As the title.

I've seen some pretty serious personaly threads since I first came to these boards and personally I think some these were way to personaly just to post on a message board. I realize this is a 'close' community and some members trust each other and are friends (at least the most one can get out of never seeing each other)

For example the latest thread by Lady Luthien where she explained the reason why she was absent was pretty private and it incurred some strong feelings here. I thought it was inappropriate to share such information.

So how far do you go or think is acceptable.

I think it's really up to the individual as to how much information they want to share. I know how far I'm willing to go, but I'm certainly not going to criticise anyone for going further.

In some respects, the very nature of a forum such as this provides a degree of anonymity that might make some people feel more comfortable sharing information than they would otherwise feel; others, like yourself, might feel that this anonymity is a barrier to such sharing.

To each his/her own, I say.

I don't think it is inappropriate but I don't think anyone here really wants to know about anyone else's personal problems in this forum. I wouldn't say this was a close community at all. Most folks here are very reserved. It would be good know a lot more about each other I think.

What more do you want to know, Sarevok?

I say they can go as far as they want as long that it's not super lewd or breaking forum rules. I don't know what Lady Luthien said or anything but knowing the sensitivity level of some forum users, it probably wasn't all that bad.

In real life, I tend to be reserved to those who don't know me; but very open to those who do. These Boards though give me a chance to say almost anything without having to put up with being judged or anything...because if people say things I don't want to hear, I can always just *not* read their posts.

As some of you must have noticed, I also tend to use the RB thread as a sort of vent for my feelings and daily happenings...

And as for Lady Luthien's thread...I obviously didn't think it went too far, though I can understand how/why some people thought it did.

I'm with Apeman. It's a public message board carved out for information and good natured idle chatter. Assuming anything else is nice, but mostly OTT. It's a playground. Hardly more.

I realize, however, that there are exceptionally many nice people around here, the troll rate is significantly low. That may give some people a sheltered, secure feeling. The internet isn't a sheltered or secure place, though. It is easy to see that many difficulties on this board (and on other boards) arise from comments being taken personally.

If you have found friends on the web, fair enough. But if you are looking for guidance, well, why don't you just pm your questions?

As soon as personal topics and feelings are involved there's an intrinsic imbalance between the original posters expectations and the tone and emphasis of many of the replies, just check out the "empathic link" thread. It's unneccessary to develop hard feelings over this. Better avoid it. Don't place your happiness upon the deeds of others - for what is given may be taken away... ;)

And BTW, if anyone dares calling me unrealistic again, I'll rip his ****ing head off!! :lol:

I disagree apeman - to stick with the example of LL's thread - this was a very serious situation of the kind where support like that on BoM might actually have made a difference.
I've been around for longer than my profile suggests, and I've always find SP to be one of the 'homeliest' places on the net.
If I ever had a serious thing to work out, SP would probably be pretty high up my list of places to go for advice, and I will, provided I actually spot the topic, not hesitate to offer any help I can to another on BoM; that's what's so beautiful about the internet.
:borg:

NB keep in my that English isn't my first language if I misses a few of the subtler undertones in the words.

I find here to be a better place to express than real life. And as for Lady Luthien's thread - it's good to know what's going on. After all, if you're calling that inapropriate, then would not Ex's (or Shralp's or whatevers) post about why he was away be considered inapropriate. Especially after people have being worried. Would it be better if we had never heard of Elementus's death, so that we didn't have to mourn and thus get personal online?

I'm very broad-minded when it comes to content, but everything depends on the form.

I have nothing against personal threads, but I'm short with people who feel so much at ease that they don't have any current need to restrain themselves from acting stupid - as it can be seen easily in the chatroom.

There's always a reason why someone posts personal things and I respect that. Perhaps the person wants some suggestions, advice, or maybe just wants to talk about it or simply feels better letting it out instead of storing it inside.

However, any public venting other than talking about things is something I dislike. I'm tolerant towards swearing, name-calling bad people from real life and such, but not towards shouting on people who have done nothing to deserve it. Same goes for abuse of capital letters or question/exclamation marks in all instances.

Some explicit or overly descriptive details also bug me a lot. For example, "bbiab, need to go [insert colloquial name for defecating of your choice]". Or the technical side of the more inventive part of someone's sexual adventures. Those things are too personal for me, even if I always laugh at a good sexual joke like any other joke.

