For the computer illiterate.... (a joke)

Tiamat · Mon, 29th Sep '03, 8:32pm

Have you ever considered how confusing all this technological stuff would be if we didn't know understand it so well? ...I got this in an email today. Everybody bang their head on the wall, please....

If Abbott & Costello did their Who's on First routine in today's technology era..

The NEW Abbott & Costello Who's on First.

ABBOTT: Ultimate SuperDuper Computer Store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the den, and I'm thinking of buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name is Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name is Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Does it get stuffy?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What do I see when I look out the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software that runs on Windows?

COSTELLO: No, on the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses. You know, run a business. What have
you got?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommended something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: Okay, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office.

ABBOTT: Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office and it already has windows! Let's say I'm sitting at my computer, and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: If I'm writing a proposal, I'm going to need lots of words. But what program do I load?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: The Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in "office for windows?"

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue W.

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your big W if you don't give me a straight answer.

Let's forget about words for a minute. What do I need if I want to watch a movie over the Internet?

ABBOTT: RealOne.

COSTELLO: Maybe a real movie, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. But what do I need to watch it?

ABBOTT: RealOne.

COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I'll also want to watch reels two, three and four. Can I watch reel four?

ABBOTT: Of course.

COSTELLO: Great! With what?

ABBOTT: RealOne.

COSTELLO: Okay, so I'm sitting at my computer and I want to watch a movie.

What do I do?

ABBOTT: You click the blue 1.

COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?

ABBOTT: The blue 1.

COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue W?

ABBOTT: Of course it is. The blue 1 is RealOne. The blue W is Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows!"

ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.

COSTELLO: It is?

ABBOTT: Yes, although to be fair there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words.

COSTELLO: And that word is the real one?

ABBOTT: No. RealOne has nothing to do with Word. RealOne isn't even part of Office.

COSTELLO: Never mind; I don't want to get started with that again. But I also need something for bank accounts, loans, and so on. What do you have to help me track my money?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: No, not really. It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What comes bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Exactly. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer at no extra charge? How much money do I get?

ABBOTT: Just one copy.
COSTELLO: I get a copy of money. Isn't that illegal?

ABBOTT: No. We have a license from Microsoft to make copies of
Money.

COSTELLO: Microsoft can license you to make money?

ABBOTT: Why not? They own it.

COSTELLO: Well, it's great that I'm going to get free money, but I'll still need to track it. Do you have anything for managing your money?

ABBOTT: Managing Your Money? That program disappeared years ago.

COSTELLO: Well, what do you sell in its place?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: You sell money?

ABBOTT: Of course. But if you buy a computer from us, you get it
for free.

COSTELLO: That's all very wonderful, but I'll be running a business. Do you have any software for, you know, accounting?

ABBOTT: Simply Accounting.

COSTELLO: Probably, but it might get a little complicated.

ABBOTT: If you don't want Simply Accounting, you might try M.Y.O.B.

COSTELLO: M.Y.O.B.? What does that stand for?

ABBOTT: Mind Your Own Business.

COSTELLO: I beg your pardon?

ABBOTT: No, that would be I.B.Y.P. I said M.Y.O.B.

COSTELLO: Look, I just need to do some accounting for my home business. You know--accounting? You do it with money.

ABBOTT: Of course you can do accounting with Money. But you may need more.

COSTELLO: More money?

ABBOTT: More than Money. Money can't do everything.

COSTELLO: I don't need a sermon! Okay, let's forget about money for the moment. I'm worried that my computer might...what's the word? Crash. And if my computer crashes, what can I use to restore my data?

ABBOTT: GoBack.

COSTELLO: Okay. I'm worried about my computer smashing and I need something to restore my data. What do you recommend?

ABBOTT: GoBack.

COSTELLO: How many times do I have to repeat myself?

ABBOTT: I've never asked you to repeat yourself. All I said was
GoBack.

COSTELLO: How can I go back if I haven't even been anywhere?
Okay, I'll go back. What do I need to write a proposal?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: But I'll need lots of words to write a proposal.

ABBOTT: No, you only need one Word-the Word in Office for
Windows.

COSTELLO: But there's three words in...Oh, never mind.

ABBOTT: Hello? Hello? Customers! Why do they always hang up on me? Oh, well. Ultimate SuperDuper Computer Store. Can I help you?

Rallymama · Mon, 29th Sep '03, 8:40pm

LMAO! That was priceless!

How about this: "There are 10 types of people in this world. Those who understand binary and those who don't."

Had my boss in stiches for 5 (or is that 101)minutes!

Gothmog · Mon, 29th Sep '03, 8:42pm

LOL!

Though its a bit streched at the end imo. Still damn funny

COSTELLO: I get a copy of money. Isn't that illegal?

ABBOTT: No. We have a license from Microsoft to make copies of
Money.

COSTELLO: Microsoft can license you to make money?

ABBOTT: Why not? They own it

Spellbound · Tue, 30th Sep '03, 5:46am

ROTFLMAO! Funny one Tia!

BigStick · Tue, 30th Sep '03, 1:44pm

That's great!

