I'm Pathetic
Posted Sat, 7th Aug '10 at 10:47pm by Silvery
I'm really crap. I have no idea how to make friends. I just don't know how. I can make 'friends' with people on the internet because there's no pressure. You can be whoever you want and it doesn't matter because if the people you speak to judge you, you never have to see them.
I can't do it in real life. I stutter, make dumb jokes, make an arse of myself and just end up by myself.
As I grew up I had 3 friends. One lived opposite me and we were the only kids the same age on our street. Another was the same age and our parents were in hospital together and the third was at the same out of school classes as the rest of us and we all became friends. When we went to secondry (High?) school, we were all split up and I was lost. I didn't really speak to anyone and didn't know how. In the end a girl came and sat with me because she felt sorry for me and told me later it was because she thought I was lonely but then realised that when I stopped trying, I was pretty cool! We're still good friends now.
Anyway, one of my neighbours came round tonight and invited me to a party on monday and I got so excited! She was the one who made the first overture of friendship towards me and she's fine with me as who I am. I was saying to Rob about how thrilled I was and he said he knew. I hadn;t realised that it was obvious how difficult I found it to speak to new people. However, Rob said that it was because I relied to much on first impressions. If I feel that someone dislikes me from the start then I find reasons to dislike them. I also over-anylise any relationship that I'm in (friend-wise) and I scare people off!
Anyway, I'm a bit of a saddo I think; I'm 26, a mum, a business owner and a married woman but I don't know how to make friends!
I can't do it in real life. I stutter, make dumb jokes, make an arse of myself and just end up by myself.
As I grew up I had 3 friends. One lived opposite me and we were the only kids the same age on our street. Another was the same age and our parents were in hospital together and the third was at the same out of school classes as the rest of us and we all became friends. When we went to secondry (High?) school, we were all split up and I was lost. I didn't really speak to anyone and didn't know how. In the end a girl came and sat with me because she felt sorry for me and told me later it was because she thought I was lonely but then realised that when I stopped trying, I was pretty cool! We're still good friends now.
Anyway, one of my neighbours came round tonight and invited me to a party on monday and I got so excited! She was the one who made the first overture of friendship towards me and she's fine with me as who I am. I was saying to Rob about how thrilled I was and he said he knew. I hadn;t realised that it was obvious how difficult I found it to speak to new people. However, Rob said that it was because I relied to much on first impressions. If I feel that someone dislikes me from the start then I find reasons to dislike them. I also over-anylise any relationship that I'm in (friend-wise) and I scare people off!
Anyway, I'm a bit of a saddo I think; I'm 26, a mum, a business owner and a married woman but I don't know how to make friends!
Total Comments 5
Comments
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All I can suggest Silvery, is put yourself in the position where you have no choice.
I'm very similiar to you - I don't make friends easily and lose them quickly.
Since I've started volunteering with the Sea Cadets, I've been forced into a position where I've had to make friends - it seems to work!Posted Sun, 8th Aug '10 at 8:21pm by Tarrasque 
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Stop caring
First impressions in friendship aren't important, if someone is going to base a relationship with you on a first impression then they aren't worth the time getting to know better.
If you're worried about not having ENOUGH friends then that's more pathetic than having very few, good friends.Posted Sun, 8th Aug '10 at 8:34pm by 8people
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Hm... indeed, the best bet would be to stop trying. Also, who said dumb jokes are bad? Some can be kind of adorable. I hope you are having great fun, there.
Posted Mon, 9th Aug '10 at 9:56pm by Runescarred
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I'm also quite passive when it comes to making friends, but I think I've managed to find a place for it. I don't feel uncomfortable when I'm in a place where nobody knows me
, and I feel no desire or pressure to make friends. Maybe 8ppl is right - when you don't care anymore, you no longer come across as needy or 'pathetic'. I've learnt to no longer internalize any dislike or hostility: I place responsibility for another person's dislike of me squarely in their shoes, and recognize it as a flaw in their character, not mine.
As long as you remain robust within and don't shy away from social interactions, no matter how sparse they may be, then there's nothing to worry about. Being sociable is about quality to me, not quantity.
Posted Wed, 11th Aug '10 at 12:19pm by coineineagh
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As far as I'm concerned, Sil, I've seen people that were a thousandfold more pathetic than you claim to be. I've said it before, you're a one-woman riot, and again, I mean that in a nice way.Posted Mon, 30th Aug '10 at 4:57am by Disciple of The Watch
