How Would You Get Rid Of A Dead Body

Barmy Army · Fri, 5th Feb '10, 6:35pm

OK, you've killed someone. You didn't mean to, but **** happens. The authorities can't find out, as the circumstances would look very dodgy. You've got to dispose of the body, how would you do it?

Discuss.

Splunge · Fri, 5th Feb '10, 6:41pm

That would depende on where the body is.

Blades of Vanatar · Fri, 5th Feb '10, 6:44pm

Just watch the movie "Eating Raoul". Case closed.

Seriously(not that this is a serious subject!), I would hide it 1st, preferably somewhere nobody could find/smell it. Only for a day at most. Then I would purchase(with cash only) a roll of plastic to wrap the body. Then it depends. Bury it somewhere that is in no way connected to yourself? Somewhere secluded and hidden, but doesn't draw animals. Somewhere away from main society, like not at the edge of Suburbia, but 100 miles farther out. Maybe 200 miles. Make sure the land is not going to be developed soon, if possible. Stay off of toll roads that can track your vehicle.

Shoshino · Fri, 5th Feb '10, 6:49pm

you trying to tell us something Barmy?

Barmy Army · Fri, 5th Feb '10, 6:55pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Splunge

That would depende on where the body is.

In my... 'a' car boot.

Aldeth the Foppish Idiot · Fri, 5th Feb '10, 6:59pm

OK Barms, if we are discussing this as something we have to actively contemplate, I'm worried. If we're speaking strictly hypothetically, what does your brain do to come up with stuff like this.

But to answer the question, I'd stick the body in one of those chipper/shredder/mulcher things. Saw it in a movie once - figured it would be a good way to get rid of evidence.

dmc · Fri, 5th Feb '10, 7:08pm

I would think that the wood chipper would be a terrible way to get rid of evidence. The body would be sprayed in thousands of pieces, so you know that some of it would be missed and around for some forensics people to find. Don't you guys watch NCIS, Bones and all of those oh-so-realistic shows?

8people · Fri, 5th Feb '10, 7:12pm

Pigs!

Hanging around with CSI addicts and geeks they deducted they know some rather co-operative pig farmers.

Death Rabbit · Fri, 5th Feb '10, 7:13pm

Here's what I'd do.

You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you've gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it?

Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs.

You've got to starve the pigs for a few days. Then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig sh*t, now do you?

They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig."

But that's me.

Barmy Army · Fri, 5th Feb '10, 7:15pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Death Rabbit

Here's what I'd do.

You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you've gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it?

Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs.

You got to starve the pigs for a few days. Then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig sh*t, now do you?

They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig."

But that's me.

YES!!!!

Blades of Vanatar · Fri, 5th Feb '10, 7:36pm

Now, I have seen the Pig Farmer thing in both Hannibal and the TV show Criminal Minds. And the chipper is all Fargo. (Good thing I'm eating my lunch as I type this, the subject matter is the ultimate appetite depresser!). What about keeping the body? I'm not talking about any type of Necro-stuff, but I mean preserving the body and keeping it hid, possibly in an underground cellar?

8people · Fri, 5th Feb '10, 7:42pm

Or positioned in a jaunty angle

Blades of Vanatar · Fri, 5th Feb '10, 7:43pm

If you live in an area with a car pool lane, you got your everyday passenger.

Saber · Fri, 5th Feb '10, 7:50pm

I'd do what Dexter does!

Blades of Vanatar · Fri, 5th Feb '10, 7:53pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saber

I'd do what Dexter does!

Which is?

Shoshino · Fri, 5th Feb '10, 8:06pm

first got to remove any forensic evidence, so first I would bathe the body in caustic soda or a perklone or hydrocarbon based solvent (need a respirator for the solvents), messy I know but needs must, then (since I have a flat freezer) freeze the body and then crush it.

NOG (No Other Gods) · Fri, 5th Feb '10, 8:35pm

Acid. Muriatic acid can be bought as a drain cleaner, and that's basically diluted hydrochloric acid. Just make sure to do this in something ceramic (most tubs are, I think, but a stopper may be a problem). You can do it at home and there's no need for anyone else to get involved. Buy a couple big bottles of muriatic acid (in different stores, with cash) and you're good.

