View Full Version : A question or two for the ladies...
Tue, 20th Jul '04, 6:51am
...though I guess the guys can voice their opinion as well if they like.
I was just wondering if I could get mainly some female opinions on a couple of situations, as I'm all but useless around females I don't know unless friends are around.
The first situation: pretty simple, I've seen a young woman around town who looks quite familiar to me but I don't want to approach her and just blurt out "have we met?" and risk having it sound like I'm hitting on her. Mainly because she has had a baby with her each time I've seen her so AFAIK there is a significant other in the picture. Is there a way I can ask this question in order to ease my curiosity without it seeming like I'm trying to pick her up?
The second situation: There's a young woman working at the convenience store near my home (age unknown, probably early 20's at the oldest) who always seems to brighten up when I walk in (though of course, that may be my imagination and most likely is). Is there a safe way for me to find out if it IS just my imagination withough risking embarrasment on her behalf or my behalf?
Tue, 20th Jul '04, 8:11am
For the first situation, do you remember the name of the girl you think she is? If so, you can walk up and say "pardon me, but is your name _____? That makes it clear that you intentions are to identify if you already know her.
As for the second situation, that's what small talk is for. You can get around to things like hobbies and pastimes to find out if you have a common interest. Then perhaps you could propose an outing based on a common interest. If she accepts, then she's likely interested. If she hedges about, then probably not. At that point you can drop the idea without embarrasment.
Tue, 20th Jul '04, 3:39pm
For the first one:
If you just want to ask if you haven't met or something... well, go ahead. This will require some "Please don't get me wrong, but I think we have met." or something like that. However, if you don't intend to pick her up, maybe you'd better give up on it and spare both her and yourself an embarrassing moment?
As for the second one, here's how I do it:
Smile. Smile when you're walking by, smile when she's looking at you, smile when you talk to her. You probably want to smile anyway, so don't restrain yourself. After some time of such mutual smiling, she will probably approach you or make it apparent that she wants you to approach her. It will work like charm if you don't shy away at any point. But don't act macho, either ;) The trick is to be confident in approaching her but not so confident as to look as if you believed she were about to throw herself at your feet. And you'll be set. It takes a strong man not to be afraid to show weakness and women know that. It's part of charm to be a little shy etc, which means natural. After all, acting makes you focus on yourself instead of her and that's bad.
If you slip a compliment or two about how lovely she looks in that dress or something, she will get the hint you aren't just in for friendly chatter.
Try asking her out after some time. "Will you... with me...?" is better replaced with "Shall we...?". "How about we...?" is, however, a bad idea. Direct but not overly so.
If she doesn't agree for whatever reason, don't ask her if a different time or kind of activity would suit her better. If she's really interested she will come up with something. If she's really interested but shy, she probably won't come up with anything, but will agree readily the next time you ask in order not to blow her chances of getting to know a nice guy. If she refuses, there's still some possibility the excuses are real, even if they sound like a typical sweet dumping line. In that case, however, she will most likely try to come up with something, so there's no use at all insisting. They like persisting men, but they hate insisting men.
Been there, done that. I only screw up at later stages. What works for me doesn't have to work for you, however, so don't expect miracles, but it most probably will work fine.
Wed, 21st Jul '04, 5:37am
Small talk has already begun, just a couple of examples here, and feel free to gag if you feel the need.
The first time we actually spoke, she had been in the coolroom and came rushing out to serve as the other girl was also busy, she made some comment about having been eating chocolate and it felt like some was in her teeth so I replied: "If there is any, I can't see it" followed by a "thanks" and a smile in reply.
A couple of days later when she was working again, I made a throaway comment about eating any more chocolate so she held up a mini KitKat for me to see.
Another example: she asked me if I'd been at one of 2 particular spots the day before, I told her I'd been at the second and she said she thought she'd seen me there. So I said it's a bit hard to miss me in my big black greatcoat.
The latest example: I went to the shop last night and she commented on the fact that I wasn't wearing my greatcoat.
Anyway, like I said feel free to gag.
Dark Haired Beauty
Wed, 21st Jul '04, 6:20am
Not bad Aldazar, better than the smalltalk I get at work. :thumb:
Advice:Be yourself and be honest.
