Theres this girl I like, and I'm not really sure if she likes me. Shes been taking me home after school and hanging out with me at lunch and stuff but I heard from one of her friends today that asked her about it that she "hasnt really thought about it but she isnt a hommie hopper" (Ive liked for a few weeks now, so something shoud be happening by now...) I want to tell her I like her but not sure if it would seem weird on the phone or if that would be fine and normal.

Poll Information
This poll contains 2 question(s). 27 user(s) have voted.
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Poll Results: Is it weird or normal to tell a girl you like her on the phone? (27 votes.)

Is it weird or normal to tell a girl you like her on the phone? (Choose 1)
* Thats perfectly fine and normal, go for it! - 30% (8)
* That would be weird, it should be said in person. - 44% (12)
* No opinion(not sure) - 26% (7)

Is it weird or normal to date your best friend's X? (Choose 1)
* Normal - 37% (10)
* Weird - 33% (9)
* No opinion - 30% (8)

Ask her you fool. Face to face. If no, then no harm done. If yes (more than likely), you won't be beating yourself up over it.

@Beezlebub: I wasnt asking is it ok to ask her out on the phone, I was asking is it weird to TELL HER that i like her on the phone.

Not weird, but it would be better recieved if it was face to face. She's less likely to have doubts about it all if you speak to her about it.

hmm, well ok I guess Ill probably do that, but first I'll see what others say.

Face to face, tell her you love her (not just like). Tell her over a phone, why you would even think of that? It is neither wierd nor normal but just lame.

Thanks , yes I believe it is lame but telling a girl you like her on the phone, especially one you are not even dating(oh goodness, i didnt mention i wasnt going out with her yet did i...oops) But telling her I love her, now that would be just plain weird.

There are some exceptions to every rule. For one thing, telling her you like her over the phone is okay if it is done subtly. If you just come right out and tell her that you like her, chances are that she will be put off.

As for the dating of the best friend's ex, well, that depends on what your best friend thinks about it.

Ok, here's the skinny.

It is best to tell a girl/woman that you like her face to face. Why? Well, because a phone conversation can be percieved as two different things.

One, it can be percieved as distant. She may think that you lack the courage to ask her face to face. Or that you might be unsure of yourself and the situation. This may not be recieved well. She may be likely to turn you down if you choose to ask her in this fashion. Girls/women usual like it when a guy is sure enough and has courage enough to ask her face to face.

Also, it can be precieved as less personal. Almost, as if she wasn't "good" enough to be asked in person.

Asking a person face to face is a more personal, heartfelt way, of asking them out. It shows not only that you have the courage to do it, but that you are serious, and truly want it to happen. It also makes it harder for them to say no. Being able to see each others facial reactions when the conversation takes place, is also a very useful tool. You will be able to decipher how excited or happy she is about the prospect of dating you/being your girlfriend. Or if she is nervous or scared about the idea. Which will help to decipher where a future might lead with her. Doing this over the phone, will not allow for as clear of an understanding of the situation, as doing it in person would.

This is from my experience of course.

Phone is bad for relationship. Like said before: face-to-face wins the day. :p

face to face. even if you are turned down she will think better of you for asking in person

Tell her face-to-face but do try to make it somewhere private. Last thing you want to do is embarres her in front of friends.

Love her? What? He never said he loves her... You don't love her do you?

Phone sounds good. At least she can't kick you in the groin if she rejects your affections.

The worst thing you're going to get is an abrupt 'click' on the your receiver. :D

If you have been talking to a mutual friend about her, then by now she (and probably the whole neighborhood) already know that you like her. Girls talk. Incessantly.

Ask her why she doesn't hop hommies or (I'm no good at alliteration), f-something friends?

Is it weird or normal to tell a girl you like her on the phone? "I like you on the phone."
Yes, that's quite weird! :p

Face-to-face if possible! If you don't dare, then perhaps (rather not!) write it in a letter. But no phone!

