Several minutes ago, it struck me that SP's long time tradition of discussing human mating customs was in jeopardy. Given that we are in the middle of spring, traditional mating season for humans, I have decided this is a perfect time to start another discussion, and a poll :D

Helpful lecture: http://admin.vmi.edu/ir/dev/deveight.htm

The poll contains two questions for females and two for males. You can choose one answer or none.

In the first question, "your type of love" means exactly your type of love. What it means is up to you. It can be your preferred type, one which happen to you most often, or one that has had the greatest effect on you.

In the poll you have to choose only one answer, but it doesn't mean you have to stick by just one in the discussion.

As far as I am concerned, Consummate Love would be the ideal. Companionate Love is close since passion is less important for me than decision/commitment if any relationship is going to start, and definitely less important than intimacy.

Infatuated Love is something that I normally neither fight nor act on. It typically results in spending more time, friendship being more intimate than it should be, perhaps some half-serious flirting.

Liking comes close. It's quite a reasonable option. No doing stupid things, no making empty promises, but still experiencing something close and in a way intriguing. Sometimes it leads to similar results as Infatuated Love, especially if between friends.

Romantic Love looks to me like all action and no responsibility. However, if things don't go too far, it may have some sense - avoiding promises that no one intends to keep or unproductive speculations. However, it hardly gets along well with intimacy. Anyway, not really my type :toofar:

Fatuous Love used to be my curse. Overestimating the level of intimacy and creating commitment without base. The good thing is that I'm always able to shake it off and the bad thing is that I don't always want to. It really feels asinine, especially after some time :heh:

Empty Love is something that I don't understand. Commitment without passion or intimacy. I suppose it comes down to problems with accepting the reality. It's also the most damaging one. I've managed to avoid it, thankfully. However, there's one think I like in it: the focus on commitment. Still, it's a twisted commitment.

Non-love would be what? No commitment, so no getting tied down. No passion so no fire, no intimacy so no closeness... then what? Perhaps bed-mates fall in this category. I've tried, but I can't go any far without all three.

As for the most important factor, I think it's

#1 Dependable Character

This is because of my fixation on loyalty. Of course, I expect loyalty to principles to go before loyalty to me. Stand up when I'm wrong etc.

#2 Refinement/Neatness

Upbringing thing.

#3 Pleasing Disposition

Being a good person and kind to others. Together with #2, it's mostly a question of manners, but here it also includes some generic kindness.

#4 Emotional Stability and Maturity

Dependability and common sense. Knowing one's place and having the same measure for oneself as for other people. Basic honesty and decency, I would say. Fluctuating mood doesn't pose a problem so long as it doesn't influence long-term decisions. There's also a limit to doing out-of-character things. Consistency is very important. Persistence is too. "The show must go on".

#5 Education and Intelligence

Quick and sharp wit, knowledge, abundance of topics to talk about. The ability to fancy various different points of view, even simultaneously. Logic. Being able to provide competent resistance in debate. Proper language (this point #5 Education & Intelligence together with #2, Refinement) is very important for me. Swearing is OK, so long as there are no mistakes. Slang use is OK if it's saucy phrases and not just poor language or making up words.

#6 Good Looks.

It's only this low on the list because most of what interests me in looks is already covered by #2, Refinement. Good Looks are very, very important. However, Pam Anderson isn't an example of good looks. Nimbleness is important and dancing skill is welcome. Constitution for practical reasons, as walking 30 km through dunes in sandstorm is apparently my idea of romantic walk.

Similar Religion isn't included. People sharing one religion can have different principles and vice versa. What you really adhere to is much more important than what you say you adhere to.

Uff, this has been long. Now you speak, people.

[ May 08, 2004, 23:59: Message edited by: chevalier ]

Poll Information
This poll contains 4 question(s). 49 user(s) have voted.
You may not view the results of this poll without voting.

Poll Results: Another discussion of human mating customs (49 votes.)

Choose "your type" of love if you are female (Choose 1)
* Non-love. No intimacy, passion nor decision/commitment. - 2% (1)
* Liking. High intimacy, no passion, no decision/commitment. - 0% (0)
* Infatuated love. High passion, no intimacy, no decision/commitment. - 0% (0)
* Empty love. High decision/commitment, no passion, no intimacy. - 0% (0)
* Romantic love. High intimacy and passion, no decision/commitment. - 4% (2)
* Companionate love. High intimacy and decision/commitment, no passion. - 2% (1)
* Fatuous love. High passion and decision/commitment, no intimacy. - 0% (0)
* Consummate love. High passion, decision/commitment and intimacy. - 10% (5)
* I am not female or I prefer not to vote. - 82% (40)

Choose "your type" of love if you are male (Choose 1)
* Non-love. No intimacy, passion nor decision/commitment. - 4% (2)
* Liking. High intimacy, no passion, no decision/commitment. - 8% (4)
* Infatuated love. High passion, no intimacy, no decision/commitment. - 0% (0)
* Empty love. High decision/commitment, no passion, no intimacy. - 0% (0)
* Romantic love. High intimacy and passion, no decision/commitment. - 18% (9)
* Companionate love. High intimacy and decision/commitment, no passion. - 8% (4)
* Fatuous love. High passion and decision/commitment, no intimacy. - 2% (1)
* Consummate love. High passion, decision/commitment and intimacy. - 41% (20)
* I am not male or I prefer not to vote. - 18% (9)