Gaear · Fri, 5th Feb '10, 9:04pm

You guys would all be caught eventually.

The only way to be certain that you wouldn't would be for there to be absolutely no evidence pointing to you, and the fact that right off the bat you're already in possession of the body pretty much rules that out.

Disciple of The Watch · Fri, 5th Feb '10, 9:26pm

I like NOG's idea. As for the bones, well... grind the crap out of 'em and use it to fertilize trees, a garden, a coffee plantation that hides a secret... Crap. Said too much already.

NOG (No Other Gods) · Fri, 5th Feb '10, 9:29pm

Actually, with time, the acid could even take care of the bones. If you live alone, it's not a problem.

As for being caught, realistically, you could leave the body there and have good odds of never being arrested. Only about 50% of murders are cleared by conviction in the US, and that's the highest rate of all our crimes (don't even ask what the theft clearance rate is).

Caradhras · Fri, 5th Feb '10, 9:45pm

The pig farm is a classic but another option would be to cut up the body put it into suitcases then get a disguise (nothing too fancy) and go to a station and put the bag in a locker (it could stay there quite a long time) or alternatively select a crowded (preferably touristic) place where the bag could be left unattended for a few instants in order to allow a pickpocket to lift it and thus get rid of the problem altogether.

T2Bruno · Fri, 5th Feb '10, 9:52pm

DR you could've at least given credit to the movie you took that from ... and included the part about teeth and hair (the teeth don't get digested, not sure about hair).

Quote:

Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig ****, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".

--Snatch (2000)

All you need a boat capable of handling blue water and some weights.

Saber · Fri, 5th Feb '10, 11:05pm

Quote:

Which is?

Cover a room in biodegradable plastic sheets, cut the body up in there (while wearing biodegradable cover-all type things), put the body, plastic sheets, and your clothing in biodegradable garbage bags, drive out to sea where there is a strong current (I forget what he picks, but it runs past Miami into Mexico, and comes from somewhere up north, or maybe vice-versa), and drop the bags. They will sink, then be carried a long ways away, where the bags will then disintegrate and fishes will eat the bodies and the bones will be buried forever.

Splunge · Fri, 5th Feb '10, 11:13pm

Put the body at the desk of a government worker. Motionless and stinky - nobody would notice the difference.

@ any government workers here.

Drew · Fri, 5th Feb '10, 11:13pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by T2Bruno

All you need a boat capable of handling blue water and some weights.

That worked really well for Scott Peterson. Granted, it probably would have worked better if he actually left the bay.

Fri, 5th Feb '10, 6:35pm	#1
Barmy Army Simple mind, simple pleasures... Join Date: May 2003 Location: England Posts: 6,532 Like: 14 Liked 43 Times in 28 Posts vBActivity - Stats XP: 16,264 Level: 36 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 55.84% Daily Activity 2.28% Weekly Activity 128.99% Monthly Activity 56.49% Achievements	How Would You Get Rid Of A Dead Body OK, you've killed someone. You didn't mean to, but **** happens. The authorities can't find out, as the circumstances would look very dodgy. You've got to dispose of the body, how would you do it? Discuss.
	__________________ As blushing can make a harlot pass for a virtuous woman; modesty may make a fool seem a man of sense

