got a good joke?

[scarampella]

I am one of those people who has heard many jokes but remembers none. Well, none except the most disgusting or childish jokes.

I figure there have to be some in countries other than my own which I haven't heard already so fire away!

For example (told to me by my daughter):

Q: Why is 6 afraid of 7?
A: because 7 8 9

[Psycho. the fanged rabbit]

So pretty much you want us to say lame ittle kid jokes? If so here is one.

Where does the boat go when he get's sick?

To the Doc.

Please respond to tell me if this is what you meant.

[Yerril]

A man walked into a bar. Ouch. Ho. Ho.

...

Why can't Sir Yerril spend more time with his special Laydee?

Because they both have too much homework!

[Sick curtaiN]

thats okay Sir Yerril...

now... On to the joke...

What sucks about being a Baldwin?

.
.
.
NOTHING!!

Sorry, I just have a Southpark hangover... Just had to say it!

[ September 01, 2002, 15:58: Message edited by: sick_curtain ]

[scarampella]

ANY joke is fine by me, but I don't know where the moderators would draw the line.

[SleepleSS]

I guy walks into a supermarket. There he askes the nice girl who is working there: Do you sell Nails? No the girl replies. Oh in that case, I'm in the wrong joke!

[soapy cuts]

There are two pieces of bacon sizzling in a pan. One piece turns to the other and asks,"Hows it going?" Then the other piece of bacon says,"OHH MY GOD! THIS PIECE OF BACON IS TALKING!"

[Eze]

FRODO:Gandalf, what is the password?

GANDALF:Umm, I do not know. I'll try to figure out.

2 HOURS LATER

GANDALF:Aha! MELON!

*The doors of Moria turn into giant melons*

[scarampella]

I love it! Sounds like some good ol' homemade humor.
Here's another one:

Q. Did you just pick your nose?

A. No, I was born with it.

har, har

[Ragusa]

Once there was a little girl with two blue ribbons growing out of her nose.
A weird case, since Jupiter was written on one and Mars on the other.

[8people]

Three old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a man jumps out the bushes and flashes at them. On the spot two of them had a stroke. The other couldn't reach

[nior]

when i was younger we used to have a joke that goes like this:

Q. why did the kid goat cry?
A. because his mother has a beard.

[Lady Loulex]

I don't get your joke Ragusa. Please explain.

I asked the lord for a flower and he gave me a garden, I asked the lord for a tree and he gave me a forest, I asked the lord for an arshole and he gave me your number.

I'm at the police station for speeding. Urine sample test possitive, would of been charged for drink driving so I stole the sample and now I've been charged for taking the piss! :skake:

[ September 06, 2002, 21:42: Message edited by: Lady Loulex ]

[8people]

A blonde was in a hotel when she heard that there was a magic mirror - if you told it something true it would reward you , told it a lie and it sucked you into oblivion.

The blonde went downstairs and there were to women there already the first said -
"I think I am the prettiest woman in the world"
phht! she was sucked into oblivion. the second said
"I believe I am the sexiest woman in the world"
phht! she was sucked into oblivion, the blond stood in front of the mirror and said -
"I think..."
phht! She was sucked into oblivion

[SleepleSS]

2 guys are standing in a bar, and then one of them turnes into a giant shark! He starts to eat people and it becomes one big blood bath! Women children, and a bus full of nuns who where just having a drink...

Any way.. the first guy, I believe his name was Fred, looks at all this and then takes a dead mouse out of his pocket, and whit that he beats the barman until he is dead. And you know what he says then?

"Would you like to have fries with that?"

[Yerril]

Rags - stop tormenting me.

SleepleSS - what the hell??!

[8people]

A one armed Blonde is climbing a tree, how do you make her fall?

Wave at her!

[Baldak Oakfist]

I like this site for jokes.
http://www.aarons-jokes.com/

[Arwen]

The word good has many meanings. For example, if a man were to shoot his grandmother at a range of five hundred yards, I should call him a good shot, but not necessarily a good man

[Morgoth]

What do you call a fish with no eyes??

A fsh!!

[8people]

A man and his monkey went into a bar, the man sat down with a drink while his monkey went and ate all the nuts in the bar the barmen sai
"Did you see that!" The man turned round
"Oh yeah - he eats anything and everything" The man continued drinking. Then the monkey ate some cigarettes and a few pound coins the barman shook his head in disbelief. The monkey went over to the pool table and ate the Cue Ball
"Did you se that! Your monkey just ate the cue ball!"
"Oh yeah - sorry about that." The man payed for his drink and payed for everything the monkey had eaten

The next week the man came back with his monkey, the man sat down with his drink while his monkey went to the bar and picked up a cherry - this time he put it up his butt before taking it out then eating it
"Did you see what your monkey just did!"
"Oh yeah - ever since he ate that Cue Ball he checks the size of things before he eats them."

[Oaz]

A guy needs a dog for protection, so he goes into a pet shop. The owner shows him a poodle that knows karate. The guy is skeptical, but the owner says, "Karate the chair!"

The poodle tears up the chair into shreds.

"Karate the box!"

The poodle rips up the box.

Convinced, the man buys the dog and shows it to his wife. She says, "A dog who knows karate? Ha! Karate, my ass!"

[Mithrandir]

Three women are sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there is a
> > beeping sound. The first lady presses her forearm and
> > the beeping stops. The others look at her curiously. "That's my
> > pager," she says, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
> >
> > A few minutes later a phone rings. The second woman lifts
> > her palm to her ear. When she finishes she explains, "That's my
> > mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
> >
> > The third woman, feeling decidedly low-tech, steps out of the
> > sauna. In a few minutes she returns with a piece of toilet paper
> > hanging from the crack of her butt. The others raise their eyebrows.
> >
> > "Oh, excuse me. I'm getting a fax."

[Deathmage]

This is kinda similar to the Bacon Joke...

Several horses are showing off in the stables about their wins. "I had 32 races and I only lost 14!" one said. "Hah! I had 57 races and I only lost 9!" "Pathetic!" another piped up. "I had 76 races and I lost 6!"

Meanwhile, a dog who has been listing to their conversation spoke. "I had 99 races and lost 2."
"Oh my god..." the horses said. "Dogs could talk!"

[Keraptisdm]

A family is in Church for the first time. When the offering plate is being passed, the little boy loudly says, "Don't pay for me Dad. I'm under five!"