[ July 21, 2004, 13:23: Message edited by: Dark Haired Beauty ]
Wed, 21st Jul '04, 8:01am
Aldazar, with the first lady just approach her in an indirect way and just tell her that you are sorry to bother her but that she looks familiar and your curiosity always gets the best of you. If you are friendly and chat with her like you would with a friendly stranger at a bus-stop then she probably won't think you are hitting on her.
With the second girl just treat her like a friend and don't move too fast unless it is really the right moment. It sounds like she already likes you as a potential friend and maybe more. Try brushing your hand "accidently" against her hand. If she doesn't pull away or look edgy then she probably is interested. If she does look uncomfortable you can always apologize for being clumsy.
Wed, 21st Jul '04, 1:25pm
@Aldazar: It goes in the right direction :)
Still doesn't mean she isn't only in for friendship. The best way to use Dragonfly's suggestion is on dance floor when slow-dancing. As the situation warrants, you can try various things like holding her closer, moving your palm a little on her back... well, a little stroking even goes, but you should really know the moment is right for that. Then you check her reaction. If she neither bites your limbs off nor runs away, she likes you. Possibly more. If she reciprocates, most probably more (though not necessarily so).
You could try the hands trick when walking beside her if you two go out somewhere. It's very proper to hold her when she falters, trips on something or similar. It's normal to touch her arm when you're indicating the direction in which to go (yeah, the strong man that shows and clears the way for her, and still so mild and wonderfully protective etc etc). If she starts complaining about it or something, it means she's over-sensitive and prepared for you hitting on her, which probably means she has a wrong picture of the caring and sensitive guy that you are ;) Eh, and probably it means she isn't supportive of the idea. At least not yet. If she neither reacts anyhow nor looks uncomfortable with what you've just done, it's fine. If she's really attracted, she will probably try and do the same to you.
As sort of a joke, you can give her you arm. Girls typically like it, but guys rarely think about it. Go ahead and take the risk or pray it's raining and only you of the two have an umbrella ;)
I wouldn't try the Classic Outflanking Maneuver (as you start walking in from behind her, you place a hand on her hip or waist and when you finish walking in, you have her outflanked) yet, as it's too early for any such moves and it could blow your chances. However, if the situation warrants it, it's very powerful. When you feel absolutely confident that you will get away with it, you may try it. If she leans against you or whatever such, you're set. But I'd rather wait a bit with this one - only not for long, it's still in the realm of Engaging Maneuvers. Doesn't work on privacy freaks or several most aggressive breeds of feminazi (OK, it works sometimes even on those, but you need to take a couple of CHA checks against a big DC).
Note: in all situations, even if she clings to you, it still doesn't always mean she's attracted "this way". You'll have to sense it or take a guess. Or likely both partly.
[ July 21, 2004, 12:40: Message edited by: chevalier ]
Wed, 21st Jul '04, 4:10pm
(though of course, that may be my imagination and most likely is)If you think it is, then it is. In both cases, don't bother, as neither of them is worth it. They approach you if they have something to say, end of business. ;)
Wed, 21st Jul '04, 5:15pm
In both cases, don't bother, as neither of them is worth it. They approach you if they have something to say, end of business.Yeah, that's a great approach, wait for her to come up and, "make a move!" I'm sure you'll get far with that.
What's so bad about walking up and talking to someone?
Fear of getting rejected? Oh no!
I know, "What if you get rejected?"
Well that certainly would be a *terrible* thing.
What if you *don't* get rejected?
Well you certainly won't find out, asking strangers about it on the internet, and certainly not if you listen to Wirhe.
Wed, 21st Jul '04, 5:27pm
Like you knew any better. I was simply saying that it is not worth it, and here you are; all planning how to "hit" her. :rolleyes:
Funny, in fact, if you read this all through carefully. :shake:
Master of Nuhn
Wed, 21st Jul '04, 8:53pm
I agree with ArtEChoke that standing about and doing nothing is usually not a very good thing to do. I tried this tactic for almost 24 years now (I'm 24) and it never worked out the way I liked it. :grin:
If you'd really like to know if you've met her, then why wouldn't you ask? Because people might think you got a crush on her? Let them think and they thought wrong. Do not care too much for what people think of you.
Other point: If you'd really met her, why doesn't she ask you? And so if she doesn't ask you, she'd probably not remember and so you wouldn't want her to ask anyway.
