Ok. As the title said, funniest quotes and answer choices. For those who do answer choices say who you are responding to and what you're responding to.
My first one is when you decline an upgraded item with Cespenar, he says: "Fine, fine. Haves it your way. Cespenar haves no life anyway. Not even cut imp girlfriend."

My choice would have to be the dialogue w/ the Spectator in Sendai's enclave, this is paraphrased.

PC: What are you going to do?
Spectator: Find the nearest Hive check out the ladies.What about you?
PC: The same.

Ah, gotta love the Spectator. I thoroughly enjoyed Cespenar's "de-dum-dum...I'se a lookin' through stuffs that ain'ts mine!...dum-de-de."

Actually, that's way funnier out loud.

My all time favorite conversation is between viconia and imoen.

Viconia says to imoen that she should be more grateful to me for saving her life and her soul etc... and says she should be my pleasure slave... i won't spoil too much but it's funny as hell.

Korgan: Huh - I thought ye flyin' elves hatched yer young from eggs! Ach - 'tis too bad... I fancied an omelet this morning!

Jan vs Sarevok...

Jan: You know, Binky, I've been considering this plan of yours that you had with the Iron Throne and all that. Interesting ideas... but flawed.

Sarevok: Binky? You had best not be addressing me, gnome.

Jan: For instance, whose idea was it to put impurities into the iron? Sounds like the lame idea of some yes-man underling who didn't know when to quit. No doubt you had him flogged.

Sarevok: I will not have my past commented upon by the likes of you, churl. Quiet yourself, lest you experience worse than mere flogging.

Jan: Speaking of a good flog, I'm brought to mind of poor Auntie Sara. She, too, had a master plan to take over the Sword Coast, you know. Although hers was considerably less dramatic and involved the use of some tasty recipes for turnip pie and some mind-altering herbs that Auntie Sara had bought from a rather disreputable Turmish mage.

Sarevok: Are you listening to *nothing* I say?! Desist or suffer the consequences!

Jan: Do you think she would listen to us? You can trust a Turmish mage about as far as you can kick him... and even then it's not a bad idea to carry a good thumping stick. But, alas, Auntie Sara just cackled in her most villain-like way and was determined to carry on with her plan to hypnotize the Sword Coast. Alas, she was completely undone by an over-the-top exposition she gave to a spy that she had captured...and who subsequently escaped, of course, before she could have him killed. It's what villains do, I understand, when they're not busy defiling iron.

Sarevok: I will not be mocked, gnome! This is your last warning!

Jan: Of course, they say that Duke Eltan had already had a bit of Auntie's pie and enjoyed it immensely. Rather than become hypnotized, he just became rather pleasantly obsessed with silken undergarments. This, of course, led to the first Great Underwear Shortage. It's also known as the Three-Year Wedgie Drought, but that's another story completely.

Sarevok: AUUUUGHHH!! How maddening! How you can put up with such impudence, <CHARNAME>!!

:D

Sarevok's annoyance with Minsc when Boo is staring at him, featuring the ending snort "This is still hell, isn't it?"
And Imoen hitting on Keldorn is pretty hysterical also...

How about Aerie asking Mazzy if she can ever become a true paladin?

Paraphrased...

Mazzy: do you really think that the gods would be silly enough to put out a third edition?

LOL!!!!!! These are all funny you people! Also, I think I will one more. When Balthazaar is talking to you in his throne room, he says: blah,blah, blah...The sword coast rivers will flow with blood.
Answer choice: I like the sound of that.

I like it when Caspenar's looking through my stuff and he says he's running out of recipies soon, and then says this great line about Martha Stuart:

"Needs to find Martha soon. She round Hell somewhere I thinks."

Oh it's true, it's damn true :D

I cant believe noone have mentioned the Rune Hammer quote here,
Cespenar says, I once dropped rune hammer on masters foot, bounce round cusses for weeks he did, was a very bad week for cespenar.

Actually IronEagle, it is:
Once Bhaal dropped hammer on foot. Stopped and swear he did. Kicked me all the way to Whats-that-place. Very bad week that was.

well considering i saw it 2 weeks ago, well about, id say i didnt do so bad at "almost" remembering it.

I have to say, the funniest lines were by the spectator. In both BG2 and TOB, his lines were the ones that made me laugh out loud. The entire dialogue from BG2 had me rolling :) I never played an with the different combinations of characters, but Korgan had one line in BG2 about the night and how it was for stalking and wenching or something...that was pretty funny too...anyone remember it in its entirety?

Well it was not a funny dialogue and not meant to be either but I really liked it when in the Asylum you speak to a woman who saw beyond planes, said that she sees a man talking to a pillar of skulls, I really liked this since just before I started BG2 I was playing Planescape: Torment like mad...So here is a funny dialogue from Torment/

Fall From Grace: Morte who were you actually?
Morte: Me? Oh, I was the head of Vecna...

(I know some of you are going to accuse me of being irrelevant but I just wanted to share this with you guys :)

OK, this is from SoA, but, it is funny.

This is the part where you go to Umar Hills, and after the big chat with the mayor, you go west to the people with the chickens. You kill a chicken and the lady will say (paraphrased) "Go away and leave my chickens alone!"

Then the PC says: "Stay out of this lady! This is between me...and the CHICKENS!"

It might not be funny to you but I fell out of my chair laughing so hard I was almost crying! It is alot funnier when you do it though.

[This message has been edited by Firkraag Nizzlet (edited July 12, 2001).]

The one where Korgan is talking about what you're going to do after you become a god. I forget how it goes but . . .

SPOILER AHEAD
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For me, other than the great dialogue with the Spectator, when Aerie gives birth, some of the lines are just classic.

Viconia : So the wingless one gives birth? I thought she was just getting fat.

and, paraphrasing, Korgan wishing the avarial hatched eggs instead of live births because he was looking forward to an omelette.

but clearly the funniest thing in the game is the encounter with the formerly petrified adventurers in Abzigal's lair..

that is the funniest thing I have ever seen in a game.

I almost forgot the petrified adventurers! Good ol Nanoc, Tim, and the thief(the name is escaping me right now). The sad thing is I used to do a lot of the PnP role-playing and it was so sad to recall that I was once that way too.

paraphrasing some:
"I found a dagger. And Tim found a scroll of Identify, so in a few days, he can tell me about my dagger"

Haha, yes that was pretty funny too
that had me laughing out loud :)

ROTFLMAO! Tere's a little cutscene, wher the thief goes "Now...ATTACK". The mage casts magic missile, and one missile comes out. Then you turn into the slayer, slay everyone, and its says *thief* reloads, and it goes back to before the fight.

Bwahahahahaaaaa!!!

oh this is if you have Edwin and Imoen in your party and you're facing the Imprisoned One:

"*Now* she has a bad feeling. I see the Bhaal Blood within her has suddenly gifted the brat with the miraculous powers of pre-cognition. Let us be careful friends, now that we have her warning!"

Edwin's sarcasm never fails to make me laugh... of course, soon this imprisoned one will kick my hiney painfully...

When Cespenar says something like hes goin to look through your undies.
Or
Minsc: Boo! Where Are You Boo?
Jan: Lost Something HEHEH Minscy?
etc

i've only started playing it, seeming i got it yesterday, but i have finished the town under sige by the fire giants quest, and the funniest person so far has to be the imp in your pocket dimension.
"oh don't you think it would be quicker to just empty your bag all over the floor?"
and other things too, but i forgot em so....

oh this has got to be the best!!

Minsc when attacking an enemy: You will not teach my hamster to suck it!

I was really laughing when I first heard this conversation between Minsc and Nalia:

Nalia- minsc, I wanted a moment to say something to you.

Minsc- Boo and I always have time to peak to our friends, right Boo?

Nalia- Eh, yes. Well, I just wanted to say that your unwavering fight for goodness has been a great influence on me.

Minsc- And now you would like a hamster.

Nalia- What?

Minsc- Just a guess.

Korgan also had a funny speach to Nalia in SoA, but I forgot the whole of it...started out with Korgan telling her she was overtall...I just remember it making me laugh.