Fri, 5th Feb '10, 6:41pm	#2
Splunge SPS Account Holder Bhaal’s financial advisor Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: In hiding after Bhaal became Lord of Murder when I had him put everything into subprime mortgages. Posts: 6,544 Like: 13 Liked 57 Times in 38 Posts vBActivity - Stats XP: 15,910 Level: 36 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 22.79% Daily Activity 2.28% Weekly Activity 93.16% Monthly Activity 51.34% Achievements Awards	That would depende on where the body is.
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Fri, 5th Feb '10, 6:44pm	#3
Blades of Vanatar Vanatar will rise again Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Illinois Posts: 3,550 Like: 36 Liked 41 Times in 29 Posts vBActivity - Stats XP: 9,773 Level: 29 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 53.29% Daily Activity 2.28% Weekly Activity 152.61% Monthly Activity 54.46% Achievements Awards	Just watch the movie "Eating Raoul". Case closed. Seriously(not that this is a serious subject!), I would hide it 1st, preferably somewhere nobody could find/smell it. Only for a day at most. Then I would purchase(with cash only) a roll of plastic to wrap the body. Then it depends. Bury it somewhere that is in no way connected to yourself? Somewhere secluded and hidden, but doesn't draw animals. Somewhere away from main society, like not at the edge of Suburbia, but 100 miles farther out. Maybe 200 miles. Make sure the land is not going to be developed soon, if possible. Stay off of toll roads that can track your vehicle.
	__________________ "Still round the corner there may wait, a new road, or a secret gate." - J.R.R. Tolkien Last edited by Blades of Vanatar; Fri, 5th Feb '10 at 6:54pm.

Fri, 5th Feb '10, 6:59pm	#6
Aldeth the Foppish Idiot Mod Reviewer Armed with My Mallet O' Thinking Froggster Champion! Gold Miner Champion! Straw Game Champion! Tubin Champion! Worm Catcher Champion! Join Date: May 2003 Location: MD Posts: 12,306 Like: 26 Liked 44 Times in 38 Posts vBActivity - Stats XP: 30,004 Level: 46 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 87.04% Daily Activity 2.28% Weekly Activity 119.22% Monthly Activity 46.93% Achievements	OK Barms, if we are discussing this as something we have to actively contemplate, I'm worried. If we're speaking strictly hypothetically, what does your brain do to come up with stuff like this. But to answer the question, I'd stick the body in one of those chipper/shredder/mulcher things. Saw it in a movie once - figured it would be a good way to get rid of evidence.
	__________________ "I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it." - Mark Twain

Fri, 5th Feb '10, 7:13pm	#9
Death Rabbit SPS Account Holder Straight, no chaser Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Jahiera's cleavage Posts: 6,026 Like: 18 Liked 30 Times in 18 Posts vBActivity - Stats XP: 16,732 Level: 36 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 99.48% Daily Activity 2.28% Weekly Activity 8.47% Monthly Activity 13.83% Achievements	Here's what I'd do. You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you've gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You've got to starve the pigs for a few days. Then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig sh*t, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig." But that's me.
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Fri, 5th Feb '10, 6:49pm	#4
Shoshino Irritant Alien Scum Slaughter Champion! Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: South Wales, UK Posts: 2,000 Like: 5 Liked 13 Times in 12 Posts vBActivity - Stats XP: 5,527 Level: 23 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 14.05% Daily Activity 2.28% Weekly Activity 1.95% Monthly Activity 8.68% Achievements	you trying to tell us something Barmy?

Fri, 5th Feb '10, 7:08pm	#7
dmc SPS Account Holder Distinguished Member Moderator Speak softly and carry a big briefcase 3 Card Poker Champion! Balloon Shoot Champion! Bumper Golf Champion! Falldown Champion! Plumber 2 Champion! Rotations Champion! Towerball Champion! Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Los Angeles, California, USA Posts: 6,493 Like: 18 Liked 52 Times in 42 Posts vBActivity - Stats XP: 15,908 Level: 36 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 22.63% Daily Activity 47.84% Weekly Activity 47.56% Monthly Activity 38.1% Achievements Awards	I would think that the wood chipper would be a terrible way to get rid of evidence. The body would be sprayed in thousands of pieces, so you know that some of it would be missed and around for some forensics people to find. Don't you guys watch NCIS, Bones and all of those oh-so-realistic shows?

Fri, 5th Feb '10, 7:12pm	#8
8people SPS Account Holder 8 is just another way of looking at infinite Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Chirofen Posts: 7,140 Blog Entries: 252 Like: 63 Liked 17 Times in 15 Posts vBActivity - Stats XP: 19,562 Level: 39 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 44.39% Daily Activity 2.28% Weekly Activity 1.95% Monthly Activity 1.32% Achievements	Pigs! Hanging around with CSI addicts and geeks they deducted they know some rather co-operative pig farmers.