Both are perfectly fine, well, the second can become a dumba** dicision but its all good.

THe phone thing, I've done that twice, mainly because i can be a wuse in person when i comes to that...

I'm afraid many of you people have percieved exactly what I said wrong. I was asking if it is weird or normal to TELL a girl that I like her on the phone. I wasnt talking about asking her out on the phone, thats an entirely different matter. As for my friend, he has nothing against me hooking up with her. Not anymore at least...

Face to face, definitely. She deserves that for the feeling you have for her. Be serious, respect her and yourself. Respect her by not bugging her on the phone and respect yourself by having cojones to take what's in for you. Even if it means taking a 10% chance for conscience's sake.

This doesn't mean you should be dead-serious ;) You're not buying eggs and milk, sure, so some decorum is in order, but try not to overact :)

Don't be too serious. It'll make you look like a bore and make you unable to turn it into a joke or misunderstanding if she turns you. Besides, you're not proposing yet.

Don't be too embarrassed. I know, that's why people use phones. But that's not the right way. Say that face to face without being too embarassed. But better be embarrassed than artificial, really, so don't overdo. False self-confidence is a big turn-off. Shouting out an aforememorised tirade won't do any good either. Besides, in a limited dose it's sort of compliment for a girl if she affects your oratorical skills and overall coordination ;) .

The worst thing you could do would to be ashamed, like most guys are. A very high regard for your feelings if you're ashamed of them, isn't it?

So, to sum up, be natural. Even if it means being not natural ;) Try to get some confidence, but above all be kind and considerate in the little talk you have - you never know. You have no idea how important it is - and how easily noticed even if they don't tell you. Respect her and she will respect you, even if she turns you for whatever reason. Respect yourself, and the others will respect you too. Now go! Good luck and keep us informed :thumb:

PS

Useful vocabulary and phrases: 'very positive impression', 'moved', 'like', 'like in a special way', 'more than just a friend to me', 'care very much for your opinion/feelings'

Banned vocabulary: love, always, forever, never, everything that starts or ends with 'ever'

Highly discouraged vocabulary: relationship, girlfriend, boyfriend, sweetheart, significant other (bweeeh) etc

Flowers only if you're going for a park walk in the evening or some such thing. No bloody red roses, don't even think about it. The best idea is to start from giving her the flowers (Q: why? A: just because), moving on to a neutral chatter and when you have her in a right mood and growing curious, in a right scenery as well (we don't care but for them it's asskickingly important) carry on your true subject step by step. Withdraw when she seems bored, irritated, repelled or similar. Pat her on the shoulder like a friend if she needs it, but don't try anything foolish. Ask her what her feelings are, not to become your girlfriend. It only has some sense if she's admitted to sharing your feelings. Don't press on her. Don't be like here and now - you have a crush (nb good word), not a pants tent. Show you care but you only want to get what she wants to give. Even if she turns you, remember there are dozens of reasons for being turned (e.g. too much mayo on a burger, broken fingernail, intriguing shape of PE teacher's buttcheeks, her favourite soap opera going on etc etc, or maybe it's going on too fast for her or she's unsure of her feelings and doesn't want to hurt you, or perhaps she's having a crush on someone else or being loyal to someone unworthy... dozens of reasons) and there aren't many better opportunities to show your class than when you're getting turned ;)

Let the force be with you! :tie:

I'm betting that your 'friend' asked the girl if she wanted to be a hommie hopper, and surprisingly enough she said no.

Most girls would say 'No'. (Most boys would say 'Hell yes!').

Your 'friend' probably has his own reasons for not telling you the whole truth.

Definitions

Normal: Being embarrassed, making yourself look like a fool, not knowing what you are doing.

Weird: Being none of the above.

Really weird: Telling a girl that you like her and then not asking her out. Its worse than telling a girl that you really like her for her personality.