Minsc does not say "You will not teach my hamster to suck it", he says "You will not teach my hamster to suck eggs!"

the best is when jan steals boo and Minsc calls him a "Tricky litle gnome." idk why but that is just funny

Boo thinks therefore I am! ~Minsc :D :D :D

I loved the bit in SOA when the guy tries to sell your party the Planar sphere.
He tries to sell it to Minsc, Jahiera, Nalia that I know of......
(paraphrased because I'm lazy)
Dibblerish-fellow: You there, with painted head - wanna buy the sphere?
Minsc: Boo says it is too big to fit in my pocket, and it would be stupid to buy something I can't carry about.
Jahiera's is boring, Nalia's also until she says "Who would fall for that?" and Minsc says "Hmmm, very big for 500gp, what do you think, Boo?"

[This message has been edited by Ironbeard (edited July 29, 2001).]

Jan Jansen is the funniest mofo I've ever seen. Him combined with Anomen's overeagerness to gain the approval of the party, Jan just torchs him. After Anomen makes one of his endless boasts, Jan launched into an uproariously funny story about the orc king in search for a dung matress. I'm not going to spoil it (because I dont remember it) but it is so funny.

Cespenar (singing) "I'm just a slaaave, workin', slaavin awaaay..."

"What? You uses sling? You is big sissy?"

Demogorgon, you know... I have waited many tiems to hear Minsc hear that and after 2 fortunate occurences, i still think Minsc said suck it and not suck eggs...

sucking eggs just dont make sense anyway..

Cespenar: "Big weapon this...you... overcompensating maybe"

Minsc actually says "Don't teach my hamster to suck eggs"
(It comes from the saying "go suck an egg")



[This message has been edited by Xenecor (edited July 31, 2001).]

nope... minsc says" you will not teach my hamster to suck eggs!" I have heard it quite a few times now.. .and nearly pissed myself laughing :D

This is from SOA but i still think it is funny. the time after you free minsc and Imoen ask's how he hid it.

Minsc=Dont leave questions better asked to wise sages for Boo is quick and nimble and their is ever so much of Minsc to search!!

Imoen=Eww i dont want to think about that to much

This was not an actual dialogue but just after giving 1000GP to the Priest in Amkethran, Nalia pipes up with "How are we helping the needy doing this?".

10/10 for timing Nalia :D

These quotes are GREAT!!!!! Sorry if I haven't been answering, my last post was the last post I posted before I went to Nova Scotia for 2 weeks. Thus I haven't noticed my topic(amazingly) and I just noticed it just now. I think this was kind of funny but oh well:

*Spoiler*
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Melissan saying this after the 2nd battle wit your party.
No!!!! Too strong!!! Damn you!!!!

Edwin when you choose him in the abyss: One more hour of standing about and I swear, POOF, fireball!

Sometime during the game, Imoen makes a confession to Aerie that the Bhaal-essence gives her the urge to get up in the middle of the night and snatch a bag of cinnamon cookies.

Answer option:
"My life has been much easier since I realized that all the Slayer ever wanted was a sandwich..."

I loved it when Cespenar finds the Bladesinger chain and says something about smacking your tush. Gotta love that imp.

Haer'dalis when entering the Promenade:
"Perhaps we could sell Jaheira?"

Cespenar(about stardagger): "Bhaal had one of these. Used to pick teeth lots. No manners he."

Cespenar: "Cespenar speaks only with the great one. You'se nice, maybe, but you'se still a nobody."

And Minsc(BG1): "Magic is impressive, but now Minsc leads! Swords for everyone!"

But my favourite is the Spectator.
An example:
You: "Hey! Aren't you the same beholder as I killed in the Sahuagin city?"
Spectator: "Heh. Can't keep a good beholder down, eh?"

Hindo's DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM...

Gotta admit that that "Bondari reloads" scene had me falling off my chair, but my favorite quote is from Jan.
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When you finish ToB you see the epilogues for all the NPCs in your party. Jan's is hilarious and after the little story when questioned bout his numerous presences he says "When you have that many monkeys there is nothing you cant do" :D

I like when you summom Minsc to the pocket plane. Never knew Boo was so powerful. :)

when aeriee tells minsc she will be his witch on mine there was a screw up and it said b****. it was great i was rolling on the floor. Then minsc made his speech about finally having a witch and agian it said b****.Imoen hitting on keldorn to cover up her pickpocketing was great to.

I can't believe my topic is still on. This is hilarious!!! i started this in july and now it's september ... and there a quite a few noticable resurrections here and there...

These are all from SoA, but I thought I'd list them anyway (they aren't direct quotes... I can't remember exactly what was said):

When Minsc hides: "None shall see me... though, my battle cry may give me away" (sounds much funnier when he actually says it).

Jan, when you all arrive in hell after defeating Irenicus: "You know, this reminds me of that time... I remember when... this is just like... I don't think anything like *this* has ever happened to me before.

And then there's the "secret passions of the flesh golem" (or whatever it was called) set of lines between Jan and Keldorn. Apparently the book sells particularly well amongst the Paladin spouse market, and Jan graciously offers to send him a copy (if his wife doesn't already have one).

Oh, and I don't think I'll ever forget the "dont stow thrones in grass houses" joke told in the tavern in Ust Natha.

A funny one I just experienced was,

"I don't know how they do things where you come from, but here in Abizigal's Enclave, we work for our Scrolls of Reversal"

-Iycanth the Mad :grin:

Sorry if someone has already posted this one, but:

Ogrillon: "You mess with me, you mess with you"

Um... Argyle... there are no ogrillions in ToB...

Shadow Goddess: There are if you summon them :p :D :heh:

Might have already been said, but:

Cespanar (about Erinne sling,)

"Hmmm...What you need sling for? You some kind of wimp?"

It's sissy, not wimp, sissy. Sorry for correcting you, but I can't help it.

I agree - the only time you'll see ogrillons in ToB (or SoA, for that matter) is if you summon them. Unless you've sworn off using summons altogheter, chances are that at some stage that you'll end up with a pack of them under your control, though. Very good for killing things that have a habit of using Protection from Magical Weapons. Anyway, I'm off topic, so I suppose I'd better throw a quote in here somewhere:

Yoshimo: "Haaaaaiiiiya! (tourists love that stuff)".

And then there's Imoen's happy comment in ToB: "Just like old times! Well, except for the torture."

...and all" (just to complete Imoen's line in the previous post)

Korgan:
-That's more like it. The first to disobey orders gets an axe in their skulls.

It may be childish, but has anyone heared the one which Minsc says after a while when your reputation is getting high, and Minsc says something about that your parties reputation is spreading like "the fragrant cloud from Boo's buttocks after he has eaten too many crackers".

Or when he suddenly says "Things go bump in the night... but none bump bigger than Minsc!!!"

My favourite dialogue was when Imoen baits Anomen in ToB:
Imoen: So. You're part of that Order of the Radiant Heart, right, Anomen? The paladins and clerics that run around Amn getting outraged at everything?
Anomen: I find your description bordering on insult, girl...but, yes, I am a member of the Order. Why?
Imoen: Well, a full hundred of them marched all solemn-like up to Candlekeep about ten years ago, all to donate a single book to the monks. Did you know about that?
Anomen: No, but it sounds like something the Order might do, depending on the book.
Imoen: It was a big book, as I recall. I stole into the archive to look at it...did you know it had all sorts of pictures of naked men and women? Total filth! I'm surprised the Order even had something like that.
Anomen: No doubt it was a book of great evil. Perhaps the Order gave it over to the care of your monks so that it would not be used by those of impure intentions.
Imoen: Well, I don't know about that. Winthrop caught me peeking and gave me hell like you won't believe...but I noticed he kept the book in his room after that point.
Anomen: Vile girl! I'll not listen to any more of this! Go bother <CHARNAME>!

Ok, I just HAD to resurect this string.

MY fave? Between Viconia and Minsc!

Viconia: Minsc, that tattoo on your face. Does it have tribal significance or did some nursery's fingerpainting class assault you with the blue pastels?

Minsc: I do not like the tone of your voice, Dark Elf. The face I have is the face the ladies love! Boo loves Minsc's face, too! Don't you, Boo?

Way funnier than THAT when you hear it!