I am confusing myself. Can anybody explain me to me? :p
Wed, 21st Jul '04, 8:56pm
First situation: Go and ask her like Dragonfly suggested. That way there should be no misunderstandings.
Second situation: Like Chev said, it goes in the right direction. She seems to recognize you, recognize things about you (greatcoat), like to talk to you and smiles at you instead of frowning at you and ignoring you. Just go on from there, asking her a few questions and see how it goes. Follow up on what you know from her so far, like the places she has been (where she suspected seeing you). What did she do there, is she interested in... etc.
Thu, 22nd Jul '04, 3:50am
I agree with ArtEChoke that standing about and doing nothing is usually not a very good thing to do. I tried this tactic for almost 24 years now (I'm 24) and it never worked out the way I liked it.You misunderstand me; I'm not saying he shouldn't do anything as much as I'm pointing out that pursuing relationships is vain. Sure, if she looks interesting, go ahead and talk to her -she will not be doing anything from her own half-, but in the end you will most likely just end up being that "strange fellow who asked something I can't remember."
So just get to the nearest bar, hook someone, and forget all about her in the morning. ;)
Thu, 22nd Jul '04, 2:15pm
Tssk Tssk Wirhe - a cynical person thou artst indeed. :biggrin:
Seriously though, such negativity may prevent bruises to heart and/or ego, but it's not going to get you anywhere either.
@Aldazar: You seem to be doing fine - just beware appearing pushy, I'd say that women will sooner want a pushy man away than a shy man...
Not that I have any knowledge in this field, for that matter. :shake:
Thu, 22nd Jul '04, 3:42pm
Seriously though, such negativity may prevent bruises to heart and/or ego, but it's not going to get you anywhere either.Depends of what you see as "going somewhere." Career first, nagging women second. ;)
Thu, 22nd Jul '04, 6:41pm
Am I the only one who is feeling this strange "women are objects" vibe from Wirhe? :eek:
Dark Haired Beauty
Thu, 22nd Jul '04, 7:35pm
Ok, must find out what bar Wirhe goes to, then as he says, "hook him" then proceed to nag him to death. :lol:
Thu, 22nd Jul '04, 8:58pm
I didn't say that. :nono: Even though it would be nice if there were some shops where you could buy them from shelf... :p
You can try that -I'm pretty nag-resistant though, so it might go like "swoosh" -right over the head. ;)
Sooo... how 'bout we stop questioning my preferences and returned to the general "How to Hit a Woman" -line? Of course, my PM is open for all marriage-proposals and group-orgy invitations. :spin:
[ July 22, 2004, 20:23: Message edited by: Wirhe ]
Fri, 23rd Jul '04, 1:02am
Am I the only one who is feeling this strange "women are objects" vibe from Wirhe?No, quite contrary. What he says is that pursuing relationships is vain, which is true, and that important concerns such as one's education and work are more important that bothering women. Essentially: fooling around is a bad bargain and the time could be spent better. That's reasonable.
Fri, 23rd Jul '04, 5:23am
@Wirrhe: you missed a word, it's not about "How to hit a woman", I've already been falsely accused of that, it's about "How to hit ON a woman". Other than that, I do tend to agree with you completely on relationships being a waste of time, particularly when my self-esteem is low. But then, that's most of the time, I have horrible self-esteem.
Anyway, thanks everyone for you suggestions, this is actually turning into quite a discussion, keep 'em coming too. There is a good chance though that I'm seen as nothing more than another customer (which I'm fine with I guess because at least it's ONE woman showing some interest in me) but I'm gonna keep working at it as I have thus far. It would be good though if it ends up being a bit more than that.
Fri, 23rd Jul '04, 3:49pm
It would be good though if it ends up being a bit more than that.It won't -trust me. She will never dare to approach you, and if you approach her, she will retreat to her shell. So it's better for all if you don't even bother and let THEM do the dirty work. :grin:
Oh, yeah; sorry about the typo -didn't mean to tell about that (I love it spanky :p ).
Fri, 23rd Jul '04, 4:37pm
If you let the women do the dirty work chances are that it will never ever be done. I am more or less of the same inclination as you Wirhe and am loath to take any first steps for various reasons. Waiting for the woman to take any step at all is doomed to failure in all but very few cases. Women are just too damn lazy and expect men to bend backwards in their efforts to please and impress them while the lady in question will not lift even a finger in response.
