Help me with some Dwarven Limericks!

Master of Nuhn · Tue, 28th Feb '12, 11:58am

I'm about to play a dwarven barbarian/battlerager (races of faerun prc) and pious templar of Hanseath, the dwarven deity of war, alcohol and carousal.

For the battlerager prc you need 2 ranks in Perform (Sing) and Perform (any). I chose Comedy for the last, with a focus on limericks (and joketelling) Charisma is his dumpstat, though.

I want to come up with some limericks. I made some, but I need more. And because my English isn't as good as most of yours, rhyming becomes a bit difficult. I thought it might be a good idea (and fun) to ask you to make some limericks that dwarves might sing. So please let me hear what you got!

Here are the ones I made sofar:

There once was a Dark-elven bowman
aiming at me for a moment
I spat "Boy, you wish
you had the stomach for this"
as my axe opened up his abdomen.

There once was a dragon chromatic
who was anything but ascetic.
It came to our feast
and drank like a beast,
but compared to a dwarf it's pathetic!

In humanlands, the greatest brewers
make ten kegs of beer, maybe fewer.
Neither tasty, nor strong,
that piss does belong
with the rest of it, down in the sewers.

Blackthorne TA · Tue, 28th Feb '12, 5:07pm

Nice!

How's this:

There once was a dwarf named Bombur
Whose skull-cracking skills were unsure
He took to the axe
Excelled that's the facts
Now skulls disappear from shoulders!

Splunge · Tue, 28th Feb '12, 5:11pm

A neighbor of mine shaved his beard
Without it, he really looked weird
His wife made him pay
For a used face toupee
But it made him look worse that we feared

My cousin’s a dwarf we call “Tiny”
Who keeps his axe polished and shiny
He’s shorter than most
But at least he can boast
That he head-butts his foes in the hiney

Blackthorne TA · Tue, 28th Feb '12, 5:19pm

Ha!

A dwarf to a man may seem small
It's true that they're really not tall
But when orcs come on down
From mounts to your town
Who else would you want on the wall?

Master of Nuhn · Tue, 28th Feb '12, 6:35pm

Haha! This is cool! As a dwarf would say: You guys rock!

Blackthorne TA · Tue, 28th Feb '12, 7:56pm

Dwarves are the greatest of fighters
Peerless when fighting the blighters
Their slaughter was good
Dead stacked up like wood
So please go get me a lighter

Splunge · Wed, 29th Feb '12, 7:52pm

A tankard of dark dwarven ale
Will go to your head without fail
Notwithstanding your height
You could get in a fight
And you’ll have your arse sitting in jail

T2Bruno · Wed, 29th Feb '12, 8:16pm

There's nothing like a fine dwarven lass
Stout, strong, a nice beard, and quite crass
So much like a man
Cop a feel if you can
Lest you wake with a pain in your.....

Blades of Vanatar · Wed, 29th Feb '12, 8:21pm

da orcs are grunts
da goblins are runts
da humans are weak
da elves are freaks
and our dwarf-maids have hairy cheeks!

Blackthorne TA · Wed, 29th Feb '12, 8:54pm

Dwarves, they do love them some beerage
Their lust for it is without peerage
They drink far and wide
Wherever they abide
Especially when trapped down in steerage

damedog · Wed, 29th Feb '12, 9:03pm

There once was a dwarf by the sea,
who's head was barely up to my knee.
I made fun of his height,
and before I could fight
he had cut me down like a tree.

Master of Nuhn · Fri, 2nd Mar '12, 7:02pm

Thanks guys! Those are great!

I made a sort of ballad-like song that my character would sing. Not really limericks, I think, cause the lines are longer. I'm quite content with it and I imagine it's sung on the melody of The Limerick Rake:

I am a fellow both crazy and bold,
protected by armor worth thousands of gold.
I'll never get wise,
just because my demise
will arive way before I get old.

I love me a hooker and skewers of pork
after fighting off giants, hobgoblins and orcs.
The guards of the keeps
often find me asleep
among bottles of liquor uncorked.

In bloodstained gear I spend many a night
at the temple of Hanseath, right after my fights.
I dance, laugh and cheer
and I'm drinking my beer
'till the rooster would herald the light.

Some day my heart stops to beat, but what gives?
Men only fear death if they don't truly live.
So when at last
my own life comes to pass
you might call it a blessing or gift.

Always remember my soul is at peace,
'cause I know I'll be joining the ranks of Hanseath.
Put my corpse on a pyre,
then set me afire
and honor my life with a feast.

Splunge · Sun, 4th Mar '12, 9:55pm

Nice! It works really well with the song, too.

Master of Nuhn · Fri, 9th Mar '12, 3:38pm

Thanks! To be honest, I kinda based it on this melody. I was wondering what the melodies of foreign limerick songs would sound like and stumbled upon this. Also, the theme is based on the (last) lyrics: honoring a scoundrel who loved life.