Select the most important quality in a potential partner if you are female (Choose 1)
* Mutual Attraction/Love - 10% (5)
* Emotional Stability and Maturity - 4% (2)
* Dependable Character - 2% (1)
* Pleasing Disposition - 2% (1)
* Education and Intelligence - 0% (0)
* Desire for Home and Children - 0% (0)
* Ambition and Industriousness - 0% (0)
* Sociability - 0% (0)
* Good Health - 0% (0)
* Good Financial Prospects - 2% (1)
* Refinement/Neatness - 0% (0)
* Similar Education - 0% (0)
* Favourable Social Status - 0% (0)
* Good Looks - 0% (0)
* Good Cook/Housekeeper - 0% (0)
* Similar Religious Background - 0% (0)
* Similar Political Background - 0% (0)
* Chastity (no prior sex) - 0% (0)
* I am not female or I prefer not to vote. - 80% (39)

Select the most important quality in a potential partner if you are male (Choose 1)
* Mutual Attraction/Love - 41% (20)
* Emotional Stability and Maturity - 2% (1)
* Dependable Character - 6% (3)
* Pleasing Disposition - 2% (1)
* Education and Intelligence - 10% (5)
* Desire for Home and Children - 4% (2)
* Ambition and Industriousness - 0% (0)
* Sociability - 0% (0)
* Good Health - 0% (0)
* Good Financial Prospects - 0% (0)
* Refinement/Neatness - 2% (1)
* Similar Education - 0% (0)
* Favorable Social Status - 0% (0)
* Good Looks - 8% (4)
* Good Cook/Housekeeper - 0% (0)
* Similar Religious Background - 2% (1)
* Similar Political Background - 0% (0)
* Chastity (no prior sex) - 4% (2)
* I am not male or I prefer not to vote. - 18% (9)

Straaaange Poll....


I like the reason for you putting it up though... ¬_¬ Should be interesting thats for sure.

Id say that guys will go for girls with better looks, and more skindeep qualities as opposed to the longer term, wiser quality, and not really go for commitment... (Though personally i am the opposite)


Wont be a good poll less more women get voting though, only one so far.

I've always been into the reverse Yin-Yang type of relationships. I want someone who is very much different from me in personality and hobbies/likes but with the same moral code. This often results in us complementing each other and balancing out each other's extremes (I'm a very logical person by nature, I don't let emotions drive me yet I would want my spouse to be a very emotional person).

Good looks are a requirement because I'm entilted to it. I want a spouse to be attractive to me in both looks and personality. Why settle for just one?

Just a strange thought: where is "unconditional love" in this poll?

I understand that's not something necessary for a summertime romance (a little fling, then we're both just friends again), but if something like consummate love is going to be an option, then I think that the concept of loving an individual of who he or she should be put in as well.

I opted not to vote for anything, since I was just interested in seeing the results.

I am

1) Companionate Love
2) Mutual Attraction/Love

These are most important because a) Passion is not a requirment. I don't really want to be emotionally vulnerable, and b) Emotional Stability is not a requirment, because I myself am not so :rolleyes: . All that other stuff like Financials is petty bull****. Although I should say I need Intelligence and artistic knowledge. Education is not a requirement, although I'm not sure what you mean by education. Knowledge and life expierience are paramount.

It's actually kinda hard for me to give a good answer to this one because every time I think I've found someone I can settle down with, things go okay for about a year until I get bored. Ideally though, I want someone who is attractive to ME, not necessarily to others (though that would be a bonus) and someone who has a bit of intelligence and grace about them. Definitely not someone with tickets on themselves.

Why you are attracted to someone is hard to answer. Don't know if I have ever really been in love yet. Dependable Character is something I like in a man. But sometimes I have dated guys who were not that dependable. I think the first thing I notice is personality. Can he make me laugh and can I be me around him or do I have to fit his mold. I haven't had much luck with guys wanting an independent girlfriend who isn't clingy. I cant be a guys mom and his girlfriend. Someday I might be domestic but right now I want success and a career. I also have never been treated like an equal. I think a good releationship needs to be built on trust and be a partnership. Well guys....I've rambled enough but if I had all the answers then life would be kind of boring dont you think! ;)

Seems that, between the gents of SP, mutual attraction is the most important one, followed by intelligence. Very different from the overall standards of the population. The ladies of SP, though, keep in line with the rest of the society.

A year ago, I would not have answered the way that I did today. But, hey...life changes you in some small way almost every day, eh?

I am Romantic love and Mutual Attraction/Love.

I have loved someone and not had the passion/desire necissary for a relationship last and in the long run it wasn't enough. Love wasn't enough. I am one of those types of individuals who are extremely passionate and if it isn't in my relationship, then the relationship isn't worth having. I will always long for more and if my spouse isn't just as passionate as I am....it just won't work.

And I have been total emmersed in passion/desire with someone else whom I didn't love. We got torn apart before we could find out if love would ever come into play for us.

I think Romantic love/Mutual attraction is an excelent combination.....and if you play your cards right....you could end up falling in love.

LIFE ISN'T WORTH LIVING WITHOUT PASSION!

(of any sort...why bother if you aren't passionate about it....it will always be just mediocre)