Fri, 23rd Jul '04, 7:00pm
Then people wonder why the divorce-rates are so high... :rolleyes:
*Sigh* It's so much easier when all you want is sex. :D
Dark Haired Beauty
Fri, 23rd Jul '04, 7:39pm
Sounds to me like some of you guys yearn for the good ole days when men just clubbed a woman on the head and drug her back to the cave. :bang:
Fri, 23rd Jul '04, 7:48pm
@Joacquin: well, isn't that what the entire 'Hitting ON a woman' thing is all about...
Besides, old-fashioned narf that I am, I'd say that that's exactly the way it should be done - although things would be easier if the woman in question was somewhat clear with her responses.
Then again, never underestimate the powers of the good old flowers, box of chocolates and a friendly smile approach. - worst case being making a bit of a fool of yourself and wasting some time, but it has a good success ratio, and at least yields clear results.
(look at me rambling on - like I have a clue what I'm talking about :grin: )
Fri, 23rd Jul '04, 8:08pm
DHB, actually, I yearn for the truly good ole days when the woman clubbed the man she wanted and dragged him to her cave. Ah, that would be so sweet.
Fri, 23rd Jul '04, 8:41pm
@DHB: No, that's not like it. The words are harsh, but the message is sound.
It's true that women typically expect men to do the whole work and believe that their only task is to become sufficiently impressed at some point, while men's task is to keep them sufficiently impressed and make sure they don't get too bored too often.
There are exceptions, but they're just it: exceptions.
The chief reason why I keep being single is that I expect the lady to be interested in putting some effort in it like I am. Perhaps I don't have a God's mortal angel by my side, but I've been free from meaningless relationships and that's a good bargain.
Sat, 24th Jul '04, 1:42am
Sounds to me like some of you guys yearn for the good ole days when men just clubbed a woman on the head and drug her back to the cave.Ah, those days were glorious. How I miss them... Having a harem and no need to bother when and where to have all sex you ever need... *Sniff*
/Wants them back... with a bigger club this time. :sosad:
THIS (http://www.maddox.xmission.com/26_things.html) seems to be what we should be willing to do. :p I think I will stick with the 'answer' -side. :D
Sat, 24th Jul '04, 3:03am
Aw c'mon wirhe - don't you think that THAT is stretching it a bit...
The guy who made this website really seems to having to some issues...
Well judging by the smilies I'll presume your kidding -and good heavens - I'll HOPE that your kidding.
Sat, 24th Jul '04, 9:51am
This data comes from a divorced guy, so take it with a grain of salt and all that, but really, it's not that hard, and if you get shot down, guess what? The sun still rised in the east the next morning, your morning shower and coffee are just as good, and despite the feeling that all women have a radar inside that tells them "he got shot down last month", they don't, not any more than we do. And although my marriage is gone, I have to say, the good times make it worth taking the shot. Women are amazing creatures -- I'd hate to live without them, even if some have hacked off my dignity and fed it to the wolves.
Sun, 25th Jul '04, 8:36pm
I agree that both the man and the woman should put some effort in a relationship. Both have to make feel one another special. And I for one at least try to do so.
I totally understand your frustrations about women not being clear about their feelings, but I find men to be equally as vague in this respect.
Sun, 25th Jul '04, 9:14pm
I'll presume your kidding -and good heavens - I'll HOPE that your kidding.Actually, I agree with several points Maddox brought up -especially the one about dancing. But don't take it too seriously, or someone will need to give you CPR. :D
Sun, 25th Jul '04, 9:59pm
but I find men to be equally as vague in this respect.Well, if he's being vague all he wants is sex and would rather keep you guessing than admit it.
Then again, why should men show their feelings when women don't even appear interested? Revealing your feelings is taking a huge risk and most people like to know that there is at least 'some' chance of success. If females showed an interest then guys would reveal their feelings.
Then again if you want your cake you have to eat it to. If you want guys to do the 'masculine' thing such as taking the chance of actually approaching the girl and showing their 'intent' then isn't it reasonable for women to be expected to do the 'feminine' thing and reveal their feelings first?
In this day and age with equality between the sexes you would expect women and men to play equal roles in the starting of relationships. Sadly men are still the primary risk takers. They're the ones getting burned for revealing their feelings. And you wonder why they don't keep taking that risk.
