Well,

After following a link in the "Misunderstood NPCs" thread, I thought I'd start up another thread.

It's sort of a tongue-in-cheek (or serious) one whereby BG2's NPCs are reduced to high-school archetypes.

I'll make a go of it:

Anomen - brainless football jock
Keldorn - principal, or counsellor
Viconia - evil, scheming cheerleader
Korgan and Sarevok - leather-jacket wearing, switch-blade packing thugs.
Edwin - evil, scheming nerd
HaerDalis - free-spirited artist
Jan - practical joker, prankster
Aerie - ditzy blonde
Mazzy - class valedictorian?
Minsc - special ed student that nobody messes with?

Others I can't come up with anything for. Jaheira, I won't say anything about for reasons you all know. But don't let that stop you. This is after all, a tongue-in-cheek thread.

I'll tend to disagree with the Jan description. I'd call him the guy that thinks he's popular but everyone knows he's not. He is also the drug dealer (illegal flashers :D ).

Aerie - The naive countrygirl with no idea how cruel one big city-school can be.

Jaheira - The big headed individualist who still has the small girl looking for comfort inside.

Viconia - The juvenile lone-wolf criminal feminist who's out to make everyone's life a bit more miserable.

Mazzy - The small-framed sports-freak with a keen interest in the philosophical things, meaning of life etc. Friend to many and foe to few.

Imoen - A positive and likeable girl with a mischevous and light-hearted attitude, and keen interest in science and literature.

Minsc - The simple-minded yet warm-hearted sports-talent who excels in all things physical. Does extreme sports with good success almost daily, and is one of the youngest heavy-weightlifting champions in the region.

Valygar - The modest only child of a rich family, with an issue against money and fortune. A fairly silent yet respected and seriously-taken person.

Keldorn - The strict yet fair history/religions teacher.

Anomen - The spoiled and beaten (family violence) rich kid with serious psychologial issues, trying desperately to find his place in the school's social circle.

Yoshimo - The exchange-student from Japan with a tomboy "experience it all" attitude, always getting others in to trouble while managing to escape himself.

Cernd - The greenpeace kid, working as a leader of the local "protect the nature" group. Has a strong personality and is respected even by those who disagree with him.

Jan - A very chaotic persona with some mental issues. On the other side, he's a criminal dealing in illegal goods and the occational muggings here and there. While on the other side he's a harmless blabbering gossip-boy bookworm who gets nicely along with everyone.

Haer'Dalis - A strange exchange student off from somewhere with a keen interest in poetry, philosophy and some eastern more spiritual-aligned martial arts.

Korgan - The local gang-leader with serious issues with the local authorities.

Sarevok - An extremely talented youth, who to the distress of the teachers has a very hard time finding his place in the world. Another lone genious who mostly uses up his time making troubles both to the authorities and the criminals alike.

Edwin - The malicious chemics-geek out to make revenge on the world as a whole.

Edwin: Geek, goth and snob, born in a noble family. You're vermin in his eyes. He will never let you copy his homework unless for fun - one prepared *especially* for you. Women are evil! Wait a moment, *I* am evil! Women are... ekhm...

Valygar: Son of rich parents. Aragorn-obsessed LoTR maniac skilled in sports, doing slightly above average in science and arts, good friend, balanced mind, willing ear. Episcopal.

Minsc: A goody-goody jock, Fisherking type. Possibly devoted Christian. Drinks only milk. Prefers tall black girls.

Jan: Geek, nerd, constantly babbling and confabulating never growing up midget ;) Foremost techie and local computer guru. Thinks in assembler. Always has cheap grass to spare. Caught shoplifting. Completely asexual, his feet smell and he never washes his teeth. He's bound to become and admin. :shake:

Khalid: Old Reliable, shy to utmost extent. Watches westerns.