I'm going to copy that out and send it to some friends/family. Hope you don't mimd!

rcoutme · Fri, 10th Oct '03, 1:40pm

Tiamat, that was great. I have also sent it to family and friends. I suspect this may become another one of those annoying chain letters, but it is really a riot.

Rotku · Fri, 10th Oct '03, 11:59pm

LMAO!
Funny!

Ofelix · Sat, 11th Oct '03, 4:47pm

Indeed funny!

Shrikant · Sun, 12th Oct '03, 5:59pm

Good one

Too bad the Comp geeks dont seem to find any problem understanding what Abbot was saying

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Mon, 29th Sep '03, 8:32pm	#1
Tiamat SPS Account Holder News Editor We are such stuff as dreams are made on Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: somewhere to the north of where I used to be Posts: 944 Like: 0 Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts vBActivity - Stats XP: 2,808 Level: 17 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 23.29% Daily Activity 2.21% Weekly Activity 0.95% Monthly Activity 1.4% Achievements	Have you ever considered how confusing all this technological stuff would be if we didn't know understand it so well? ...I got this in an email today. Everybody bang their head on the wall, please.... If Abbott & Costello did their Who's on First routine in today's technology era.. The NEW Abbott & Costello Who's on First. ABBOTT: Ultimate SuperDuper Computer Store. Can I help you? COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the den, and I'm thinking of buying a computer. ABBOTT: Mac? COSTELLO: No, the name is Lou. ABBOTT: Your computer? COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one. ABBOTT: Mac? COSTELLO: I told you, my name is Lou. ABBOTT: What about Windows? COSTELLO: Why? Does it get stuffy? ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows? COSTELLO: I don't know. What do I see when I look out the windows? ABBOTT: Wallpaper. COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software. ABBOTT: Software that runs on Windows? COSTELLO: No, on the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses. You know, run a business. What have you got? ABBOTT: Office. COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything? ABBOTT: I just did. COSTELLO: You just did what? ABBOTT: Recommended something. COSTELLO: You recommended something? ABBOTT: Yes. COSTELLO: For my office? ABBOTT: Yes. COSTELLO: Okay, what did you recommend for my office? ABBOTT: Office. COSTELLO: Yes, for my office. ABBOTT: Office for Windows. COSTELLO: I already have an office and it already has windows! Let's say I'm sitting at my computer, and I want to type a proposal. What do I need? ABBOTT: Word. COSTELLO: If I'm writing a proposal, I'm going to need lots of words. But what program do I load? ABBOTT: Word. COSTELLO: What word? ABBOTT: The Word in Office. COSTELLO: The only word in office is office. ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows. COSTELLO: Which word in "office for windows?" ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue W. COSTELLO: I'm going to click your big W if you don't give me a straight answer. Let's forget about words for a minute. What do I need if I want to watch a movie over the Internet? ABBOTT: RealOne. COSTELLO: Maybe a real movie, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. But what do I need to watch it? ABBOTT: RealOne. COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I'll also want to watch reels two, three and four. Can I watch reel four? ABBOTT: Of course. COSTELLO: Great! With what? ABBOTT: RealOne. COSTELLO: Okay, so I'm sitting at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do? ABBOTT: You click the blue 1. COSTELLO: I click the blue one what? ABBOTT: The blue 1. COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue W? ABBOTT: Of course it is. The blue 1 is RealOne. The blue W is Word. COSTELLO: What word? ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows. COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows!" ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world. COSTELLO: It is? ABBOTT: Yes, although to be fair there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words. COSTELLO: And that word is the real one? ABBOTT: No. RealOne has nothing to do with Word. RealOne isn't even part of Office. COSTELLO: Never mind; I don't want to get started with that again. But I also need something for bank accounts, loans, and so on. What do you have to help me track my money? ABBOTT: Money. COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have? ABBOTT: Money. COSTELLO: I need money to track my money? ABBOTT: No, not really. It comes bundled with your computer. COSTELLO: What comes bundled with my computer? ABBOTT: Money. COSTELLO: Money comes bundled with my computer? ABBOTT: Exactly. No extra charge. COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer at no extra charge? How much money do I get? ABBOTT: Just one copy. COSTELLO: I get a copy of money. Isn't that illegal? ABBOTT: No. We have a license from Microsoft to make copies of Money. COSTELLO: Microsoft can license you to make money? ABBOTT: Why not? They own it. COSTELLO: Well, it's great that I'm going to get free money, but I'll still need to track it. Do you have anything for managing your money? ABBOTT: Managing Your Money? That program disappeared years ago. COSTELLO: Well, what do you sell in its place? ABBOTT: Money. COSTELLO: You sell money? ABBOTT: Of course. But if you buy a computer from us, you get it for free. COSTELLO: That's all very wonderful, but I'll be running a business. Do you have any software for, you know, accounting? ABBOTT: Simply Accounting. COSTELLO: Probably, but it might get a little complicated. ABBOTT: If you don't want Simply Accounting, you might try M.Y.O.B. COSTELLO: M.Y.O.B.? What does that stand for? ABBOTT: Mind Your Own Business. COSTELLO: I beg your pardon? ABBOTT: No, that would be I.B.Y.P. I said M.Y.O.B. COSTELLO: Look, I just need to do some accounting for my home business. You know--accounting? You do it with money. ABBOTT: Of course you can do accounting with Money. But you may need more. COSTELLO: More money? ABBOTT: More than Money. Money can't do everything. COSTELLO: I don't need a sermon! Okay, let's forget about money for the moment. I'm worried that my computer might...what's the word? Crash. And if my computer crashes, what can I use to restore my data? ABBOTT: GoBack. COSTELLO: Okay. I'm worried about my computer smashing and I need something to restore my data. What do you recommend? ABBOTT: GoBack. COSTELLO: How many times do I have to repeat myself? ABBOTT: I've never asked you to repeat yourself. All I said was GoBack. COSTELLO: How can I go back if I haven't even been anywhere? Okay, I'll go back. What do I need to write a proposal? ABBOTT: Word. COSTELLO: But I'll need lots of words to write a proposal. ABBOTT: No, you only need one Word-the Word in Office for Windows. COSTELLO: But there's three words in...Oh, never mind. ABBOTT: Hello? Hello? Customers! Why do they always hang up on me? Oh, well. Ultimate SuperDuper Computer Store. Can I help you?