Mon, 26th Jul '04, 12:00am
No, I understand why they don't keep taking that risk, for the same reason that I'm hesitant to take that risk: got rejected and that hurt (though everything turned out pretty good later).
What I mean is that sometimes when a girl is interested in a guy that doesn't show his feelings, she feels the same way, and hates being the one that has to take the risk to tell him how she feels.
And I meant vague as in "you cant make out of his actions whether he likes you or not", not as in, "I may love you, but I'm not quite sure, maybe sex can convince me."
You must have encountered quite some b*tchy ladies. Over here it's not so unusual for a girl to set the first step, and if she doesn't do that, she at least makes it obvious for the guy that he won't get rejected.
oh and equality rules! :D
Mon, 26th Jul '04, 12:46am
Aldazar, since you originally addressed this to the females but got mostly male answers I have to put my two cents in.
1st) Just tell her she looks familiar (if you don't remember her name).
2nd) Women learn at an early age not to be forward with men. Add in the fear factor of being rejected and it is hard for most of us to approach a man. So keep on doing what you have been doing and as time progress add in a few questions slowly getting a little more personal. If she is interested she'll give you more information then you asked for. Good luck, you sound like a nice guy.
Mon, 26th Jul '04, 2:00am
Yes, I can certify, men are vague as well when it comes to it. All too often I've seen grown men change their views in the matter over a couple of days, overnight, or even a couple of times in a single conversation (conversations with me are special, it's something like good old Socrates with CIA training, so things like that occur).
I know the "to which one am I attracted more" or "am I really attracted to this girl" problem. Heck, I know them all too well. However, I don't lie. That's where I differ.
The world would be simpler if people were honest with one another.
[ July 26, 2004, 01:31: Message edited by: chevalier ]
Mon, 26th Jul '04, 2:29am
The world would be simpler if people were honest with one another.But then people would start wondering if you treat women like objects or think you are a bit cynical. :shake:
"I may love you, but I'm not quite sure, maybe sex can convince me."No, it does not go like that. :nono:
"I have all the love you need, baby; wanna piece of it tonight?":p
Mon, 26th Jul '04, 2:58am
Bah, a world where all people were honest would be awfully dull, and used car salesmen could no longer make a living...
Which reminds me of the movie 'liar liar' which is great fun, albeit loaded with cliché's
Mon, 26th Jul '04, 6:06am
Well, for the link posted by Wirhe, I've actually done a variation of number 11: 'react so cutely when you hit him and it actually hurts' but without any reaction at all - even when one girl (on a dare ind you, not out of any real malice) extinguised a cigarette in the middle of my forehead. I've also actually given plenty of massages before, usually as a preliminary move prior to 'making out'
And, I've been 'in the doghouse' may times for not doing numbers 1, 3, 5, 6, 7, 10 & 14.
I certainly agree with Lord Keldin Depaara in that women are amazing creatures and am still waiting for the day that I find one that considers me as amazing as I consider her, but it's damn hard. not that every woman I meet is expected to be phenomenal, I'm fine with having female friends who are nothing more than that even if we try a relationship and it doesn't quite work.
I try to be a nice guy as much as possible but it's hard when you've got it ingrained from various sources that you'll never be anything much.
Anyway, enough whinging, the main problem is fear of rejection brought on by past rejections and unexplained relationship failures. It would be so much easier if the people involved in a relationship break-down were able to calmly explain to each other why it went pear-shaped.
But in the meantime, I'm still going to keep it going the way it has been. Oh yeah, another question. Usually I'm pretty good at quick responses to comments but on the occasion when she said she thought she'd seen me in a particular place it actually took me a couple of days to think up a response (and it's a pretty good one IMO) but I was wondering if it sounds at all bad - "Next time you see me somewhere else, come up and say hi". Is that something that could be hazardous to the interaction?
Mon, 26th Jul '04, 10:32am
Often late responses (a day later) can be a good conversation starter or resumer that'll put you on easier conversation footing.