Viconia: B****. Also the otherwise hardly possible conjunction of cheerleader and goth. Slightly geeky. Snob only at first glance - she just takes it as granted that others are inferior, especially males. She would be a doomed feminist if she cared. Besides, she's pretty liberated. Many have done it with her, some want to but haven't done and some have done but didn't want to :shake: She displays a strange fascination with spiders. Apparently she's also in some sect. Could be the valedictorian but doesn't care about marks, signs, honours and other labels. Her opinion of Aerie is that the latter catches things faster but doesn't really know what life is about.

Aerie: Dazzling blond angel from the country. Perhaps Texas? ;) It's just that it seems unnatural for her to mentally outgrow the surrounding men :D . Definitely devoted Christian. Shy, stuttering - the epitome of virginity. Valedictorian. Also very good at sports, but asthmatic and losing breath quickly. Prom queen

Jaheira: Mature girl. Deadly serious. Showing no emotions, or at least no 'weak' ones, but pretty much vulnerable inside. No problem for you to go out with her, but to call that a date would be more than just a misunderstanding. Pragmatic, realistic, a bit lost. Apparently she's goodier than renowned goodies although she appears harsh all the time as she's a Catholic orphan of noble blood brought up by nuns :shake: . Speaks with a strange accent, probably one of her parents came from an exotic country. She's also somehow holy and reminds you of your mother. Some of her admirers are known to have required medical assistance. A bit haughty though sometimes may appear aloof (not that she's loose). She hates showing off, vain sugary speaking and badly lied compliments. Her intelligence is often underestimated and goes unseen (Beren knows what I'm speaking about ;) ).

Mazzy: Goody-two-shoes. Warm and caring girl, skilled in appealing speeches and somehow charismatic, but not really attractive. Never been to a party apart from the official ones. Wears knee-long panties.

Anomen: Jock of course. Has firm principles, but is rather a law-abider than a goody-goody. Never seen to give a coin to beggar. His father is a mean bastard who for entirely down to earth reasons donates money to the school and likes to see his boy pass every exam... The lad is dying to please him - to little avail. His sister has recently been killed and the murderers were probably sent by the father's business enemy.

Korgan: Jock, thug, local car thieves' leader and son of mafia's strong man which is a public secret. A bit smarter than his marks would suggest, he hates school but his father would disown him if he didn't go. School's most renowned stud. Rumour has it some of the girls were not exactly willing. Rumour also has it that some weren't exactly girls.

Keldorn: Depaara.

[ April 22, 2003, 16:40: Message edited by: chevalier ]

Keldorn -- Me? I'll choose to be flattered as I think Keldorn is a stud, but you're going to have to explain that one a little for me!

This thread only shows that Black Isle's staff has completely forgotten what High School is about.

There is no NPC (at least one capable of joining your party in the mod-less version) that is a black leather-wearing, heavy metal-listening-to, believing-himself-scary goth.

Sheesh.

It's a little hard for me to buy Korgan being an athlete, or at least a good enough one to make a team. :D

Check out the banter where Imoen gets in the last word on Korgan, priceless. One of her comebacks involves Korgan's finely honed (by tavern ale) spare tire.

I'm with you on that one, Beren. Korgan is too independent and chaotic to be on a sports team. I see him more as the guy who hangs out by the shop class, never completes a project IN the shop class, but spends a lot of time taunting people and trying to pick fights with them. He wears a dirty leather jacket, torn jeans, packs a razor, switchblade and probably a gun, and smarter people pay him good money to break kneecaps or vandalize cars. He never bathes.

[ April 23, 2003, 01:55: Message edited by: Depaara ]

Well, I'm sure we can also visualize Korgan as the guy who dropped out of High School the moment he got a job at the local tavern or mechanic's shop, no?

Job... He's not one to get a job. I believe he's been perfectly engaolable since his reaching legal age ;) .

Tavern, definitely. Mechanics shop? No. I don't think there's a creative or artistic bone in his body. I can't see him putting anything together, even a simple nut to a bolt. Hacking things apart, sure, but never building.

Heh. Well, I was going with the stereotypical worthless, stupid grease monkey. But in retrospect, Korgan does have 12 Int (IIRC), so let's not continually put his intelligence down.