Reading Krakin's post i remember i once had mazzy in my party and in trademeet, and i decided to save then go on a mass killing spree. I walked into a temple and killed the preist, i then searched his corpse and found a potion or antidote, after picking it up Mazzy says something along the lines of "what a good and rightous thing we have done". I assume this is supposed to be trggered during a quest, but it sure was funny.

Oh I like the part with Serevok and Imoen if you give him her soal:

Imoen: So Serevoke now that you have a piece of my soal in you...do you feel any different?

Srevoke:Well beside an obsession with my clothes and weight, No.


hehehe.....

I like the reply from Minse when I gave a begger some gold. (IIRC)"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day, but teach a man to fight and he'll be kicking butt for Goodness!"

~Shamroc

[Shamroc - I've asked you to please NOT post ~Shamroc at the end of your posts; we know who you are already - BTA]

[This message has been edited by Blackthorne TA (edited February 05, 2002).]

A little obscure and from SoA but... in the bridge district, talking to a fish vendor, and he mentions sewage and Jan says "Sewage eh? Is that bad for the fish?" :D

[This message has been edited by Cannibal Penguin (edited February 07, 2002).]

What Edwin says when you accept the Fallen Paladins quest... can\t remember it well, but it says something about being able to blast spells at Paladins, Fallen or not, and that "maybe <charname> will let me keep one" or something like that... Had me in stitches.

Ara
(Aargh... need more posts... must... not... spam...)

I've had two funny inappropriate voice-over triggers:

One was when Irenicus is killing the Shadow-Theives-in-jars the second time, and as they're going 'argh!' 'Aaaugh!' etc. and exploding into bloody bits, Aerie suddenly pipes up with, 'I'm so happy you brought me with you ... I never imagined we'd be doing such great things.'

The second was once when my PC got gakked, and the sounds of battle slowly faded out, as they do, except that Imoen had just been hit really badly, and as I watched the death movie I heard her standard badly-injured-line: 'I ... I could really use a hand here.' Now if you picture the death video in your mind, you'll know why this had me laughing out loud like crazy.

Come on, i can't believe no one has posted this!

Jan: Beware Evil, Your knees are mine!

Another good 'un. When you're just wandering about, Jan sometimes say's "home-sweet-home....wait, I never lived here"

Aerie- (gasp!) you... you haven't done anything that it's said, have your?

Imoen- Well... other than that time I got up in the middle of the night to snatch a bag full of cinnamon cookies, heck no

Aeria- Oh, goo-... what ? Cinnamon Cookies?

Imoen- Ha ha! Oh, come on, Aerie! Lighen up, willya? i'll tell ya what.. if I have any desires to murder you in the middle of the night you'll be the first to know, okay ?

Aerie- That's not very funny, Imoen. TriLleX never makes fun of his condition in that way

TriLleX- Well, it's been so much easier since i discovered all the slayer really wants is a sandwich...

Minsc talking to seravoc about him not being evil enough:
"Boo thinks somthing about this smells, and its not the gaseus clouds comming from his furry buttock's"

Resurrecting a fairly old topic, but this conversation between Aerie and Mazzy made me laugh:
Aerie: Mazzy? Do you think you'll ever be a true paladin for Arvoreen?
Mazzy: I am a Truesword for my god, Aerie. That is as close as I can expect to come. To hope for otherwise would be foolish and naive of me.
Aerie: Yes, but I was told that there was a time that halflings were rogues only - that you would never find one that was a cleric or even a warrior such as yourself anywhere.
Mazzy: That's true, if unfortunate. But that was a long time ago, Aerie...things have changed since then.
Aerie: But maybe things could change again? Maybe your people could become paladins and rangers and even mages one day, without limitation. Wouldn't that be exciting?
Mazzy: Yes, yes, and maybe my people will become skinny, wear shoes, and have big, long skulls. Really, Aerie, you needn't keep your head in the clouds ALL the time.
Aerie: Well, it was just a thought.
Mazzy: And it wasn't a bad one. But it's not likely that the gods are going to revamp the halflings and come out with a 'third edition', as it were, now, is it?
Aerie: Oh, you never know. The gods do strange things, sometimes.

Were that a real conversation? What triggered it? It is hilarious! :D

Jansen when you face Irenicus for the last time down in hell. He sais something like: "You know, some people just won't die".... never thought Jansen would say such thing :D

Also when you get to The Gates in SoA and Jansen talks to Valygar about his uncle that always yook a milk bath before and after an adventure :)

Yes the Aerie/Mazzy dialogue is a real one, it is hilarious.

Another Cespanar quote, "Ohh, Holy Sword...youse don't belong in Hell maybe?"

The Aerie/Immy/PC banter was hilarious. I chose the "Slayer wnated a sandwhich" option. It hurt my pregnant girl's feelings, but it was too funny to pass up, and since it technically isn't a romance dialogue, you can get away with it.

Sarevok and Immy,

Immoen, "So tell me what it's like to be dead Sarevok, I mean, since you've experienced it on multiple occasions."

Sarevok, "WHAT! you mean a tiny little do-gooder like yourself has never died, why I would've thought you had a permanent discount at the Temple of Helm!"

I, "Oh, but those were never for very long, and I just felt like I was floating over my body. But you..."

S "Any more of your cheeruppy banter and I'll provide you with an education." :-p

Mine has to be the Sandwhich one as well. Has me in stitches.
But nothing the petrified adventurers.
"right when we get there, I'll cast magic missile, you use backstab, and you can go into a frenzy, right?"
"ahaha here you go the beholders eye, NOW DIE!!!!"
"Oh dear thats not good...."
**Toni reloads**
"uhm...yes...here you go...goodbye"

Had me roling all over the house, nearly out down the street.

But nothing can compare to the Sarevok/Jan conversation.
Jan: You know what Sarevok, i have found a flaw in your plan to rule the sword...
Sarevok: If you prize your life halfling you will keep your mouth shut!
J: you see the impurities in the metal was very interesting, but wasn't very practicle...
S: Do you listen me?
J: You know my great aunt **can't remember name** had an idea for the take over of the sword coast...
S: Shut up you annoying little man!
J: her meathod included a very tastey turnip pie, that she would feed all the nobles in the high court and it would contain a nice potion to make them all drueling imbeciels. But alas, she got it wrong.
and so on. It is quite funny, and watching Sarevok getting very angry is worth it.

The formerly petrified adventurers is hilarious too.

"We can take Sean O' Glaigh. You can shoot your magic missile at him, you can backstab, I...

ATTACK!

Sean O' Glaigh turns into the Slayer. Chunk, chunk, chunk,

"Bogari reloads."

"Umm, here's your eyestalk Sean O' Glaigh."

heh-heh

By FAR the greatest one is when Mazzy asks Jan why he is so short yet farsighted and Jan gives an incredibly long speech cumulating in a story of him being naked on a ship, at which point Mazzy tells him to shut up. Its just CLASSIC!

[This message has been edited by SlimShogun (edited April 14, 2002).]

Never heard that one...

Btw, the name of the character found in Abazigal's Lair is Bondari.

He is the one who reloads his game.

Best line ever:
So the fool finally got himself killed!

(Or something like that, it's been a while:) )

Or
Imoen to Minsc: Minsc I want a Hampster!

does anyone get annoye with aries "faster than cheater fast paws"???? it really annoys the hell out of me. Anything that includes Edwin in is funny. Especially when he get halfway through his quest.

The Aerie quote goes: "Faster than Chittika Fastpaws!"

Ara
(Picking nits is very hard, you know....)

Chikkita Fastpaws is the very mischevious sidekick of the gnomish deity Baervan Wildwanderer (who just happens to be Aerie's patron deity). Seems like a pretty reasonable sort of thing to say. No where near as silly as Nalia's "For the Needy!". Ugh. I like having Nalia in my party, but that does get a bit old.

I have to agree with the Sandwich and Cookies speech as best, but I also liked the time Mazzy actually got the better of Jan in a conversation. It wasn't all that funny per se, but it was great to see anyway. :)

Aloha
Vormaerin

I got rid of Aerie just because of that dumb quote. Jan Says things that are far too long.

I wish there was some way you could extract all the interactions. A bunch of them are worth listening to at least once a week. Black Isle definately gets the Comedy award from me for their character interations.