Tue, 28th Feb '12, 11:58am	#1
Master of Nuhn SPS Account Holder Wear it like a crown Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Dordrecht , The Netherlands Posts: 3,609 Blog Entries: 1 Like: 63 Liked 46 Times in 33 Posts vBActivity - Stats XP: 8,650 Level: 28 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 4.51% Daily Activity 122.02% Weekly Activity 43.83% Monthly Activity 44.39% Achievements Awards	Help me with some Dwarven Limericks! I'm about to play a dwarven barbarian/battlerager (races of faerun prc) and pious templar of Hanseath, the dwarven deity of war, alcohol and carousal. For the battlerager prc you need 2 ranks in Perform (Sing) and Perform (any). I chose Comedy for the last, with a focus on limericks (and joketelling) Charisma is his dumpstat, though. I want to come up with some limericks. I made some, but I need more. And because my English isn't as good as most of yours, rhyming becomes a bit difficult. I thought it might be a good idea (and fun) to ask you to make some limericks that dwarves might sing. So please let me hear what you got! Here are the ones I made sofar: There once was a Dark-elven bowman aiming at me for a moment I spat "Boy, you wish you had the stomach for this" as my axe opened up his abdomen. There once was a dragon chromatic who was anything but ascetic. It came to our feast and drank like a beast, but compared to a dwarf it's pathetic! In humanlands, the greatest brewers make ten kegs of beer, maybe fewer. Neither tasty, nor strong, that piss does belong with the rest of it, down in the sewers.
	__________________ I've got life. I'm gonna keep it. I've got life and nobody's gonna take it away. I got life! Last edited by Master of Nuhn; Tue, 28th Feb '12 at 12:50pm.

Tue, 28th Feb '12, 5:07pm	#2
Blackthorne TA SPS Account Holder Administrator Master in his Own Mind Attack of the Tweety Zombies Champion! Balloon Bomber Champion! Barrel Jumper Champion! Belter Champion! Birdy Champion! Blast the Enemy Champion! Bubbles Champion! Color Boxes Champion! Counterstrike Champion! Emergency Champion! Fishy Champion! Galagon 2004 Champion! Grand Slam Shredder Champion! Helicopter Champion! Home Run Champion! Jackhammer Rampage Champion! Micro Machines Champion! Moon Lander Champion! Odd World Champion! Pingu Sports! Champion! Sheep Dash Champion! Snake Champion! Space Rescue Champion! Ten Pin Bowling Champion! The Viking Champion! Tiny Pinball Champion! Reaction Game Champion! Wilie Coytes Rocket Factory Champion! Storm The House Champion! aim and fire Champion! Batting Champ Champion! Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: San Pedro, CA, USA Posts: 9,722 Blog Entries: 18 Like: 19 Liked 45 Times in 32 Posts vBActivity - Stats XP: 22,004 Level: 41 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 38.09% Daily Activity 2.98% Weekly Activity 18.3% Monthly Activity 48.24% Achievements Awards	Nice! How's this: There once was a dwarf named Bombur Whose skull-cracking skills were unsure He took to the axe Excelled that's the facts Now skulls disappear from shoulders!
	__________________ Who put the rapist in therapist?

Tue, 28th Feb '12, 5:11pm	#3
Splunge SPS Account Holder Bhaal’s financial advisor Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: In hiding after Bhaal became Lord of Murder when I had him put everything into subprime mortgages. Posts: 6,545 Like: 13 Liked 57 Times in 38 Posts vBActivity - Stats XP: 15,912 Level: 36 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 23.01% Daily Activity 2.98% Weekly Activity 1.28% Monthly Activity 69.38% Achievements Awards	A neighbor of mine shaved his beard Without it, he really looked weird His wife made him pay For a used face toupee But it made him look worse that we feared My cousin’s a dwarf we call “Tiny” Who keeps his axe polished and shiny He’s shorter than most But at least he can boast That he head-butts his foes in the hiney
	__________________ I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. - Steven Wright