@Chev
We call it getting 'turned down' in Ireland, not turned. Sometimes it is called getting shot down or knocked back, rejected, spurned, rebuffed, sent packing, sniffle-weep-sniffle :cry:

[ December 13, 2003, 02:21: Message edited by: Bluin ]

Look her in the eye and don't be a wuss. If she likes you, you can say almost anything and it won't make a difference as long as you don't go for her throat. If she doesn't like you, you don't stand a chance no matter how eloquent you are. Suck it up and give it a shot, it's her loss if she's not interested.

Yeah, it's not exactly weird to ask on the phone but, as everyone else seems to feel as well, it's definitely much better in person. It CAN be taken as 'cowardly' to use the phone as any rejection can be handled simply by haging up rather than having to deal with the person face to face. Also, a possible non-rejection may make it difficult over the phone to hug or whatever.

As for dating a friend's ex, maybe not weird so to speak either, but depending on your friend and how both he and his ex feel about the new situation, it can definitely make for difficult relationships either way. So I guess, best to chat to your friend about it first.

Mind you, he may say it's okay at first but later on he may have doubts.

Sounds like it's normal, but asking a bunch of strangers online probably isn't.

I have always found that smoke signals, carrier pigeons and notes written in personal blood do the trick.

Especially the notes in blood...

Maybe I go after the wrong sort of girl...

What do you plan to say on the phone?

Its not weird to ask a girl out over the phone, but rather precarious.

Try not to come across as emotional and clingy. If you sound like you are "totally in love" with her already, she will reject you since you sound weak.

Some people speak of "love at first sight", but the reality is that it simply does not exist. When you see someone, you evaluate them on many criteria. Attractiveness is one, but don't forget clothing (which speak to the person's position and character) and how the person carries themselves with others.

Portray yourself using factors that she would find interesting. Although there is no such thing as "love at first sight", there is infatuation.

Are you a man or a mouse? Tell her personally, you fool! It may sound a little creepy on the phone, anyway. Don't go through life regretting what may have been. Don't just tell her that you like her either - ask her out on a date, since I'm assuming that's what you want to do. The worst that can happen is that she says "no" and you end up feeling like you want to die. But what's the best thing that can happen? You end up with the girl of your dreams, that's what.

She walks home with you from school? Where better to tell her your feelings? It will take some courage to open up and the adrenalin will make you feel rotten but you need to pick a landmark on your way home from school and say to yourself that you will tell her when you pass it and do it.

Remember, no girl is impressed by someone who stumbles over his words (unless they're infatuated too) and they don't like people who are cocky either. They like to be romanced a little. Say something like,

"I know that we're good friends but you're beautiful, charming and funny as well. I think about you all the time and I look forward to the times when we're together. I don't want to go through the rest of my teenage years regretting not asking you out so please may I take you out to dinner / take you out bowling / take you out doing whatever it is teenagers like doing these days."

Assuming she says yes, try taking her flowers when you go to pick her up, a small, tasteful bouquet or some red roses. Women love that sort of thing. Or give her a small gift - a pair of pretty earrings or something similar. Do NOT expect her to put out. There is nothing more sure to kill a romance than sticking your tongue down her throat when she hasn't invited it. If she is willing to go further than a chaste kiss on the lips then two thumbs up, but don't force yourself on her. You can be more amorous on later dates (in fact you have to be, otherwise she'll think you're not interested) - just be sure not to be too forceful.

And let us know how you get on!

BTW, what is a "hommie hopper"? Is it some sort of teenage vernacular?

@Bluin:

I don't know how it's called even in my native language. I'm not proficient with teen jargon.

By the way, I've devoted some moments of meditation to the possibility of not starting relationship with someone interested but without making it turning someone. With enough goodwill, respect and kindness, that's quite achieveable - especially if the affection is unilateral. That's the way I try to solve it and it has happened to me once. After all, it's not your fault you don't share someone's feelings and neither is it the other person's fault he or she has them. Right? With some maturity and level-headedness on both parts it comes as obvious and helps avoid many unpleasant situations.