Anyway, Viconia and Valgar have a little spat that I like. Something along the lines of "Valgar, you are covered in dirt, your fingernails are dirty, you smell like a sewer when I'm downwind of you; maybe I'm being too indirect here...TAKE A BATH!"

Has anyone heard the one between Korgan and the Main Character?
Only works if it is a female character, Korgan admits to fancying them! but is only joking, hey what about a korgan romance?
:roll:
Korgy: I've been resistin' these urges for too long! <Charname> Iv'e something I need to tell you!
Char: What is it, Dwarf?
Korgy: Charname! I love you, sure you have no beard to speak of, but I am a universal man.
Char: At last our love can be proclaimed!
Korgy: Eh? Look, I was on'y pullin' yer leg,
Char: Oh? Chicken? you should know never to mess with the emotions of a Child of Bhall
Korgy: Aye, it'd never work, your just too powerful...:roll::roll::roll::roll:

Xzar's "I ate his lever with a flask of keonte and some fava beans" ;)

Jan's speech at the end, which I won't go into because of it's spoiler-ish nature, is great as well. Had me laughing for minutes, that one. Anyone brave enough to bring along the gnome till the end knows...

cespenar, as noted in the other posts, has a near monopoly on the one-liners in ToB, and one of my favorites is the one about the crossbow bolts..."crossbows be sucky, but with this recipe, maybe make them less sucky." Or something like that. Amen to that, cespenar, crossbows be truly sucky. Let's skip the case of plenty +2. My other favorite cespenar quotes have already been mentioned...

These are great!

Minsc, Jan, and Cespenar have the best quotes tho.

When is this dialogue between Aerie, Imoen, and the PC supposed to come about?

Cespenar is definetly the funniest of all chars. My favourite qute was about the Tievers Hood and something for the grandmother of Red Hat. I didn't remember exactly

The funniest words i the game are saied by Gorimir II-Khan: "We is no idiot! Isn't it stupid?

Bastet, I believe that's "chianti."

(***NOTE***) I can't exactly remember the dialog below, but if you do, please post it!)

PC: "I love your innocence Aerie"
Aerie: "Im not innocent anymore! The next person who calls me that...I'll turn them into a toad! And as for you my love, just wait until sundown and I promise you I'll be anything BUT innocent!"

I don't know about you but I like a girl with a dirty mind!!!! <img src="http://www.sorcerers.net/ubb/smilies/rolling.gif">

[ July 02, 2003, 21:44: Message edited by: Kitrax ]

All my favs have already been posted.
Here is a minor:

-Please! Don't eat me! Daddy said Bhaalspawns eat little boys. *Sob*
-Your daddy was right. I'm here to eat you. RAAARGH!

Dear UNREGISTERED Shadow thief

I think that the funniest dialog is:
CESPENAR:I running out of resepies soon(not sure that that is what he said)gotta find Martha soon.She round hell i thinks.It really is damn true!!!!!!!!!

Cespenar: Ohhh, big weapon this,... you over compensating mabye?

AND

Cespenar: You'se got to have something good in here? Female Imp maybe?
(well, I think they go something like that)

Hehe, you just gotta love that imp.


[This message has been edited by DinoTiggy1 (edited June 12, 2002).]

Gond help be but I feel so turned on right now - Jan to Viconia after she tricked him

Is it me, or am I sober? - Can't remember who said it

Well, since this thread has risen from the depths, here is a funny quote when you go to Aran Linvail after going to get Imoen:

Aran: And I see that you have your comapanion back among you. That was your goal wasn't it? I trust you are no worse for the wear, my dear?

Imoen: Other than the fact that Bodhi has my soul, shure....I'm just fine. How about you?

Aran: Ah...I see. Would that I had a spare, but thats not the commerce I traffic in.

I love that one! :rolling:

Since this topic was resurrected, I thought I'd post one of my favorites that hasn't been mentioned between Vicky and Seravok. (It has been a while if I have seen this, so no guarantee that this is exact.)

Viconia: Might we share a whispered word?
Seravok: Go ahead drow, what do you want?
Viconia: We as drow seek to further our experiences, and you intrigue me.
Seravok: If you were to get through, you would find only cold darkness.
Viconia: That does not turn me off like you might imagine.
Seravok: I orchestrated a war to kill, plotted to take Baldur's Gate, but you drow, you scare me.
Viconia: Bah! Cowards everywhere! If you find your courage, do seek me out.

I take it Seravok didn't want to fight with my main character over her.

[EDIT]Aerie threatens to turn anyone that calls her innocent into a squirrel, not a toad.

[This message has been edited by Rastor (edited July 09, 2002).]

Okay, I just thought of 2 more (I quickly glanced through this post and didn't find these two, much to my astonishment, but if they're in here I apologize in advance).

First, is when you speak to one of the psychos in Spellhold, the one who keeps telling you to stop barking and such...:

"One has lots of time for reflection while waiting for the ENDLESS WAVES OF BAD DOGGIE WEREWOLF MONSTERS THAT CHEW YOUR TOES WHILE YOU SLEEP."

The other is a conversation between Minsc and the Pirate Lord of Brynnlaw, when you're trying to get into Spellhold and you introduce Minsc to the Lord...(paraphrased)

PC: Minsc, meet the Pirate Lord.
M: You seem rather nice for a Pirate Lord, I will let Boo have a look at you.
PL(Pirate Lord :p): Uh...Why is your friend pointing a hamster at me?
M: You are not what I expected for a Pirate Lord. Where is your peg?
PL: My...peg?
M: Yes, your peg. Every true pirate has a peg, whether a leg or an arm..or...another expendable extremity. And a parrot.
PL: A parrot?
M: Yes, a parrot. As I have my Boo you must also have your parrot. Boo likes parrots, they can wrassel.
PL: Okay, you are definitely insane, a true danger to society. I feel stupider just talking to you. Stupider? More stupid? (then something telling you to leave)

I read thru this whole thing to finally get my favorite one up. Wouldn't you know it/ The one before this got the one about trying to prove that you are insane to get into spellhold, and that was the one that really got me laughing.
:wail:

Here are two things that Volo will say if you right click him:

Offly familar with that pointer arn't you, and after only one drink too...

I've a story for every man, woman, and child in Farun, however copywrite laws forbid me the telling...heh...

Volo is cool! :rolling:

One of my favourites is during the final fight at the Throne of Bhaal...

The villan (I'm leaving out the name so I won't spoil anyone) rants on about their goals of becoming a god and reigning the world in terror and chaos etc....

And one of the choices is "Well, sure...I guess everyone has a dream. Psycho."

I LOVE that! Always choose that one.

Here's a couple that I thought were good:

(while romancing Jaheira; something to the effect of...)
J: So, fearless leader, where to now?
P: I don't rightly know. I'm open to suggestions.
J: Well I would suggest you figure out something soon and I would also suggest that the next time someone asks a question, don't respond with 'I don't rightly know'. It makes you sound like you were dropped as a child.... or kicked.

(during an interaction with Minsc, in which my character agreed with his suggested course of action - this one had me rolling)
M: Now you are speaking the language of Minsc! Now we must get you a hamster; or an ice weasel, whatever your taste.

possible spoilers
.
.
.
.
.
.
(conversations w/ Galvary when summoned to the Harper Hold)
G: What are your earliest memories? (or something like that)
P: Well, I remember coming through that door back there. Beyond that, it is all a blur.

(later)
G: So you view violence as unavoidable. Typical. Do you have violent thoughts often?
P: Actually, I'm having a few right now.

Tashia(elven sorceress)I will finger you to death giants! uh that didnt come out right:P

It's not a response but I thought it was rather funny.

When wandering around the forest Cernd, in his usual "deep and meaningful" manner, suddenly pipes up with one of his nature quotes,

"A bird in hand gathers no moss...or some such..." This was so funny to hear because he realises that he just stuffed up. Made me smile. :)

It's great to solo TOB with an Ubercharacter and when you smash the hell out of Sendai's army they keep on intoning, "The Drow Rule Supreme!" :confused:

I just smashed you all! Get with it matey!