Also, I consider letting it all out when you have something against a person or a group to be very rude. The more explicit or descriptive the ruder. That sort of thing is better left to PMs and queries, and better still not written at all. People lose lots of respect in my eyes for being unable to control emotions. I distrust them as well.

Apart from all mentioned, I don't mind. Even if I mind, I don't really care in most cases, anyway.

So far as I go, I don't post in public things I wouldn't like to see in Sunday news. That's an important rule. I typically answer all questions asked, but I find it less than polite for strangers to ask without a good reason about things that shouldn't interest them at all and it bugs me a bit.

What really bugs me is when people share lots of personal information and act offended when other people talk back. When someone shares private information in public, he gives up privacy protection in my book and that's a cardinal rule. Remarks like "I wasn't asking for comments" I also find to be very rude as posting any such information makes people read it and so it takes their time. Therefore, those remarks are very disrespectful as they waste people's time and attention focus.

Sorry for the length, but I've been thinking a lot on those things.

[ June 22, 2004, 16:31: Message edited by: chevalier ]

If I ever had a serious thing to work out, SP would probably be pretty high up my list of places to go for advice, and I will, provided I actually spot the topic, not hesitate to offer any help I can to another on BoM; that's what's so beautiful about the internet.
That I don't understand, with something serious in my life I go to my friends/parents/family not (excuse me for saying) a bunch of strangers all over the world where sometimes you don't even know how old they are, what their ideas are etc etc.

Of course some are very familiar with each other but still.

For me BOM is just to post every day topics and sometimes being silly. I'm not going to say for example that my girlfriend put some kind of restraining order on me. Sorry Aldazar I feel sorry for you but It's another example on this topic.

with something serious in my life I go to my friends/parents/familySome people don't have that luxury, unfortunately.

If one happens to be a very solitary or introverted person, one might find the virtual community feeling that Internet offers to be the ideal channel to express themselves.
One might find the relative anonymity of message boards to be conforting (i.e. not having to deal with the issue directly, especially in regards to personal or embarrassing stuff).

Or one might simply enjoy the incredible range of different opinions available, especially here in BoM where people are usually very helpful and respectful of others.

The best thing IMO is that nobody can force their arguments on anyone else, as might be the case in direct one-on-one conversations. As Faerus said, everyone has the choice to not read the stuff that is of no interest to them. Personally, I think opening up with sensitive/personal stuff in these boards takes a lot of courage.

And I think I justbroke the record for most uses of the word "might" in one post :heh:

By many accounts, I go too far. I have stopped posting anything serious. There were many times in the Alley (and in Whatnots before there was an Alley) that I would bring some of my personal experiences up. Mostly the bad ones. I now recognize that doing so was a mistake.

That said, I would not hold it against anyone who did. If someone had something personal they wished to discuss, I would only contribute respectfully, if at all.

Actually I am not so sure. I think people should post more about themselves and about their personal problems whatever. It beats the same old boring crap in the aoda forum.

Well I'm a bit of a solitary man myself. So I like to post personal thing about my love life our how I screw things up in life on this board.

That is as far as I shall go, but I can understand some people want to share things that are even more personal. And I respect them for that. As long as they don't complain about the reactions they got.

I don't bother to tell what happened to me, how I feel with certain things or special days like Fathers Day etc. Why should I be ashamed of stuff like that? I appreciate anyone who dares to tell his/her troubles. I see it as strength, not weakness, when somebody does so. If anyone always complains, though, it makes me sick. I try to give my more sentimental posts an optimistic end.

But I can't stand anyone who's only telling their good sides. Not daring to tell about what's really bothering you is, imo, a weakness. Pretending that everything is okay and that you can manage the world is even worse.

I had serious trouble deciding what to say when certain people left the Boards: I liked to tell them I didn't really mind them leaving. But I didn't, just because it might cause trouble on the boards, so I said nothing. I hate it when people say they will miss someone, just because that person wants to hear that.
If I really care, I'll tell so. If I'd rather see them leaving or if the person just couldn't get my sympathy. I'd say nada. (That doesn't mean that when I say nothing, I didn't like you :) )

[ June 23, 2004, 17:00: Message edited by: Master of Nuhn ]

One question that is maybe a bit offtopic. But what did ever happen with lady LULU? I mean I did follow the post. And then she was back for a short while but didn't hear from hert since then...