If you handle it properly, Kovalis, you won't get slapped in face or kicked in the groin (metaphorically), even if she sees you as just a friend. Anyway, I've already said enough in my previous post.

You gotta go face to face. In order to see the person's reaction. Phone confessionals are never good!

As for dating a good friend's ex. It's okay, but you have to let your friend know about it beforehand. It's an honor thing. At least, that's how I'd do it.

I find it difficult to believe that anything I can say will tip the scales in your favor (and you've already gotten a lot of good advice), so my words for you: "Godspeed!"

I don't understand why you make an honour thing of dating or not someone's ex.

If it's over, it's over.

Sure, not if those people split a few days ago and they have a habit of splitting and getting back together.

I've been getting my ass kicked by life for honour reasons since almost birth and I don't see any necessity of informing the girl's ex beforehand. Sure, putting any effort in hiding the fact from him puts your intentions in question, but so long as you're acting openly, nothing seems wrong to me. You need not ask permission and the ex has no current rights or authority. I suppose it's sort of US college custom, isn't it? Like asking permission from a guy to talk to his girlfriend is or used to be?

Perhaps you mean a very close friend of yours to whom the relationship meant much when it still lasted, not just a classmate who had a crush, or something. In that case, you should have a talk and it is an honourable thing to do, but I think I wouldn't hold it against anyone who didn't. But that's still only because of the friend's feelings, not any rights of any sort.

Perhaps we should ask Tal to start up a new forum...........Ask Sorcerers! :D

Sorcerers get all the girls :shake:

Lets go straight to the point. It is weird to tell her that you like her on the phone. Especially if you aren't dating. And if you are and you do so, you won't be for long. Look, just ask her out one day when you're walking home from school or something. Nothing huge, just a movie on the weekend.

Chances are she told her friends she wasn't interested because she didn't want to be rejected from them for saying she does. No one I have ever heard of has defined hopping hommies (what the hell does that mean anyway) as hanging out with someone for over a month and is still waiting for the movie.

Short answer, damn weird. Ask her out and stop procrastinating. You don't need to profess undying love, say "I like you" or even make a compliment on her mammaries, just bloody ask if she'll see a movie with you.

I'm not sure what "hopping hommies" means. I'm from California as well, but have never heard the slang.

It might be a L.A. term - which probably means it is drug or crime related. j/k ;)

If I had to make a guess...

"Homies" is a hip-hop slang term for "friend". It it generally used to refer to those a person spends time with. The term is almost exclusively used to refer to african-americans.

"Hopping" probably refers to sex.

Just my guess.

[ December 14, 2003, 10:12: Message edited by: Blackhawk ]

Me being shy, I'm nto good at saying that I like a particualr person when they are actually in my presence. Consequently, I can't compliment very well either. But saying that, I do find it easier to express my feelings easier on the phone or on good old trusty msn messenger :)

About the dating best friends ex thing... I'd say its ok, btu you really do need to speak to your mate about this so as to minimize as best you can the chance of your Best mates Ex, getting to him, and consequently straining relations between him and you.

*Thinks back when he first joined Sorcerers and some of the 'relationship' topics he brought up ... (Some of the Older members will know what I'm talking about :p ) Thats a point, I might have a girlfriend again soon ;)

You can tell her you like her... But it dezerves face to face to make it. You may act as stupid moorhuhn and tell her on the phone but it's nothing much. I knew a guy, who told his girlfriend on the phone that he want to sleep with her... :rolleyes: Well, they broke the same night. Whatever, better do it face to face.

OK, I wasn't going to say this, but on the phone it's one bloody hell. Personal experience. I had no choice, though, and I was doing that for conscience's sake. Would do that again, if had to. You don't want to get through that, ever.

Come, now. If you can't ask her face-to-face and face acceptance or rejection face-to-face, then do you think you can possibly interact with her on a date? Just my two cents, I guess.