I bought this game on an urge and I just couldn't wait for it to be delivered from abroad so I bought it from a local shop, which means I'm stuck with the French version and its appalling translation...
But the translation mistakes lend themselves to some good laughs.
For example:
- When you activate the Planar Sphere I suppose the original message you get refers to a "plane travel". Meaning "interplanar". But plane was translated here as an "airplane". So you get a message saying that you took off in an airplane. LOL.
- Also in the Planar Sphere, when you take the last of the Stronghold quests, your character finds the Cowled Mage's a tad suspicion and says that he can "smell a rat". Well, that was translated literally: you char says there a rat smell in the air.

You get a few such gems that make you laugh, but overall poor translations are really annoying. That's why I usually get my games from the UK or the US and I'm starting to think I should have done so for this one as well.
Most riddles in the Asylum for instance are completely meaningless in their translated form.

Perhaps you should consider offering your services for game companies as a translator between French and English (or Drow? just joking... :p )

RRghh... yes, I know how awful it can be.

I bought a russian version of Fallout2 a few years ago, (cause they simply had no other in the stores) and I couldn't finish the game at all because the quest hints which you usually get in dialogs or such were completely lost in the poor translation... so I didn't know what the heck I'm supposed to do...
:(
and I WON'T even mention the horrible voice acting!! :eek: so I decided: sOrrY FoLks! no more translated games for me! one was more than enough.

Anyhow, it was supposed to be a topic for funny quotes, right? so here's MY favorite:

In ToB, the owner of the tavern in Saradush Pyrgam Aleson mentions: "sister Farielle and I have a very *close* relationship" and Korgan's remark about it is:
"Har! a little pickle tickle with the sister in the back of the church, eh? Ye know what they say... nun is better! HAR! HAR! HAR!"

Korgan rules or KORGAN RULES???? :D

Cespenar: Oooohhh, you gots the flail of many heads.... Auch! Wrong head!

Cespenar: He? What's this? A shower curtain? Ow... it's only a cloak... Nasty patern!

Edwin: Cry for your lives... they are over!

Edwin: Could my opinion of this group drop ANY lower?! Evidently so!

Gotta love Edwin!

Cespenars funniest lines:

"What´s this, a cookie? *crunch* *crunch* Eehh!!
This´s no cookie!!"

or this one

"You have big hammer, Bhaal once dropped big hammer on big godly toe. Jumped around and sweared for days he did. Kicked poor me all the way to Baator. Very bad week that"

Whhheeee!!!
/_____________________
\


Got me second gem!!

:coffee:

Cespanar is full of good lines. One that I like is:

"hmmm, what's this? Old rations? Do you clean pack or just pretend?"

While we're at it- I'm quite embarrased to admit, but I didn't understand Cespenar's Martha joke... care to explain?...

martha atewart (sp?) is a TV chef with alot of recipies that have gone wrong

LOL! *falls of the chair* LOL!

My favourite line has to be when Jan and Haer'Dalis are discussing poetry. Jan asks for a word that rhymes with "bucket", and an increasingly annoyed Haer'Dalis replies along the lines "Well one does spring immediately to mind".

i dont know if anyone has mentioned this yet. the argument between minsc and viconica really cracked me up. i dont remember much of it but here's what i do remember. it was something along the lines of this

Viconica to minsc: whats wrong with your face. did you get attacked by a group of children with pastels??

Jan after you summoned him into ToB:

Jan: Time for a litle adventure, is it? I figured as much. I saw some ogres down in Amn capture a small Bhaalspawn...a kobold, that one, my but that Bhaal got around, didn't he? Anyway, they were stewing him in a big iron pot and I thought to myself "Jan, my boy, that's adventure you're smelling".
PC: That's horrible!
Jan: Not as horrible as the stew. Very bland, no salt.

What's REALLY bad is the rabbit Bhaalspawn and co. hanging around in the Marching Mountains! :grin: Though what exactly they say escapes me, it's funny getting attacked by someone who could just as easily be 'Bugs Bunny-spawn!'

Yeah, that is a fun little fight. Especially the dialogue they say whenever they run.

Lilarcor:

'MURDER DEATH KILL!! MURDER DEATH KILL!!'

'You know, my last owner always said I was..Sharp and edgy....... He was SUCH an Ass!'

'I LOVE THE SMELL OF DAISIES IN THE MORNING!!!!'
(I almost fell from my chair with laughter when I first heard this)

MAN! I hate it SO much you can't upgrade that sword! It's +3, but I already have +4 and +5 swords now, so I don't need it anymore, while I love that sword the most of all! :(

One of the downloads on the site allows you to upgrade it, but it won't hold dialogues anymore.

Adding on the Aerie thing *spoiler*

Jan - So you finally got little Aerie pregnant. Well with you two going at it like to hormonially im-balanced rabbits I was beginning to think <Charnames> bow was out of arrows if you know what I mean.

May not be exact words

I'm not sure if it's already been posted, but my favourite is from one of the orcs in Firkrag's dungeon. I don't remember the exact words, but it's along the lines of:

Please don't kill me! I didn't want to eat children or kick old people! Just job!

This was quite funny. It's just after Jan explains to Viconia that he is deaf and reads lips...

When travelling with Viconia and Jan...

Viconia - How is it that you travel with such a wee buffoon? (I didn't know that Viconia knew Scottish English!)

PC - Truthfully it all goes back to the time that Jan's cousin, Plooty Paladin-Piper, got caught in a nasty flesh golem eating contest...

Jan - Aye, Plooty had a way of attracting golems. Brilliant, really. You start with a saucer of milk - golems are suckers for milk...

Viconia - I refuse to listen to this.

My PC and Jan were rolling on the floor with laughter. You should have seen Viconia's face. She can be so snobby when she's angry.... :D

hehe,,, .... The Stableboy in Umar Hills;
So, year a ranger `at doesn`t impress me, none. Shoot, my gramma could kick yer arse, sure enough :D

In Watcher's Keep you get attacked by this bunch of Imps called Quasits. And the battle happens in a wild surge room (wild magic effects).
During the fight one Imp says: "Oops a gate... Is that a demon!?!?"
and guess what he summoned :D

anyone here knows where i can find a book that translates Drow on the net - i wonder what Viccy sez when says "Jah Kallhes"(sp) - it could be Motherf*cker

Jah'kaless=As you wish.

Most of her drow speak comes right out of the Drizzt books.

I have heard an other amusing annecdote last weekend.

It's when you have both Korgan and Jan with you.

At one time, Korgan asks Jan to tell a good story about dwarfs.
Well, Jan only knows one story about his cousin falling in love with a dwarf lass (With a nice beard ofcourse!). Well, all the dwarfs love his turnips and even start wearing turnip-made hats and shoes. (Korgan falls in here with some grumbling and telling Jan that he wants a story with gold or blood). Well, it turns out that the dwarf lass was allergic to the turnips. So this cousin of Jan wants to move back to his old house again, but the dwarfs don't let him before he lets them know the recipe for turnips. (Jan: "But ofcourse you can't tell that to someone... You either have the gift or you do not!") Turns out they're holding him prisoner... The dwarfs never thought Gnome flesh could be so sweet! (Korgan almost falls to the ground with laughter: "Hahahahaha, you told a GREAT story gnome!)

It was really funny! ;)

Korgan to edwin: Now shut your mouth spell-chucker, afore i have to shuit it for you.

When in the harper hold:
I hope my cell has a veiw.

These may not be the exact dialouges, but they may be close

Another great dialogue is the one between Jan and Anomen, after Anomen brags that he killed 20 (I think) giants in a war, and then Jan tells a story about an orc named Ano who took credit for killing a giant that had actually been slain by a heroic knight and then brags to all of his village that he killed the giant. The giant's brother heard that Ano killed his brother, so he captures Ano (while he's stuffing his bed with dung), and uses Ano to clean his cesspit...only to find out that Ano enjoys it.
Anomen's reaction is distinctly un-knightly, as he threatens to kill Jan, in a somewhat colourful manner...
I laughed for about five minutes after reading the dialogue.

Ano? I wonder where Jan got that name?

Minsc :rolleyes:
None will see me,... Though my battlecry may give me away.
Tipical for minsc. ;)

Lousey job, lousy life, lousy kids, lousy wife.

:lol:

Xzar in any way...

