Random Relationship Babbling Thread (alias Relationship Rant Thread #2)

[Disciple of The Watch]

As mighty Taluntain closed the first one, here is the second one. Continue ranting here!

*EDIT 2* Thanks to fair lady Shell for submitting a new name for the thread. *big hug*

[ January 26, 2006, 18:23: Message edited by: Disciple of The Watch ]

[Ofelix]

Very well I shall do so. A friend of mine I've talked yesterday, had point out that I'm really torn appart for two girls. One is of course Émilie from college, but I don't think she's really interested at all, and she seem a bit hollow in personality if you get my meaning. The second is Catherine a year younger than me (and still in High School) I haven't realized that before yesterday and maybe it's my friend who misunderstood my relation with her. While we get along pretty well she's just a very good friend. I fear a love relationship will just ruin everything. And anyway she's got a lover, even though he's in Europe and she haven't see him for months.

[shadow lurker]

@Disciple of The Watch
Yeah, it was pretty horrific. Especially when the *older* teachers started asking questions about him in class. Scarred for life. *shudder*
Why did I pick Commerce back then? Why?!

[chevalier]

Well, Ofelix, enjoy your single life. It isn't bad, really. You probably can't appreciate a good relationship without spending a great deal of time single and liking it, as well. One appears hollow to you and the other is taken, so get them both out of your mind and focus on learning and go on with your normal life. Enjoy!

And you don't need a girlfriend to be a guy. You're way better off single than in a relationship that isn't right for you or any sort of a hollow relationship or relationship for its own sake. Seeking a woman would make sense if you were forty and desperate to settle down plus of the personality that gets along with everyone. And wouldn't be so great even then.

[Disciple of The Watch]

Chev is totally right on that one, Ofelix, you're better off single. But remember that these girls have friends, and these friends have friends, and probably when you'll least expect it, you'll find someone for you. Trust me.

And besides... you pointed out that she's "just a friend". If you don't have feelings for that girl, drop the ball, man, love is a feeling that is there or isn't there. I find it hard to believe that you can develop feelings of love when no such feelings were present at first. Chev, whatcha think?

And shadow lurker... we all make mistakes...

[Ofelix]

Maybe you're right, I'm just all mess up in the head lately, I'm just eh, you've probably noticed by the total lack of sense or interrest in my post! Yeah I think I should jusr forget about it.

[Disciple of The Watch]

Oh? I thought this was your usual state, Ofelix.

Nah, kidding, man.

Trust the Old Dirty Bastards (me and Chev, that is) this time.

A famous quote from my brother: "Age brings wisdom... well mine surely got lost in the mail!"

[chevalier]

@DotW: I'm not sure. They say guys either fancy a woman from first sight or never. That's not always true, I think, but there's often a variety of factors to blur it. It's possible to make love grow and sometimes people "discover" love after years of being friends or neighbours or whatever such, so I think it may be possible to feel totally nothing "that way" to someone and then be "struck" by love. I believe that feelings evolve and a lot depends on realisation. Realisations are strange sometimes. But I don't believe that once just friends always just friends.

[Disciple of The Watch]

Again, you make a good point, Chev.

Still, the notion of "discovering" or "being struck by love" still sounds a bit strange to me. But then again, so does the notion of love at first sight.

Love, I think, is just... how can I say it... something you know. I am lacking words to explain it, however... I'll follow-up as soon as I can word my thoughts...

[Dalveen]

I disagree with the whole "Guys fancy a girl on first sight or never" philosophy. When i first arrived at Uni, the guys in my flat and the girls in the flat got on really well, for the whole of freshers week i was really liking one of the girls up there, unfortunatley with my luck, she was taken already before coming to uni, when i got over her i noticed one of her flat mates whom i hadnt noticed before and now i really like her. It isnt gonna develop into anything tho cos im really not her type, and she manages to keep slipping that into conversations alot.

Also, for people who have no experience of love, apart from love of their family, they make think that they just really like someone till a friend points out that the couple seem to be in love, and thats when it strikes the person that they do actually love the person. Hence the term being "Struck" by love.

[kuemper]

I also disagree with the a guy likes a girl on first sight or never ideology. I never laid eyes on my hubby until we'd been engaged for 2 years. Internet romance gotta love it.

I know I'm not chev, but I have been around in many relationships. When you finally decide you can handle being alone, living with your pets or your parents' basement or in a cardboard box, with just having the dog or cat or stuffed animal to snuggle up to at night, you'll find the person for you. Yes, it's cliche, but when it happens, it happens.

Both hubby and I were in cr*ppy relationships and had a year or so of 'alone' time. Both of us were okay with being alone, reguardless of what our 'friends' wanted. (Mine kept setting me up with total d***** bags because that's what they had ) We talked for a while through email and he says he knew I was The One.

That's my bit said, so you can go back to ignoring me and listening to only chev, who (according to DotW) is the only relationship 'expert' worth listening to. I'm not knocking chev. I'm just frustrated that he's getting such a rah-rah. I don't know about his past relationships, but I do know mine and when I say I've 'been there, done that', I'm not joking.

[Winterine]

*l* Sounds familiar.

