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Creativity Surge For writings, music, art, videos etc. produced by the members of Boards o' Magick. Add your own original creation to the ranks and receive feedback from our members! Please add a tag to each new thread title that will identify the type of your content. Example tags: (Story), (Art), (Poetry), (Music), (Video) etc.

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Old Tue, 28th Feb '12, 11:58am   #1
Master of Nuhn
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Default Help me with some Dwarven Limericks!

I'm about to play a dwarven barbarian/battlerager (races of faerun prc) and pious templar of Hanseath, the dwarven deity of war, alcohol and carousal.
For the battlerager prc you need 2 ranks in Perform (Sing) and Perform (any). I chose Comedy for the last, with a focus on limericks (and joketelling) Charisma is his dumpstat, though.

I want to come up with some limericks. I made some, but I need more. And because my English isn't as good as most of yours, rhyming becomes a bit difficult. I thought it might be a good idea (and fun) to ask you to make some limericks that dwarves might sing. So please let me hear what you got!

Here are the ones I made sofar:

There once was a Dark-elven bowman
aiming at me for a moment
I spat "Boy, you wish
you had the stomach for this"
as my axe opened up his abdomen.


There once was a dragon chromatic
who was anything but ascetic.
It came to our feast
and drank like a beast,
but compared to a dwarf it's pathetic!


In humanlands, the greatest brewers
make ten kegs of beer, maybe fewer.
Neither tasty, nor strong,
that piss does belong
with the rest of it, down in the sewers.
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Last edited by Master of Nuhn; Tue, 28th Feb '12 at 12:50pm.
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Old Tue, 28th Feb '12, 5:07pm   #2
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Nice!

How's this:


There once was a dwarf named Bombur
Whose skull-cracking skills were unsure
He took to the axe
Excelled that's the facts
Now skulls disappear from shoulders!
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Old Tue, 28th Feb '12, 5:11pm   #3
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A neighbor of mine shaved his beard
Without it, he really looked weird
His wife made him pay
For a used face toupee
But it made him look worse that we feared


My cousin’s a dwarf we call “Tiny”
Who keeps his axe polished and shiny
He’s shorter than most
But at least he can boast
That he head-butts his foes in the hiney

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Old Tue, 28th Feb '12, 5:19pm   #4
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Ha!

A dwarf to a man may seem small
It's true that they're really not tall
But when orcs come on down
From mounts to your town
Who else would you want on the wall?
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Last edited by Blackthorne TA; Tue, 28th Feb '12 at 7:35pm.
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Old Tue, 28th Feb '12, 6:35pm   #5
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Haha! This is cool! As a dwarf would say: You guys rock!
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Old Tue, 28th Feb '12, 7:56pm   #6
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Dwarves are the greatest of fighters
Peerless when fighting the blighters
Their slaughter was good
Dead stacked up like wood
So please go get me a lighter
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Old Wed, 29th Feb '12, 7:52pm   #7
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A tankard of dark dwarven ale
Will go to your head without fail
Notwithstanding your height
You could get in a fight
And you’ll have your arse sitting in jail
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Old Wed, 29th Feb '12, 8:16pm   #8
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There's nothing like a fine dwarven lass
Stout, strong, a nice beard, and quite crass
So much like a man
Cop a feel if you can
Lest you wake with a pain in your.....
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Old Wed, 29th Feb '12, 8:21pm   #9
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da orcs are grunts
da goblins are runts
da humans are weak
da elves are freaks
and our dwarf-maids have hairy cheeks!
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Old Wed, 29th Feb '12, 8:54pm   #10
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Dwarves, they do love them some beerage
Their lust for it is without peerage
They drink far and wide
Wherever they abide
Especially when trapped down in steerage
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Old Wed, 29th Feb '12, 9:03pm   #11
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There once was a dwarf by the sea,
who's head was barely up to my knee.
I made fun of his height,
and before I could fight
he had cut me down like a tree.
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Old Fri, 2nd Mar '12, 7:02pm   #12
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Thanks guys! Those are great!

I made a sort of ballad-like song that my character would sing. Not really limericks, I think, cause the lines are longer. I'm quite content with it and I imagine it's sung on the melody of The Limerick Rake:


I am a fellow both crazy and bold,
protected by armor worth thousands of gold.
I'll never get wise,
just because my demise
will arive way before I get old.

I love me a hooker and skewers of pork
after fighting off giants, hobgoblins and orcs.
The guards of the keeps
often find me asleep
among bottles of liquor uncorked.

In bloodstained gear I spend many a night
at the temple of Hanseath, right after my fights.
I dance, laugh and cheer
and I'm drinking my beer
'till the rooster would herald the light.

Some day my heart stops to beat, but what gives?
Men only fear death if they don't truly live.
So when at last
my own life comes to pass
you might call it a blessing or gift.

Always remember my soul is at peace,
'cause I know I'll be joining the ranks of Hanseath.
Put my corpse on a pyre,
then set me afire
and honor my life with a feast.
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Old Sun, 4th Mar '12, 9:55pm   #13
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Nice! It works really well with the song, too.
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Old Fri, 9th Mar '12, 3:38pm   #14
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Thanks! To be honest, I kinda based it on this melody. I was wondering what the melodies of foreign limerick songs would sound like and stumbled upon this. Also, the theme is based on the (last) lyrics: honoring a scoundrel who loved life.
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