1. his arguments with Jahiera in BG1
2. his comment in the night
3. his comments in regular

Well, it's not exactly a quote or something, but here goes nothing:

When in the lair of Abazigal, you meet this wizard which has 3 aprentices or something that are turned to stone.
When you release them, they start talking to you. You can now tell them that the world is in danger and that everybody dies if you don't get a gauth's eyestalk soon (Needed by the wizard). They go and after a while return. One wispers that they can take me out if they try and so they try. You can't do a thing, but you kill 2 of the 3 boys. Then the third runs away a little bit and reloads the game... The screen turns black and guess what; they come walking to you all three once more and give you the eyestalk...!!!

They have such cool humor at Interplay's!

Yes, it's funny as hell, but...
you never read other posts in this topic did you? :rolleyes: ;)

Uhm, no.... I kinda think there are to many to start... I read the first page a while ago.... and now I did again and saw that this was already posted on the first page... Hmmmm... Sorry!

But now everyone can laugh again about this, even though it is already posted before...

[ August 24, 2002, 13:49: Message edited by: Lord Ogre ]

What?!? But I thought you said you'd... nevermind

I can't remember where I got it, ToB somewhere I think

From Haer'Dalis to Edwin:

I once knew a Red Mage of Thay
Who dreamed of lichdom some day
He said he knew how to do it
But he still managed to screw it
up in the funniest way

Quote:
Jah'kaless=As you wish.

Most of her drow speak comes right out of the Drizzt books.

but she says that when you click on her not gives her order

Sorry, I was thinking of the wrong term.

It's "What is your wish?"

good thanx... but do anyone know where to find a free drow dictionary (sp.) on the web...

http://php.iupui.edu/~asimmon/drow.html

thanx man... it is great... i have written a thing to my girlfriend in drow...

Ussta dro zhah naubol ka usstan uil naut ul'naus ulu dos.

Ussta dro zhah dosst.

Dos phuul lil mzilst ssin'urn rivvin pholor lil har'dro.

Usstan zhal naut nelgetha ussa whol ssinssriggin dos.

try to translate this... tokk me a good half an hour to write this... pretty happy after all...

[ August 31, 2002, 02:48: Message edited by: Cog Primius ]

I could translate it - without the site - lets hope your girlfriend can read it :lol:

no problemo... she is a Drow... (no but an ebony)

I just had a conversation between Minsc and his witch Aerie

Minsc asked Aerie if she had something against the Calisham itch because Minsc thought all witches had that.
Aerie said she would look for it then Minsc responded with "Great, then me and Boo can get back to buttkicking instead of Buttitching!"

:D

Yes all those are hilarious...

One that I like is Jan when he gets critically injured;

Words to the effect of:

"I don't mean to startle you or anything, but, all this blood spurting about everywhere, its actually mine!"

(instead of "Ouch!")

Hmmm... this one is from the Annah voice pack, so I don't know if it counts exactly... But in the beginning of the game, when Irenicus fries you and normal voices go "AAAARRRGGHHHH!", the Annah voicepack moans @I don't wanna die here"... I find it quite comical.

Ara
(Weed, Speed, Birthcontrol)

I'm playing with a 'Blackadder II' wav files voicepack - it's hilarious every time i move somewhere!

Also in the Government district there is a woman called Ophelia (I think). If you talk to her with Valygar in the party, she flirts with him but Valygar gets scared! If you talk to her with Nalia in the party, the have an argument and Nalia calls Ophelia something like an 'upperclass *****'!

Anomen was in the Temple of Lathander and he said that line, "Pfeh, a *something* pool of corruption if ever there was one" heh, heh

In Umar Hills, if you talk to Jeb you get the There's a WHAT in the chicken? quest, and if you attack the chickens, one of the dialogue options goes somewhere along the lines of:

"This is between me and the chicken"

Ara
(Someohow my Truw Neutral has the rep of 20... need to kill somethinbg, soon!)

The absolute best quote from Throne of Bhaal:

That guy in Saradush is using big words so:

PC: Maybe your grandoise vocabulary is a pathetic compensation for an insuffeciency in the nether regions of your anatomy!

I remember one where you have something with bullets in it, and he says somthin' like: "Bag of rocks? Why does you have so many rocks? Need for head?"

There was also one from the original BG, after clicking Xzar a few times: "Those the gods wish to destroy, they first make mad! Mad! *maniacal laughter*"

[ December 11, 2002, 00:05: Message edited by: Tarol'azh ]

My favourite comes from BG1

When stealing something from candlekeep, and you get caught, the option is

Shove it you uppity bald virgin.

Cheers.

My fave would have to be when I was about to confront Irenicus on top of that giant tree. The flippant nature of the dialogue made me laugh so hard i bit my tongue. Haerdalis and Jan were conversing and at one point Haerdalis says..

"What's a moose?"

Gabriel

Dont think you guys got this yet, since I read all the reply. This is from the TOB, it's Imoen and Edwin. Imoen says somthing like her being a Bhallspawn, and Edwin being scared of her. Edwin replies. Afterwards, Imoen goes "BOO" and Edwin startled. Imoen laughed a li`l bit, saying "I go Boo and he jumps off his skin" os something like that...

I read this whole thread just before the weekend. But I can't remember anymore wether this was here or not, so I apologize if it is.

In Firkraag's dungeon, there is this part where you sway from the needed path a bit and get this mission from Samia (or something such like) to get her stuff for "academic purposes" because her blood is denied entrance. If you take a bit more sceptical approach to the situation, she says something like: "..I'm not just a well-bosomed adventuress out to make a fame.." I had a good laugh at that Tomb Raider mock.

Reasons why the Spectator RULES!

"If you are going to ask me for a game of peek-a-boo,Im not interested"

-What can u tell me about those two imps?

"Ah they have been here since that drow who summoned me was slaughtered..Sixty years with two imps and a mad fish-king for company!Is this hell??"

-Are you sure I can't look in that chest you guard?

"What?Are you in a desperate need,or something?Have you a dying relative that desperately needs whats in this chest?"

"OH,I get it!You just HAVE to have what's in this chest right??? Because if a Beholder's guarding it,it HAS to be cool!"

"Keep in mind the drow who summoned me was mad.But,hey,who I am to judge,I suppose.I've been playing tic-tac-toe with a pair of imps for 60 years"

Now Interplay gave a recital of humor here..every time Im sad I just look at this line and my day brightens :)

Just remebered some other funny lines. When you get Aerie tot talk to Salvanas in the Copper Coronet (don't know if this has already been posted), the conversation goes like this:

s-Hello, my pretty dove (sounds like Haer'dalis). I am Salvanas...and I am so pleased that my gaze has chanced to fall upon you...
a-Are you talknig to me?
s-But of course I am talking to you...your skin is so pale, your gaze so innocent and your hips so rounded...I burn with sudden, aching desire!
a-Quayle told me about men like you. Go away sir. And stop touching my hand!
s-But I am helpless but to reach out for you, my dove (gag). Your beauty calls to me, stirs my passions within me!
a-You'll have a magic missle or two within you pretty soon! Now stop this nonsense! (Ouch!)

Likewise, if Jaheira talks to him...
s-Ah, I sense you have an earthy wisdom about you, my sweet elf. I find that most sensual.
j-Do you also find sensual my disdain for your disgusting manner?
s-Ah, such passion! You set me on fire with your words...and with your lovely body, as well...
j-I could set you on fire with more than that, if you truly wish.
s-Welll...er, no, not really...
j-The first thing of sense you have said. Now stay out of my way. (Harsh!)

Alas, I did not have any other females in my party, so I'll have to wait for those conversations. Unless any of you people know them...

With Salvanas -

Nalia
- That's a pretty line - but i heard you say exactly the same thing to Priss just the other day.

Viconia(IIRC)
Sal - How I wish to spend a night with you
Vic - I doubt you would be able to stand my power
Sal - I would die to spend the night with you.
Vic - Suddenly I am tempted - but no, I shall refrain.

Lo everybody! Merry krizmuz and happy new year. This my first post (reply) here so I though on replying here on this very interesting topic.

All in all, theres a lot of funny quotes around in whole BG saga. Bit offtopic since this is ToB part of forum, but most of you replied with quotes from several games. So here's couple of mine from original BG:

-"Never spit in a man's face unless he's mustache is on fire" - Portalbendarwinden
-"My lung is all over the dirt. Damn" - Portalbendarwinden"

Im not sure for both =) (if they are said by him or are they correctly typed). Doh, but i think they are correct.