Simply sart with "You said something to me yesterday about <bla bla bla> and I replied <bla bla bla>. I realise that wasn't a true and accurate response, what I meant to say was <more interesting bla bla bla>. I was a bit unsure at first, talking to beautiful women seems to do that to me (or any other type of compliment you want to throw in)." and you're off. :)
Mon, 26th Jul '04, 3:10pm
That's a good answer, Aldazar. It's a good thing to think about answers after some time - even if it's too late for that particular, it's still an exercise and will help you come up with replies on the spot if need be.
It isn't hazardous. In fact, you could change the "say hi" to "smile"... though perhaps throwing in something about having a little talk and/or a cup of coffee might be too risky - it all depends on the girl, though.
If she said "saw", you could reply "did you like what you saw?", of course with a smile. If she goes like "hey...", you retort "I knew that" after which she blushes all red and hits you :lol: And you can always claim it was a joke if it fails totally. This is called Han Solo approach :D
Perhaps "Hey, that wasn't fair. Next time I want a look too" /grin/. Sounds quite daring, but in fact most single young girls would feel appreciated, or even flattered.
Another joking line could be "you could at least have smiled and made my day brighter", but if you say that too seriously (unless it's so serious it's obvious it's a joke), you're dead and buried. Same for "I feel so important. God sends angels to watch me." :lol: :good: They're cheesy but they work when done right. Humour is key here ;)
Tue, 27th Jul '04, 5:48am
That last does sound very cheesy, but if there's a good chance it'll at least flatter her, I'll keep it in reserve. I just don't want to blow things, and if I'd been quick enough at the time to have said what I only thought of after, that would heave been cool because it probably would have moved things along atraight away. Oh well, :doh:
Tue, 27th Jul '04, 10:17am
If you worry about 'blowing things' often you don't even get a chance. If she's single, strike while the iron is hot, don't fall into the 'friend' stage.
Tue, 27th Jul '04, 1:49pm
It's good to get the friendship going as well, but you must make it easily visible you aren't going to be just a friend.
Cheesy lines are only good with a cheesy smile in a cheesy moment. Then they work great. Normally, they aren't your best choice.
The 26 point list made me feel really sorry for the poor woman who wrote it. She really needs medical aid, if the condition is at all curable. I remain in doubt as to the latter. Perhaps she just needs to grow up finally.
Tue, 27th Jul '04, 3:46pm
Or understand that the "door swings to both ways", like certain someone said. Sadly, it's all too true... Just check THIS (http://www.awff.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=3654&b=1&st=&p=&#entry) thread for examples... (AWFF Forum, full of kids, so don't bother skulking there longer than you have to ;) )
There are other means of telling you are interested, rather than going after it with a hammer in hand. I think it's better just give a look to her, and if she doesn't grasp it, why bother being ridicilously obvious when she isn't even interested? :rolleyes:
"Oh, hi! I just met you and I think I want to see you a lot more! Is that okay with you?" And every woman borns as a ball-buster... :xx:
Myself, I would look forward to speaking with her and make it clear that talking with her is interesting, if I were at the opposite side of the table. But whatever; each to their own. I still say it's waste of time.
[ July 27, 2004, 15:51: Message edited by: Wirhe ]
Wed, 28th Jul '04, 3:58am
I'm not saying not to show restraint. I'm saying not to worry about screwing up. Because if you do you simply won't take any risks. If you don't take a risk... well... "Nothing ventured - nothing gained".
Wed, 28th Jul '04, 5:48am
The thing I still find kinda funny though is that I don't even know her name yet! I know the ame of the other girl she works with (Jess) because I've heard other people call to her, but not yet found out this girl's name.
Strange thing too is that a few years ago I probably wouldn't have given this girl a second look, I'd most likely have paid more attention to 'Jess' with because she's more like what stereotypes tell us is more physically attractive. On the other hand, Girl X (for want of a better term) seems infinitely more friendly and has that certain something that makes her in fact more attractive. I guess it's a sign that I'm finally 'growing up'.
OMG! Does this mean that puberty will set in soon?? ;) :eek:
Dark Haired Beauty
Wed, 28th Jul '04, 6:48am
"Looks are fleeting, love is eternal"
Sounds to me your on the right track :thumb:
Wed, 28th Jul '04, 2:43pm
I know the ame of the other girl she works with (Jess) because I've heard other people call to her, but not yet found out this girl's name.If you tell her your name, politeness will require her to tell you hers. Even if you know that she already knows your name but not from you, it's better to tell her your name this way than to ask her name directly.