Charing emotions is indeed a strenght!

I only get "Personal" if it can somehow be construed as an insult. ;)

The only time I really get personal is if I believe that a life experience I have had will help another work through a hard time they may be having, or at least give them a new insight on how to get through it and still retain a bit of sanity, and let them know that others have been where they are, and many are soon to end up in a similar situation, so they do not feel as though they are the only one who is/has suffered in the situation they are now in.

"In giving to another, you benefit yourself."

@Djief - well said, I was thinking along these lines as well.
Furthermore, it's true that one doesn't Know (mind the capital) most people on an internet forum/chatroom but in SP I've found most people to be fairly friendly and none apparently malevolent.
And besides, since most people are unlikely to (get to) know you in RL, when something does turn bad, you can just shrug and think whatever - their loss.
And how someone would turn to family for advice, that seems most queer from my perspective, although I understand that some would do so, they're pretty much the last people I'd go see about personal advice.
:borg:

Say you have two different sorts of people.

The other one is a successful person with loads of friends, hobbies etc that include other people. He goes out a lot and he trusts and is trusted by people around him.

Then you have someone who is very isolated from the rest of the society. Maybe she was mobbed back in school or something. Whatever the reason, all she really has is her computer and a selected few friends, most of which are rather reserved around other people just like her.

Don't you think the two of these would have a very different way of viewing potential social relationships over the net? For the other one, it would be a mere extension to his normal doings. For the other one, it could well be the only "safe" socializingplace in the world.

Possibilities all, of course. But that's what this is about isn't it? If someone wants for help and support even when you don't, let them. If the information is too personal, then hope it isn't so personal it will end up harming them. But if it just bothers you to read something like that, then don't. And if someone is insulted by the answers they get to their rather personal thread, then hopefully they've learned something both from themselves and from the people around them in the boards.

I've always been the one to wonder about the personal level of these boards to some people. But only recently I realised that although I was quite the social individual as a kid, I haven't made a single new friend in the last 4 years. Not one. And I don't have that many to begin with, even if they are all good friends. Even though that's all only to be expected from what my life has been like during those years (and it's heading for a change now, I hope), I'm starting to feel the effect of the lack of new relationships. Just some new people to talk to. There's nothing wrong if someone wants to find them here.

I have nothing to hide. So I don't really care.

I'm sorry, but could anyone link to the post by Lady Luthien, mentioned by Apeman? I would like to know what triggered this discussion.

http://www.sorcerers.net/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=18;t=000544

Well, when I started my divorce last year, I had a lot of friends trying to help me, but yet it was nice to have the support of the people here -- a lot of people gave me a boost and a listening ear -- people like Death Rabbit, Mathetais, Shell, Rallymama, and many others, they really kept me going, and let me tell you, a few times the medicine cabinet called my name -- maybe some would say that's too much info, but it's the truth and the people here helped me avoid doing something stupid. No words can tell how much I appreciated that.

Having been away from SP for a while I'm getting caught up. Just saw Lady Luthien's post.

I belong to another board and am a mod on a couple of forums. I'm rather suprised at the reaction to her post. I've seen a lot of personal things on this board. On the forums I mod we get involved with each other's problems, too.

I agree with Splunge (and others). As long as it doesn't break forum rules what you post is your business. I don't have to read or respond.

By the way, Tal, I like the new look.

[ July 26, 2004, 00:04: Message edited by: Nakia Nightshadow ]

Sometimes it is easier to talk to a stranger who you probably won't meet. Friends and family are good for talking to and helping you but sometimes it isn't always enough, or you'd feel embaressed to tell them things.

Sometimes I think I go too far and look back and wonder 'Why on Earth did I write that??' but in real life there is no edit button ;)

No Edit button in real life conversations, that is so true. Sometimes I wish there where But I think there is only one action that I would change.. Just one....

I'll share some things privately with people from here, but there's little about my personal life posted on the boards that isn't known to friends and family IRL. Being almost twice as old as most of you and in a different stage of life I sometimes wonder how much interest there is here in issues that the general membership can't relate to. Others may push that envelope but I don't care to.