-Noober: Annoying loser kid who tries to be your friend. Smells, doesn't brush his hair, and is either significantly underweight or overweight.

-Irenicus: The person who keeps showing up bright red shirts, and never shuts up about how capitalism and rich people suck, and how communism will maybe everything better. Once tried to stage a takeover of the school, but miserably failed. The guy probably listens to System of a Down and Anti-Flag as well.

-Bodhi: Hey! There is a goth NPC! Constantly dresses in black, prowls around the streets at night. She'd be one of those wanna-be undead people, but, er, she's already one.

-Phaere: Teacher assistant. Always trying to bungle up the teacher's (Matron Mother) lessons so as to someday get her fired and become teacher herself. Staff politics are byzantine indeed.

-Firkraag: President of the PTA. :eek: :D Or is that Analon?

[ April 23, 2003, 03:24: Message edited by: C'Jakob ]

Firkraag as the PTA president! That's rich. Some days, I see certain of these parents as illithid: Completely alien in their mindset and impossible to deal with. Wish I had a circlet to control some of them . . .

As for Korgan, I don't see him as dumb by any stretch of the imagination -- just destructive. He excels at destroying things. I wasn't referring to his intelligence when I said he wouldn't be a mechanic. Jan would be the mechanic, IMHO. Not the grease monkey jock type, but the nerdy engineering type who soups up Volkswagon Beetles.

Desharik (or whatever be his name) could make a nice headmaster. Especially my one was similar... He shouldn't be given a pen BTW. Another headmaster (or chancellor) is Prelate Wessalen. However, Firkraag also has the thing.

Soulafein is the boyscout. Apart from that he believes in some strange Eastern doctrine.

@Depaara: parents are illithids controlled by some local activist wannabe acting as elder brain. There are also some umberhulks among them as well as slaves of other races who could possibly be talked to to some avail, but only after they're freed from illithid influence.

Good for you that you're immune to hold, paralyse and similar spells :D

Aren't we forgetting Salvanas?

Struts the halls of the school convinced that god placed him there to be a gift to all the girls. Constantly combing his hair, checking himself out in his locker-mirror, winking the girls as he passes by, and failing to notice their fingerpointings and whisperings as his back is turned.

Rumors:

Mazzy said no as politely as she could.
Nalia told him he wasn't her type.
Imoen went along with it just long enough to lift his wallet and disappear into the crowd.
Aerie slapped him across the face.
Jaheira gave him a knee where it hurts.
Viconia teased him, got him undressed, then tied him down onto an industrial arts table just before class was about to start.
Finally, Edwin turned into a girl due to a chemistry lab gone horribly wrong. Salvanas' dating game ended permanently when he put the moves on the new girl in school, Edwina.

Heh, I must have forgotten the Salvanas guy then... Why is he so important to be listed?

Saemon Havarian - nerdy shoplifter and groin-kicker, shunned by all and having a high opinion of himself.

Balthazar - jock and bully who's recently discovered Christianity and a bit more recently been following some ugly manichean heresy.

Melissan - one ex of mine. I'm sure you all know what type of treacherous little *****.

:yot:

But does anyone remember that one line from Icewind Dale?

"I know a Druid who can hook you up with good stuff."

Sounds like half the people in my school! :D

How about that really annoying artist, Sir Sarles? He'd be the artsy fartsy student who thinks he is SOO much smarter and enlightened than the neanderthals that surround him. His family is wealthy, and so the wealthy kids suck up to him big time, protecting him from people like Korgan, who would beat the crap out of him for fun, or Edwin, who would probably vivisect him to see if he could find the source of the man's creativity. Hairy palms.

On another note, I live in rural Alberta, and there's a lot of weirdos around. I teach 2 boys from a family of about 14 kids, and I feel like renaming the whole group the Jansens! Neither boy bathes very often, they talk too much, they are short and they wear thick glasses -- their parents are bloody weird too. If the boys had any brainpower at all, they might really qualify as Jansens.

The temples of Lathander, Helm and Talos could be viewed as battling clans - goodie-goodies, meanies and undecided (aka normal).