (not on purpose of course). It really sucks because you want to help them but you know in your heart that they can only help themselves. Anytime, I try to give my friend any advice, I feel like I am preaching to him and it doesn't do any good. It is as if he isn't listening to a word I say. So all you can do is wait by their side and help them out in little ways (do a few things to show you care, that flower thing Satiana said is a great idea, and most importantly just be there for them. Hang in there bro.
Mon, 15th Jan '01, 12:59am
If it is indeed clinical depression, then the only way to make that person truly content with themselves is to give them medication. As was said earlier, clinical depression results from an unbalance in the body's chemicals. The only problem with that is that the person, once put on medicine, sometimes feels dependent on the medicine, thus becoming more depressed. Always trade-offs....
My advice, if she can live without the meds, help her in other ways. Like Satiana said, little things always count. Don't let them get down mentally on themselves, try not to talk about negative things around them. Let them face their issues and come to peace with them, just be there if she needs you.
Mon, 15th Jan '01, 5:27pm
Thanks for the help, people. And the thing about depression being contagious is true, although I react to depression with a murderous rage instead....working with children makes this an unhealthy trait to have....anyway, I've been the so-called 'listening ear' who never judges and criticises and gives mostly positive encouragement. I'm in no position to do any of that 'flower' stuff as I regard this person as a friend and giving her a flower would be too weird. I'm more of the kick-your-ass-to-get-you-over-it friend than the Sensitive-listen-blah-blah-blah friend. I guess all I can do is continue my current course of action. Her current condition is mostly due to her conflicts with her parents, a condition that is out of my sphere of influence. If it was a cheating boyfriend, I could probably do something really violent to him, but it isn't. Ah well, hope she gets better soon. Again, thanks.
Mon, 15th Jan '01, 5:38pm
There are various levels and types of depression, and not all of them are caused by chemical imbalances. Chronic or Manic Depression can be helped with meds, but other milder forms should be treated differently. There are probably more people than we think suffering from this common illness. I'm no psychiatrist, but I read a brochure on depression, and by the literatures definition, just about everyone I know (including myself) exhibit some level of depression.
It's a tricky and delicate situation, and it takes some skill and determination to help a friend who is suffering from depression. I agree that you have to always be there for them, but the bottom line is that they have to help themselves, and as friends, we have to help them do just that.
Mon, 15th Jan '01, 7:34pm
And another useless fact:
70% of sufferers of depression (clinical or manic) are female.
The person I know with clinical depression is dependant on an antio depressant more powerful than Prozak and doesn't know it.
Mon, 15th Jan '01, 7:55pm
I've a female friend who almost always seems to be depressed...y'see, she has a boyfriend and she is constantly worrying on what people are saying about him. She gets so paranoid about it and goes into a major slump! Plus she seems to take excessive amounts of pills! Heck i'm worried about her...she seems to be in poor health mentally and physically.
Any ideas on how to ease her 'problem'?
Mon, 15th Jan '01, 8:58pm
This topic is NOT fit for the net. Go ask a
proffesional about such things.
[This message has been edited by Divine Shadow (edited January 15, 2001).]
Wed, 17th Jan '01, 8:57am
LOL, Sniper's second post in this topic was hilarious, by the way.
Wed, 17th Jan '01, 11:35pm
What...the one about what is clinical depression? ;)
Thu, 18th Jan '01, 8:05am
The one where you asked who Grub was and herf told you you were daft.
Thu, 18th Jan '01, 7:40pm
Oh well, i can be a simpleton at times :D
Thu, 18th Jan '01, 8:13pm
Um...I could be mistaken, but this thread wasn't meant for the definition of depression, but rather for advice. Having been through a similar experience, I can say: if she's complaining or crying or something, let her do it. Don't try to stop her by saying, "Well look at the bright side!" or similar nonsense. It doesn't do any good to remind someone that they are depressed, they do enough of that on their own.
Fri, 19th Jan '01, 2:30am
Interesting. I am somewhat familiar with clinical depression. Not to 'drag' anyone here into my family issues, but I have had one cousin institutionalized and another who unforutunately succomed to clinical depression and 'ended' things. It is far more tragic to deal with the 'after effects' of depression if there is no resolution than when someone is actually 'going' through the depression.
Unfortunately again, I had 'lost' regular contact with both of these cousins as did many in my extended family. So don't give up, simply because any 'preception' that you are giving up may cause additional harm to the emotional and mental make up of your friend. I have learned alot from my own experience and since have learned that depression is best handled as when someone has a 'self-destructive' habit. I'll use an example such as drug abuse.
Helping someone recognize the reality of their situation truthfully but never 'pushing'. Likewise help that person to reach some other fullfillment that can be achieved to 'encourage' them. Like dropping a bad habit -such as drug use, one must find a new 'positive' habit to fill that void, otherwise the likelyhood of someone sinking back into their old ways (sometimes even worse than before) is high. Set the example in that you wont give up thus they wont give up. Keep in contact, even physical contact (dont have to be the touchy feely type) helps. A simple hand shake to a hug...or whatever is common to your friendship. Always try to be encouraging with your words, eye contact, body language and the like. Most of all, give it time. If this person truly is a friend then surely a friend is worth time.
Hope any of this can help and I hope things go well!!!
[This message has been edited by Draco Vlasavius (edited January 19, 2001).]