Tue, 28th Feb '12, 5:19pm	#4
Blackthorne TA SPS Account Holder Administrator Master in his Own Mind Attack of the Tweety Zombies Champion! Balloon Bomber Champion! Barrel Jumper Champion! Belter Champion! Birdy Champion! Blast the Enemy Champion! Bubbles Champion! Color Boxes Champion! Counterstrike Champion! Emergency Champion! Fishy Champion! Galagon 2004 Champion! Grand Slam Shredder Champion! Helicopter Champion! Home Run Champion! Jackhammer Rampage Champion! Micro Machines Champion! Moon Lander Champion! Odd World Champion! Pingu Sports! Champion! Sheep Dash Champion! Snake Champion! Space Rescue Champion! Ten Pin Bowling Champion! The Viking Champion! Tiny Pinball Champion! Reaction Game Champion! Wilie Coytes Rocket Factory Champion! Storm The House Champion! aim and fire Champion! Batting Champ Champion! Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: San Pedro, CA, USA Posts: 9,722 Blog Entries: 18 Like: 19 Liked 45 Times in 32 Posts vBActivity - Stats XP: 22,004 Level: 41 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 38.09% Daily Activity 2.98% Weekly Activity 18.3% Monthly Activity 48.24% Achievements Awards	Ha! A dwarf to a man may seem small It's true that they're really not tall But when orcs come on down From mounts to your town Who else would you want on the wall?
	__________________ Who put the rapist in therapist? Last edited by Blackthorne TA; Tue, 28th Feb '12 at 7:35pm.

Tue, 28th Feb '12, 6:35pm	#5
Master of Nuhn SPS Account Holder Wear it like a crown Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Dordrecht , The Netherlands Posts: 3,609 Blog Entries: 1 Like: 63 Liked 46 Times in 33 Posts vBActivity - Stats XP: 8,650 Level: 28 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 4.51% Daily Activity 122.02% Weekly Activity 43.83% Monthly Activity 44.39% Achievements Awards	Haha! This is cool! As a dwarf would say: You guys rock!
	__________________ I've got life. I'm gonna keep it. I've got life and nobody's gonna take it away. I got life!

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Tue, 28th Feb '12, 7:56pm	#6
Blackthorne TA SPS Account Holder Administrator Master in his Own Mind Attack of the Tweety Zombies Champion! Balloon Bomber Champion! Barrel Jumper Champion! Belter Champion! Birdy Champion! Blast the Enemy Champion! Bubbles Champion! Color Boxes Champion! Counterstrike Champion! Emergency Champion! Fishy Champion! Galagon 2004 Champion! Grand Slam Shredder Champion! Helicopter Champion! Home Run Champion! Jackhammer Rampage Champion! Micro Machines Champion! Moon Lander Champion! Odd World Champion! Pingu Sports! Champion! Sheep Dash Champion! Snake Champion! Space Rescue Champion! Ten Pin Bowling Champion! The Viking Champion! Tiny Pinball Champion! Reaction Game Champion! Wilie Coytes Rocket Factory Champion! Storm The House Champion! aim and fire Champion! Batting Champ Champion! Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: San Pedro, CA, USA Posts: 9,722 Blog Entries: 18 Like: 19 Liked 45 Times in 32 Posts vBActivity - Stats XP: 22,004 Level: 41 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 38.09% Daily Activity 2.98% Weekly Activity 18.3% Monthly Activity 48.24% Achievements Awards	Dwarves are the greatest of fighters Peerless when fighting the blighters Their slaughter was good Dead stacked up like wood So please go get me a lighter
	__________________ Who put the rapist in therapist?

Wed, 29th Feb '12, 7:52pm	#7
Splunge SPS Account Holder Bhaal’s financial advisor Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: In hiding after Bhaal became Lord of Murder when I had him put everything into subprime mortgages. Posts: 6,545 Like: 13 Liked 57 Times in 38 Posts vBActivity - Stats XP: 15,912 Level: 36 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 23.01% Daily Activity 2.98% Weekly Activity 1.28% Monthly Activity 69.38% Achievements Awards	A tankard of dark dwarven ale Will go to your head without fail Notwithstanding your height You could get in a fight And you’ll have your arse sitting in jail
	__________________ I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. - Steven Wright

Wed, 29th Feb '12, 8:16pm	#8
T2Bruno SPS Account Holder The only source of knowledge is experience Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Chicago -- far west suburbs. Posts: 9,315 Like: 20 Liked 78 Times in 59 Posts vBActivity - Stats XP: 22,265 Level: 41 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 57.88% Daily Activity 62.5% Weekly Activity 43.83% Monthly Activity 41.75% Achievements Awards	There's nothing like a fine dwarven lass Stout, strong, a nice beard, and quite crass So much like a man Cop a feel if you can Lest you wake with a pain in your.....
	__________________ “I have little patience with scientists who take a board of wood, look for its thinnest part, and drill a great number of holes where drilling is easy.”