Mon, 29th Sep '03, 8:40pm	#2
Rallymama O Fortuna, velat Luna, statu variabilis Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Wherever I go, there I am Posts: 4,329 Like: 0 Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts vBActivity - Stats XP: 9,536 Level: 29 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 22.84% Daily Activity 2.21% Weekly Activity 0.95% Monthly Activity 1.4% Achievements	LMAO! That was priceless! How about this: "There are 10 types of people in this world. Those who understand binary and those who don't." Had my boss in stiches for 5 (or is that 101)minutes!

Mon, 29th Sep '03, 8:42pm	#3
Gothmog SPS Account Holder Man, a curious beast indeed! Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: That big Forest - Slovenia Posts: 1,829 Like: 0 Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts vBActivity - Stats XP: 4,402 Level: 20 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 96.94% Daily Activity 2.21% Weekly Activity 0.95% Monthly Activity 1.4% Achievements	LOL! Though its a bit streched at the end imo. Still damn funny COSTELLO: I get a copy of money. Isn't that illegal? ABBOTT: No. We have a license from Microsoft to make copies of Money. COSTELLO: Microsoft can license you to make money? ABBOTT: Why not? They own it

Tue, 30th Sep '03, 5:46am	#4
Spellbound SPS Account Holder Distinguished Member Mod Reviewer Fleur de Mystique Join Date: May 2002 Location: Tornado Alley Posts: 1,259 Like: 0 Liked 3 Times in 1 Post vBActivity - Stats XP: 3,610 Level: 19 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 23.3% Daily Activity 2.21% Weekly Activity 0.95% Monthly Activity 1.4% Achievements	ROTFLMAO! Funny one Tia!

Tue, 30th Sep '03, 1:44pm	#5
BigStick Gems: 13/31 Latest gem: Ziose Join Date: May 2003 Location: Suburban Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 590 Like: 0 Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts vBActivity - Stats XP: 1,586 Level: 13 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 41.07% Daily Activity 2.21% Weekly Activity 0.95% Monthly Activity 1.4% Achievements	That's great! I'm going to copy that out and send it to some friends/family. Hope you don't mimd!

Fri, 10th Oct '03, 1:40pm	#6
rcoutme Gems: 4/31 Latest gem: Sunstone Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 83 Like: 0 Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts vBActivity - Stats XP: 590 Level: 8 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 65.1% Daily Activity 2.21% Weekly Activity 0.95% Monthly Activity 1.4% Achievements	Tiamat, that was great. I have also sent it to family and friends. I suspect this may become another one of those annoying chain letters, but it is really a riot.

Fri, 10th Oct '03, 11:59pm	#7
Rotku SPS Account Holder I believe I can fly Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: New Zealand Posts: 3,103 Blog Entries: 19 Like: 9 Liked 4 Times in 4 Posts vBActivity - Stats XP: 7,577 Level: 26 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 49.77% Daily Activity 2.21% Weekly Activity 0.95% Monthly Activity 4.34% Achievements Awards	LMAO! Funny!

Sat, 11th Oct '03, 4:47pm	#8
Ofelix The world changes, we do not, what irony! Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Mons Regius - provincia quebecum Posts: 5,710 Like: 6 Liked 23 Times in 17 Posts vBActivity - Stats XP: 13,144 Level: 33 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 45.96% Daily Activity 46.36% Weekly Activity 26.15% Monthly Activity 37.97% Achievements	Indeed funny!

Sun, 12th Oct '03, 5:59pm	#9
Shrikant Gems: 27/31 Latest gem: Emerald Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Bombay,India Posts: 2,615 Like: 0 Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts vBActivity - Stats XP: 5,878 Level: 23 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 76.14% Daily Activity 2.21% Weekly Activity 0.95% Monthly Activity 1.4% Achievements	Good one Too bad the Comp geeks dont seem to find any problem understanding what Abbot was saying