Ill prolly find lotsa more since im just starting to play BG saga and some other RPGs at same time ( :o ) all over again.

In my opinion, funniest characters are: Xzar (as first true comedian (actually him and Montaron as duo)), Minsc, Edwin (bg and bg2), Tiax (some cool phrases), Korgan, Lilarcor (sword), and Spectator/Beholder-in-sahaugin-city.

Many more NPC's i'm sure but i could only think of these for now =).

P.S. many more encounters, characters and ppl who have no idea of your character's heritage, are funnier than these characters i listed, though there are too many to list =)

Edwin: What is the opposite of lesson?
Minsc: Opposite of lesson ... less on ... more on!
The opposite of lesson is more on! More on?
Do you dare to insult me once again?

(Fight breaks out)

If the protagonist has a low int in the drow city:

Solaufein: Do you know what a devourer is?
PC: Uh...an otyugh?
Sol: No, you moronic dolt!

Xyphys where did you find that one? It's great.

Here's on of my favourites (don't sue me if it ain't 100% correctly transferred)...

Minsc: The bars, they bend and twist at my beserker strength... now I will... now... now...
Minsc (continued from above): Oh hoo... You're a smart one, I see this now... allmost as smart as Boo sometimes. You said that just to get me mad, mad enough to break free.

It's much better when Minsc actually says it.

8people.

Edwina's reply to Salvanas is by far the best of all the with female chats he has... Try it and see...

@ Rathan:

For me it happened when I was working for the Shadow Thieves and was asked to clear out the vampires underneath the Graveyard. A lot of time had already passed with both Edwin and Minsc in the party and suddenly that conversation popped up.

Edwin to Minsc: "Is the hamster speaking to you now, Minsc? Are his thaughts... entertaining?"

I think it was more like: *coughing and choking* *gasp* My lung! *gasp* I-it's flopping all over the dirt! *gasp* Damn.

At least, that's how I remember it.

Hmm... these are all so good. I don't think my favorite one has been posted though.

Edwin after being summoned to the Pocket Plane.

"What?! This better be important! I was in the middle of a very important business transaction! (And to think, I had the wench bargained down to 3 gold pieces for the night! Bah!)"

Xzar - a simple, but hilarious quote

"You there! Unwashed One! I'd have a word with you!"

[ January 15, 2003, 03:40: Message edited by: InquisitorX ]

Jan: Time for a litle adventure, is it? I figured as much. I saw some ogres down in Amn capture a small Bhaalspawn...a kobold, that one. My but that Bhaal got around, didn't he? Anyway, they were stewing him in a big iron pot and I thought to myself "Jan, my boy, that's adventure you're smelling".
<CHARNAME>: That's horrible!
Jan: Not as horrible as the stew. Very bland, no salt.

And then there is always the one when you finish the game, the character profiles.

Edwin died while challenging Elminster to a battle to determine who was the mightier wizard. There is, however a woman named Edwina working in a tavern in Thay. She is a bitter, bitter woman.

[ January 17, 2003, 01:31: Message edited by: Baezlebub ]

I knew it had to be something like that with Edwin. But really, watch for saying that in the future. I just recently got caught of putting up a spoil natured post myself, and this is what I get for it it seems. I haven't played through ToB with Edwin yet, so was kind of expecting to see his ending myself.

Try to get closer to Salvanas when playing with female PC...

Well, it seems bad but... hehe. When you are about to naughty- naughty with Aerie:
PC: Er...I can't get past those huge lumps of scar tissue on your shoulders. I'm really not in the mood

You really must try speaking to salvanas with Edwina. Its a laugh.

I particularly like minscs line refering to the netherscroll quest.

Minsc: I am glad that the evil wizard is gone, but who is this woman in red that is following us around?

Something to that effect.

Cheers.

How about Cespenar's
"pack rat you is youse going hell"
"what is this a glove?what is you a rock star? oh here is another"
and
Keldorn and Jan arguing about "flesh golem's sexy adventures(motions?)"

I wanted to reopen this topic because it is great, and also because I wanted to know a bit of dialogue that I can't get at at the moment.

Can someone post the Jan Jansen dialogue from the end of Throne of Bhaal, the one where he tells you about the year he spent as a God. I really want to give it to someone, but I don't have time to go through ToB to get it.

Anyway, in exchange here's a couple I like.

In SoA, a dialogue between Jan and Viconia and he tells about how he was swallowed by an avatar of Lloth, then Viconia asks you why you travel with this gnome, and you have the option to say something like, 'Well, it all began with Jan's uncle Scratchy...' and thence start up a Jansen type story yourself and annoy Viconia.

In ToB, again between Jan and Viconia. Vicci tells Jan he has a venemous spider down his back, frightening the life out of him. Then when she tells him she was joking, he says something along the lines of, 'I am so turned on right now...' It's a classic!

In the background noises in the cities people shout all kinds of things. One of my favorites is apparently from a local vendor, and it goes something like: "If your parents won't buy you a pointy stick, they don't love you!"

i just lost it when jan told valygar about his ranger aunt. don't remember it exactly, but something about jans aunt having a pet shadow dragon called larry and a wyvern called gerry. and then aunty got eaten by someone because of her fruit armor. "as was the style of the time".

I hope I don't get bombarded by reviving this topic, but this is too funny to pass up:

Edwin: Out with it, gnome! I see that you are fabricating another of your fanciful lies as you look at me!
Jan: Oh, don’t get all huffy. It’s just that, at this angle you look a lot like my Uncle Ager of the Tomes.
Edwin: Ah, and I suppose he had a comical disfigurement, or his mind fell a few coppers short of a silver, or that his tremendous odor kept the stars afloat, or some other thinly disguised failing told ONLY to demean me in the eyes of others!
Jan: Eh, no, he was a mage. Tell me, Edwin, are you having trouble at home?
Edwin: (sigh) Go away, gnome. Go away.

And this one is simply HILARIOUS!!

Imoen: You know, Jan ... I was listening to a story you were telling a little earlier. I thought it was quite fascinating.
Jan: Indeed? Well, I must say I’ve never quite looked at goat cheese quite the same way again. And neither did poor Gilbert. Or any of his cats.
Imoen: And neither will (CHARNAME), the way (HE or SHE) was groaning. Your story did remind me of a story I heard in Candlekeep, though.
Jan: Oh? A new story? My, my ... you’ve got the tiniest toes on my gnomish feet wiggling like Aunt Petunia trying to get into her Sunday dress. Let’s hear it.
Imoen: Well, it just reminded me of the bowl of goat’s milk that old Winthrop used to put outside his door every evening for the dust devils. He said that dust demons could never resist goat’s milk, and that they would always drink themselves into a stupor and then be tired to enter his room ... that way he would never have to spend any time dusting because his room was always be clean.
Jan: Ingenious! Go on.
Imoen: It turns out that dust devils gossip a lot, and tales of Winthrop’s nightly goat milk would spread. So along comes this three-armed Balor (There’s a longer story about why the Balor had only three arms, and besides the fact he was nicknamed ‘Smart Mouth’ by the greater powers of the Abyss I won’t go into it any more than that.) who flies into Candlekeep in the middle of the night and storms his way over the Winthrop’s cell and drinks the milk. The Balor, however, has mis-heard the gossip and thought he was drinking the milk of a pregnant Glabrezu. Don’t ask me why.
Jan: Well, he must have been disappointed. I know I would have been.
Imoen: Indeed, he was. He put up such a fuss and a racket, pounding on the door to Winthrop’s cell, that he woke up just about everyone in the keep. Including Gorion, who usually slept very soundly and didn’t wake up very well, anyway. Well, Gorion was all groggy and thought the keep was under attack and just about blew the roof off with a series of fireballs and lightning bolts. (CHARNAME) was so scared (HE or SHE) cried like a baby.
Jan: Hhmph. I don’t blame (HIM or HER). Uncle Scratchy once did something similar with a bad mixture of turnip stew and vinegar, but the smell was probably worse.
Imoen: Gorion was terribly angry. He was grumbling and (CHARNAME) was bawling, people were running around everywhere ... it was a terrible scene. They banned goat’s milk from the keep, which meant that Winthrop had to dust his own room after that point and taught him a lesson about trying to get out of work, as well.
Jan: Hmmmn. What happened to the Balor?
Imoen: Oh. The monks bought him off with a tome of jokes about baatezu. I hear he’s been touring the Abyss ever since. Gets heckled a lot, but what do you expect for a comedian in hell?
Jan: Hmmn. Hmn. Alright. Yes, very good job there, lass. At least one turnip reference might be called for in the future, but all-around well done.
Imoen: (giggle) I’ll keep that in mind.