Rant of my own (ok so it's not so relationship-y directly...): Got a hen's night on the weekend and the bridesmaid who's organised the whole thing won't tell anyone anything of what's going on, insisting that she wants it to be a surprise for everyone, including the bride. All we've been told is:

• Wear nice clothes...dress up...and wear pink
• Wear shoes that can "get you into places, so no thongs" but they have to be comfortable as well because we'll be "doing a lot of walking around"
• Bring a pair of shorts? (!)
• Bring extra money for drinks if desired
• Bring extra money to stay at a hotel overnight if desired
• There will be a video camera...so we have been warned
• We have to meet at a wharf on time before "something" leaves without us (what could it be? )
• "Of course there'll be boys. There are boys everywhere..."

Aghhhhhh! I might as well pack a suitcase! And if it's going to be wet weather like it is today...grrr....

This is my first hen's night so I don't REALLY know exactly what to expect. But I don't think I know anyone who's ever been to a more strict and vaguely-described hen's night ever!

EDIT: clarifying stuff

[ November 25, 2005, 03:53: Message edited by: Winterine ]

[Disciple of The Watch]

Meh, kuemp, I'm not saying that Chev is the one and only expert in relationships, but he does make good points.

You make a good point for the Internet romance, y'know? I got to know my now-deceased fiancee on MSN. It was clear to me that I loved her with all my soul, and while I don't believe in the notion of 'The One', I knew we would be together a looooong time. Seems fate decided otherwise. Read Dragonfly's El Dia de los Muertos thread for more details, if you really care to know the whole story.

I had another fiancee two years after... I prefer not to dig into unpleasent memories, regardless to say, it had a dream beginning and a hellish end.

As for now... I'm enjoying being single. I'm not worried about meeting someone. I just let it happen.

[chevalier]

Also, for people who have no experience of love, apart from love of their family, they make think that they just really like someone till a friend points out that the couple seem to be in love, and thats when it strikes the person that they do actually love the person. Hence the term being "Struck" by love.

Yeah. And sometimes it's really just liking someone a great lot or loving the brother-sister way. Not like it won't make a successful relationship with people who aren't biologically related. However, what I meant was rather if a woman appeals to the guy or not physically, biologically, etc. There is some sense in it, but I have my reservations.

@kuemper: Are you sure you've got me right? I still can't figure out where it is that you disagree with me.

[kuemper]

No disagreement, chev. I'm just uber annoyed that *you* are the one some people *cough*DotW*cough* keep begging advice from; like no one else here has had any relationship problems.

Most males *do* follow the formula of either liking a female or not when they first see her. I've seen the few that are the exception. Well, them over the head with my wicked sense of humor to change their outlook.

[Harbourboy]

Maybe people should also ask advice of all the people with good relationships on SP. You don't hear much from many of them (because they might not have much to rant about) but there are plenty of happily married people here who may have something wise to add.

[Wordplay]

I never laid eyes on my hubby until we'd been engaged for 2 years. Internet romance gotta love it.

Uh... some sucker for talking, less for doing. I can't even imagine why anyone would want to keep it so distant and, well; boring. C'mon, don't you people want to spice it up a little and add some fire into it?

**Below**

No, not really; just saying that some people are too focused on the "romantic" side and forget that there are other needs too. It's a bit pity that people don't speak more openly about it and those who do, even on boards, are easily labeled as "casanovas" or "gigolos." Seems like people are still acting all victorian and modest about it, where sparks would serve better. Ah, well... part of the european heritage, I guess, when you compare to such nations as India. Good thing I'm not staying.

[ November 25, 2005, 23:57: Message edited by: Wirhe ]

[Barmy Army]

Yeah come on people, listen to Mr. Casanever here. He's been around the block and knows the score. Eh, Wirhe?

[Disciple of The Watch]

Heh, I don't *beg* Chev for advice, I *ask* him and we *exchange* points of view. If you want to give sound advice, argue, or exchange points of view, kuemp, or just anyone else here, then feel free to do it, I read every damn thing that's posted here.

[Kenixkil]

My relationship rant...
Not much to talk about since I don't have a relationship per se.
Is is possible to be confused about your feelings for someone? Because there was this girl that I just thought of as a friend at first, and started liking about 10 months later. Now I don't know what I'm feeling, y'know? I don't get that *feeling* anymore, but I still *think* I like her. It's really messing with my head.
Some help would be appreciated.

[Disciple of The Watch]

My first advice would be to sort out whenever it's *love* or *lust* you feel for that girl... take time to sort out your feelings, dude.

[Harbourboy]

Not necessarily love OR lust. Why can't it be both?

[chevalier]

Perhaps it's all about definitions. You can define lust as simply sex drive, but it has some innate bad connotations. But you also have lust as one of the seven deadly sins, an obsessive, unrestrained craving.

[Disciple of The Watch]

In that case, I was refering to lust in the sexual desire way. And HB, I never said it couldn't be both at the same time... perhaps I was unclear. I actually meant to say to clear out if it was only lust, or both lust and love.

[Kenixkil]

It's definitely not lust, since I do, or at least *did* have genuine feelings for her.
The background story is a little complicated. There was another girl whom I really did feel *lust* and I *think* that I tried to get over it by going for this girl, if it's actually possible to conciously fall for a girl. I did have feelings for her prior to that which I just...nudged a bit. We do know each other pretty well as friends, although just friends.

What a nice web I have made for myself!