Barmy Army
Mon, 12th Jul '04, 11:58pm
Sorry if you have seen these before! Just a collection of jokes I have heard over th last few weeks. Don't let it be said we are bad losers! :D
Q: Why aren't the England football team allowed to own a dog?
A: Because they can't hold on to a lead.
Q: What's the difference between the England team and a tea-bag?
A: The tea-bag stays in the cup longer.
Oxo were going to bring out a Euro 2004 Commemorative cube painted red,
white and blue in honour of the England squad.
But it was a laughing stock and crumbled in the box.
Q: What is common between between a 3 pin plug and the England footbal
team?
A: They are both useless in Europe!
Q: What's the difference between O J Simpson and England?
A: OJ Simpson had a more credible defence
Rumours that David Beckham was seen successfully seducing a young woman in a Spanish nightclub with a one-liner have been completely refuted by
the English FA. Adam Crozier, chief publicity officer stated:
"I find it
totally preposterous to suggest that one of our players could make a
successful pass to or at anyone."
Four surgeons are taking a coffee break.
The first one says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when
you open them up everything inside them is numbered." The second surgeon
says, "Nah, librarians are the best; everything inside them is in
alphabetical order." Third surgeon says, "Try electricians. Everything
inside them is colour-coded." The fourth one says, "I prefer English International football players. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and arses are interchangeable."
Did you hear about the UK politician who was found dead in an English football jersey?
The police had to dress him up in women's underwear in order to save his family from the embarrassment.
Did you hear that the UK Post Office has had to recall their latest stamps with pictures of English football players on them.
People couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
Q. What do you have when the England football team are buried up to their necks in sand?
A. Not enough sand.
Q: Why aren't the England football team allowed to own a dog?
A: Because they can't hold on to a lead.
Q: What's the difference between the England team and a tea-bag?
A: The tea-bag stays in the cup longer.
Oxo were going to bring out a Euro 2004 Commemorative cube painted red,
white and blue in honour of the England squad.
But it was a laughing stock and crumbled in the box.
Q: What is common between between a 3 pin plug and the England footbal
team?
A: They are both useless in Europe!
Q: What's the difference between O J Simpson and England?
A: OJ Simpson had a more credible defence
Rumours that David Beckham was seen successfully seducing a young woman in a Spanish nightclub with a one-liner have been completely refuted by
the English FA. Adam Crozier, chief publicity officer stated:
"I find it
totally preposterous to suggest that one of our players could make a
successful pass to or at anyone."
Four surgeons are taking a coffee break.
The first one says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when
you open them up everything inside them is numbered." The second surgeon
says, "Nah, librarians are the best; everything inside them is in
alphabetical order." Third surgeon says, "Try electricians. Everything
inside them is colour-coded." The fourth one says, "I prefer English International football players. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and arses are interchangeable."
Did you hear about the UK politician who was found dead in an English football jersey?
The police had to dress him up in women's underwear in order to save his family from the embarrassment.
Did you hear that the UK Post Office has had to recall their latest stamps with pictures of English football players on them.
People couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
Q. What do you have when the England football team are buried up to their necks in sand?
A. Not enough sand.