I love this topic. I'm so happy it got revived.

One that had me rolling was Minsc and Korgan:

Minsc: Korgan! Boo sees that you've been staring at him. It has made him very angry. See how he trembles with the fury?

Korgan: Ach! The little bugger's probably just cold. I'll heat a pot of water to warm his wee bones and ya just toss him right in. Then its hamster stew for everyone!

This has been said, but it hasnt been well said:
Imoen: You look a little down, Edwin. You’re not upset, are you?
Edwin: My mood is no concern of yours, child.
Imoen: You’ve become less blustery, I think. Maybe ... maybe you’re mad everyone else is finding destinies and prophesies and generally surpassing you in every way?
Edwin: You go too far, girl! I hold none of you above me!
Imoen: I mean, even me, little frail Imoen is a big scary Child of Bhaal now! That’s got to be frustrating.
Edwin: Now that is just nonsense! All of it!
Imoen: Hey Edwin! Boo!!
Edwin: WHA! What ... is it .. NOW!
Imoen: He flinched! The big bad mage flinched! HAHA! Oooh, look I’m Bhaal, I’m big and scary, ooohh.
Edwin: Now that was just ... you are just being ...
Imoen: Oooooh, don’t worry, the big bad Imoen won’t scare you no more. Heeheeheee, ‘boo’ I says, and he jumped out of his skin ... (snicker)
Edwin: (grumble) ... whelp ... child ... monkey-brained ... how would you like your flaming death you ... grrrr ...

Heres another:
HaerDalis’: Ahh, Imoen, my wildflower. Have I ever told you you’ve a most natural grace and innocent beauty about you? T’is something any man would find most charming.
Imoen: Yeah, okay, whatever. I don’t know about my grace, HaerDalis’, but I’m not all that innocent. I can smell a cheesy come-on from a mile away.
HaerDalis’: ‘Twas not meant as such. I’ve no intention of offending you.
Imoen: Uh-huh.
HaerDalis’: T’is only that I see you in an unguarded moment, at times ... and I see the ache in your heart reflected in your eyes. It saddens this sparrow to know there is no-one to hold you close, Imoen.
Imoen: I ...
HaerDalis’: But no doubt I over-step my bounds by saying so. It has only ever been my hope that you might one day give me the chance to be the one that comforts you. It would be an honor, my wildflower.
Imoen: Whew. Gosh, you’re good.
HaerDalis’: Yes, I know. T’is an art form that has served this sparrow well, at times.
Imoen: Write a book. I’ll buy it.

Hey, I love this!

I remember the time I.... wait, that was my brother. Oh yeah... When I played through with only.. no, that wasn't me either.

hmm well, one time I had someone who. No, i dreamed that one.

Oh oh oh oh, here's a thought, a thought...a
it's....


gone.
sorry.

Is there any way to get Cespenar's voice?
Who play him?
That guy is the fun... can you say it? Hino's Doooooooooooooooooooooom...

Cespenar is the best, funniest, cutest... NPC I've ever seen.

"No more shiny ones. Oh, well. Back to cleaning I guesses."

Cespenar: I put your shoes in a box (or something like that)

Cespenar: "I keep looking though undies, then."
:D

I'm running out of recipes soon. Gotta see Martha. She's somewhere in hell I think.

You should got me a candle... or a parakeet in a cage. Smelly.

I sees the bracers of goody two-shoesnes.

Cespenar is a good butler. Oh Yes!

I know this is slightly offtopic but all my favorite BG2 quotes seem to have been said and reading all of them kept me laughing for an hour and reminded me of a few in the first Baldur's Gate. For istance Mad Arcand wants you to go get his ring of foolishness and in order to make his request rhyme he constantly says "Wertle, wertle, woo" and later one he ends with a warning not to wear the ring or "You'll wertle, wertle too!" And Portabalwinder goes, "My lung! It's flopping out all over the dirt! Damn" which I always found hilarious. And lastly, when you're helping Drizzt take out all the gnolls, if try to talk to him before they're all gone he says, "Do not poke the Drizzit!" which I always found hilarious.

Oh another really funny response in BG is when a the Flaming Fist guard in most southwest corner asks who you are you can say a "A pack of rampaging tarrasques! Krie! Krie!" which I also found really funny and random

Edwin from BG2 when you don't let him join:
PC: You can't join yet. Wait longer.
"Oh, good. I was afraid I wouldn't have time to finish my chart on grass-growth rate (Damn monkeys should be drawn and quartered! All of them!)."

And when you fire him:
PC: Just wait here.
"Bah! I'm sure there's a lot of things around that would keep a great magus such a I interested. Look! A rock! How fascinating!"

I cant remember the exact words but Caspenar had a line where he gave a little wink to all those who didn't buy the game and instead were playing an illigal copy.

I think he said it when I didn't whant him to forge me something.

Cespenar:

You must have something in here worth me lookings. Maybe nice female imp? Nah...

If you have Thieves’ Hood: “I...hey, what is this? A hood? You off to visits grandmother, or what?”

If you have Runehammer: “Mmm? What's this? You gots hammer? Bhaal once drop hammer on big godly toe. Jump around and swear for days, he did. Kicked poor me all the way to Baator. Very bad week, that.”

If you have Bag of Plenty: “Eh? Bag of rocks? What you do with so many rocks? Need for head?”

If you have Golem Page but dont have him upgrade it: “I just puts book back...probably too many big words for you'se, anyway. Not enough neat pictures.”

If you have Bard’s Gloves: “Hmm...mmmn....wait, here a glove. Only one? What is you, rock star? Oh, wait, here is other one...”

:grin:

Very funny responses were in Baldur's Gate 1. The NPC's even talked to each other(Without the dialogue box but on the realtime).

How about one of the first quotes of the game, if you insult Minsc while he is in his cage?

Minsc: Don't make me add you ass to the kicking list!

When Minsc decides that you are a good guy.
"We should get you a hamster, or maybe an Ice weasel, depending on your preference."

Ha! I love this game! Anyway, my favs (sorry for repeats if there are any) are

"Needs to find Martha soon. She round Hell somewhere I thinks."
You: What are you going to do?
Spectator/Beholder(I can’t remember): Find the nearest Hive check out the ladies.What about you?
You: The same.
(Anything this guy says is funny as hell!)
Imoen: So Sarevoke now that you have a piece of my soul in you...do you feel any different?
Sarevoke: Well beside an obsession with my clothes and weight, No.
And of course theres Edwin as he is turned into Edwina when he realizes what happens you and the party make fun of him, something along the lines of: “Well yeah Edwin, looks like you got yourself into a muddle this time… by the way, nice rack!” (I couldn’t help myself) Edwina: Yeah, they are nice aren’t they- wait a second. “Looks down pants” AH! Where’d it go?!?!”
LOL, by the way, nice rack! SO GOOD
:D

ToB has a lot of funny dialogue, like Bondari and the Spectator:

Bondari: Uh...I guess we should repay you. Is there anything we could do? (paraphased)
You: A terrible evil has swept across the land and millions of lives hang in balance. You have been chosen, Bondari, and you shall not fail in your quest!
Bondari: A quest! Wow! What do we have to do?
You: A fiendish beholder and its kobold cohorts have infested a cave to the east of here. An evil dragon threatens the land! I must have the beholder's eyestalk to slay the dragon and save the country from certain doom!
Bondari: By Mask's mask! We can't let that happen!
You: Go, noble adventurer, and retrieve the eyestalk. The fate of Tethyr lies in your hands!

And also, what you could say about Bondari and his friends:
"They seem to be rank amateurs."

Hilarious. :D