Fri, 5th Feb '10, 7:36pm	#11
Blades of Vanatar Vanatar will rise again Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Illinois Posts: 3,550 Like: 36 Liked 41 Times in 29 Posts vBActivity - Stats XP: 9,773 Level: 29 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 53.29% Daily Activity 2.28% Weekly Activity 152.61% Monthly Activity 54.46% Achievements Awards	Now, I have seen the Pig Farmer thing in both Hannibal and the TV show Criminal Minds. And the chipper is all Fargo. (Good thing I'm eating my lunch as I type this, the subject matter is the ultimate appetite depresser!). What about keeping the body? I'm not talking about any type of Necro-stuff, but I mean preserving the body and keeping it hid, possibly in an underground cellar?
	__________________ "Still round the corner there may wait, a new road, or a secret gate." - J.R.R. Tolkien

Fri, 5th Feb '10, 7:42pm	#12
8people SPS Account Holder 8 is just another way of looking at infinite Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Chirofen Posts: 7,140 Blog Entries: 252 Like: 63 Liked 17 Times in 15 Posts vBActivity - Stats XP: 19,562 Level: 39 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 44.39% Daily Activity 2.28% Weekly Activity 1.95% Monthly Activity 1.32% Achievements	Or positioned in a jaunty angle

Fri, 5th Feb '10, 7:43pm	#13
Blades of Vanatar Vanatar will rise again Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Illinois Posts: 3,550 Like: 36 Liked 41 Times in 29 Posts vBActivity - Stats XP: 9,773 Level: 29 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 53.29% Daily Activity 2.28% Weekly Activity 152.61% Monthly Activity 54.46% Achievements Awards	If you live in an area with a car pool lane, you got your everyday passenger.
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Fri, 5th Feb '10, 7:50pm	#14
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Fri, 5th Feb '10, 8:06pm	#16
Shoshino Irritant Alien Scum Slaughter Champion! Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: South Wales, UK Posts: 2,000 Like: 5 Liked 13 Times in 12 Posts vBActivity - Stats XP: 5,527 Level: 23 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 14.05% Daily Activity 2.28% Weekly Activity 1.95% Monthly Activity 8.68% Achievements	first got to remove any forensic evidence, so first I would bathe the body in caustic soda or a perklone or hydrocarbon based solvent (need a respirator for the solvents), messy I know but needs must, then (since I have a flat freezer) freeze the body and then crush it.

Fri, 5th Feb '10, 8:35pm	#17
NOG (No Other Gods) Going to church doesn't make you a Christian Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Virginia Beach Posts: 4,883 Like: 0 Liked 1 Time in 1 Post vBActivity - Stats XP: 11,729 Level: 31 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 90.22% Daily Activity 2.28% Weekly Activity 1.95% Monthly Activity 1.32% Achievements	Acid. Muriatic acid can be bought as a drain cleaner, and that's basically diluted hydrochloric acid. Just make sure to do this in something ceramic (most tubs are, I think, but a stopper may be a problem). You can do it at home and there's no need for anyone else to get involved. Buy a couple big bottles of muriatic acid (in different stores, with cash) and you're good.
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Fri, 5th Feb '10, 9:04pm	#18
Gaear SPS Account Holder Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 1,678 Like: 48 Liked 68 Times in 45 Posts vBActivity - Stats XP: 4,749 Level: 21 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 66.5% Daily Activity 59.23% Weekly Activity 101.3% Monthly Activity 56.12% Achievements Awards	You guys would all be caught eventually. The only way to be certain that you wouldn't would be for there to be absolutely no evidence pointing to you, and the fact that right off the bat you're already in possession of the body pretty much rules that out.

Fri, 5th Feb '10, 9:26pm	#19
Disciple of The Watch Preparing The Coming of The New Order Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Negative sub-plane of darkness and anger Posts: 7,028 Blog Entries: 42 Like: 0 Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts vBActivity - Stats XP: 16,188 Level: 36 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 48.7% Daily Activity 2.28% