Eighth Dimension: #65 Mercy

I've been pretty withdrawl lately, and it's bugging me.

Last few days my pain has got a lot worse, I've needed help doing every single thing, I can't stand up more often than not on my own. I needed help getting to university which meant Kev had to come to Southampton with me for one day.

My back keeps going so I'm ending up getting stuck for hours at a time, I don't have any painkillers that can handle it anymore so I've given up taking any.

I'm not getting much sleep because I can't even lie in any one position for any length of time which leaves me often waking up Kev by accident or having to move him carefully before I can try and settle down again.

My hips and shoulders are both refusing to stay in joint, so I can't sit up properly, I have to sit at an angle or lie down. I can't use crutches or push myself because of my shoulders leaving me walking on my own which means no support for if my hips slip out of joint.

So I'm pretty much left sitting in bed most the day, getting nothing useful done. Trying to keep cheerful when I'm around other people, trying not to ask for help all the time. Kev has been a star bless him, but he's worried about me. He's worried I'll push myself too far or do something stupid because this is bothering me so much and I get a little fierce when I have to give up and ask for help.

I've even avoided the bloody chatroom because I know I'll just end up whining I get tired just standing up, I've not been able to brush my own hair because my shoulders get stuck when I reach up or my muscles will go into a spasm and I just keep dropping the brush.

Where my problems don't just affect my joints where my joints are worse I'm also having difficulty with my hearing and eyesight more as well, I can't tell where sounds are coming from and can't hear people directly addressing me, I had trouble at university because I couldn't see across the classroom to even recognise anyone. I damaged my stomach a week ago and it got worse the other day and is taking forever to heal so eating and drinking is even more painful than usual, fun! And people wonder why I avoid going out for meals.

Am hoping once the weather improves my problems will get a proper time to recover. I'm supposed to be doing so much in January and February, I don't know if I can manage university next week where I have to give a presentation to the class. I'll have to make sure the rest of the group have the information and even then I'm not confident in their skills at presenting. Or turning up on time

So don't mind the hungry, thirsty, tired cripple feeling sorry for herself in the corner It should pass soon enough.