On the other hand, Girl X (for want of a better term) seems infinitely more friendly and has that certain something that makes her in fact more attractive. I guess it's a sign that I'm finally 'growing up'.Well, looks are one thing. But sometimes... sometimes you feel sparks in the air when you share the lift with someone you see for the first time. Or something's messing your insides when someone's passing you by. That's the chemistry :D
Wed, 28th Jul '04, 9:18pm
If you tell her your name, politeness will require her to tell you hers.As far as I know, Chev, English decended countries aren't that big on this type of politeness. Previous "Don't talk to strangers - you'll get raped" type messages of the 90s have engraved themselves in many a girl's memory.
Thu, 29th Jul '04, 5:48am
Well, the problem with finding out her name, even if I tell her mine first, is finding a way to do it without it seeming strange. Considering we've been interacting for some weeks now it would feel strange introducing myself by name now.
Saw her again last night, damn she has a great smile.
Dark Haired Beauty
Thu, 29th Jul '04, 6:25am
Ok, try this Aldazar:
Hi, how are you today? You know something funny...(pause and make eye contact; eye contact is very important to a girl) I've been in here several times and we have spoken but in all that time I have never caught your name. My name is Aldazar
When you find out her name make sure you use it in the very next sentence. i.e. Nice to meet you June. Thats a pretty name it suits you.
In a more hilarious note: If you want to find out about a girls faults. Just tell her girlfriends what a wonderful person she is. :lol:
Thu, 29th Jul '04, 7:00am
Thanks DHB, I had actually thought about that approach briefly but for whatever reason that thought didn't stay long in my head. I actually have a lot fo trouble lately keeping thoughts alive and well for long.
Maybe if I remember it next Tuesday or Wednesday when she's working I'll do it.
Thu, 29th Jul '04, 10:31am
@Abomination: They've been working together for some time, so she would need severe paranoia not to tell Aldazar her name after he told her his. Really.
If she smiles and even starts talking to him, I really doubt she's afraid of him anyhow. Not in this context, anyway.
Of course, it's always good to be cautious, but paranoid is a little bit too much. Though yeah, there are girls who would think telling their name to a stranger gets them raped or something like that.
However, it's very impolite to ask someone's name. Especially if that someone is a lady. Asking someone's name and saying yours first seems a fair exchange, but it isn't tremendously polite, either. Telling your name to someone implies that you want the person to tell you his or her name, but it's not as if you were particularly insistent.
Note: If I, being male, consider it impolite even for a lady to ask my name without first introducing, how would a lady have to feel if a guy asked her name?
Guys typically don't think about that, but it's very, very important.
Dark Haired Beauty
Thu, 29th Jul '04, 4:04pm
Something I failed to mention Aldazar. I'm sure your an intelligent man and won't do this but I will mention it anyway.
Never wait on a woman in the parking lot where she works to talk to her after work unless she is expecting you to be there. Plus don't ever follow her in your car to see where she lives.
You could be the sweetest guy in the world but this really creeps a woman out. I've had this happen to me a few times and its just plain scary but some men still do it. :nolike:
Fri, 30th Jul '04, 12:43am
Yeah, as if they couldn't look it up in the human resources database :lol: :shake: ;
Stalking is bad. But when you have to do it, and sometimes you do, your disguise can't fail ;)
Fri, 30th Jul '04, 5:48am
Would never stalk anyone, particularly a lady, even though I do seem to be thinking about her quite a bit lately. TBH, it's getting to the point where rather than taking it slowly, my mind seems to be trying to convince me that I'm in love with this girl even though I really only just know her. Fortunately though, after a long pattern of succumbing to this behaviour I'm able to recognise and ignore the thoughts. It may happen one day but in all seriousness I don't think it has yet.
BTW, we don't actually work together, hence my previous comment:
There is a good chance though that I'm seen as nothing more than another customer The waiting in a parking lot I would only do if it was previously arranged that we meet there after she finishes work. Or previously I've done it while in a relationship with a girl who worked in a supermarket and finished late at night, then had to face a walk across a large not-well-lit carpark late at night. But as I said, I was actually IN a relationship with her at the time. And it also helped that I lived basically across the road from the supermarket at the time.
[ July 30, 2004, 05:27: Message edited by: Aldazar ]