Wed, 29th Feb '12, 8:21pm	#9
Blades of Vanatar Vanatar will rise again Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Illinois Posts: 3,554 Like: 36 Liked 41 Times in 29 Posts vBActivity - Stats XP: 9,782 Level: 29 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 54.36% Daily Activity 2.98% Weekly Activity 35.32% Monthly Activity 79.23% Achievements Awards	da orcs are grunts da goblins are runts da humans are weak da elves are freaks and our dwarf-maids have hairy cheeks!
	__________________ "Still round the corner there may wait, a new road, or a secret gate." - J.R.R. Tolkien

Wed, 29th Feb '12, 8:54pm	#10
Blackthorne TA SPS Account Holder Administrator Master in his Own Mind Attack of the Tweety Zombies Champion! Balloon Bomber Champion! Barrel Jumper Champion! Belter Champion! Birdy Champion! Blast the Enemy Champion! Bubbles Champion! Color Boxes Champion! Counterstrike Champion! Emergency Champion! Fishy Champion! Galagon 2004 Champion! Grand Slam Shredder Champion! Helicopter Champion! Home Run Champion! Jackhammer Rampage Champion! Micro Machines Champion! Moon Lander Champion! Odd World Champion! Pingu Sports! Champion! Sheep Dash Champion! Snake Champion! Space Rescue Champion! Ten Pin Bowling Champion! The Viking Champion! Tiny Pinball Champion! Reaction Game Champion! Wilie Coytes Rocket Factory Champion! Storm The House Champion! aim and fire Champion! Batting Champ Champion! Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: San Pedro, CA, USA Posts: 9,722 Blog Entries: 18 Like: 19 Liked 45 Times in 32 Posts vBActivity - Stats XP: 22,004 Level: 41 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 38.09% Daily Activity 2.98% Weekly Activity 18.3% Monthly Activity 48.24% Achievements Awards	Dwarves, they do love them some beerage Their lust for it is without peerage They drink far and wide Wherever they abide Especially when trapped down in steerage
	__________________ Who put the rapist in therapist?

Wed, 29th Feb '12, 9:03pm	#11
damedog Gems: 12/31 Latest gem: Moonstone Join Date: May 2011 Posts: 451 Like: 6 Liked 16 Times in 16 Posts vBActivity - Stats XP: 1,171 Level: 11 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 73.18% Daily Activity 62.5% Weekly Activity 9.79% Monthly Activity 7.88% Achievements	There once was a dwarf by the sea, who's head was barely up to my knee. I made fun of his height, and before I could fight he had cut me down like a tree.
	__________________ "Government by organized money is just as dangerous as Government by organized mob" -FDR

Fri, 2nd Mar '12, 7:02pm	#12
Master of Nuhn SPS Account Holder Wear it like a crown Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Dordrecht , The Netherlands Posts: 3,609 Blog Entries: 1 Like: 63 Liked 46 Times in 33 Posts vBActivity - Stats XP: 8,650 Level: 28 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 4.51% Daily Activity 122.02% Weekly Activity 43.83% Monthly Activity 44.39% Achievements Awards	Thanks guys! Those are great! I made a sort of ballad-like song that my character would sing. Not really limericks, I think, cause the lines are longer. I'm quite content with it and I imagine it's sung on the melody of The Limerick Rake: I am a fellow both crazy and bold, protected by armor worth thousands of gold. I'll never get wise, just because my demise will arive way before I get old. I love me a hooker and skewers of pork after fighting off giants, hobgoblins and orcs. The guards of the keeps often find me asleep among bottles of liquor uncorked. In bloodstained gear I spend many a night at the temple of Hanseath, right after my fights. I dance, laugh and cheer and I'm drinking my beer 'till the rooster would herald the light. Some day my heart stops to beat, but what gives? Men only fear death if they don't truly live. So when at last my own life comes to pass you might call it a blessing or gift. Always remember my soul is at peace, 'cause I know I'll be joining the ranks of Hanseath. Put my corpse on a pyre, then set me afire and honor my life with a feast.
	__________________ I've got life. I'm gonna keep it. I've got life and nobody's gonna take it away. I got life!

Sun, 4th Mar '12, 9:55pm	#13
Splunge SPS Account Holder Bhaal’s financial advisor Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: In hiding after Bhaal became Lord of Murder when I had him put everything into subprime mortgages. Posts: 6,545 Like: 13 Liked 57 Times in 38 Posts vBActivity - Stats XP: 15,912 Level: 36 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 23.01% Daily Activity 2.98% Weekly Activity 1.28% Monthly Activity 69.38% Achievements Awards	Nice! It works really well with the song, too.
	__________________ I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. - Steven Wright

Fri, 9th Mar '12, 3:38pm	#14
Master of Nuhn SPS Account Holder Wear it like a crown Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Dordrecht , The Netherlands Posts: 3,609 Blog Entries: 1 Like: 63 Liked 46 Times in 33 Posts vBActivity - Stats XP: 8,650 Level: 28 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 4.51% Daily Activity 122.02% Weekly Activity 43.83% Monthly Activity 44.39% Achievements Awards	Thanks! To be honest, I kinda based it on this melody. I was wondering what the melodies of foreign limerick songs would sound like and stumbled upon this. Also, the theme is based on the (last) lyrics: honoring a scoundrel who loved life.
	__________________ I've got life. I'm gonna keep it. I've got life and nobody's gonna take it away. I got life!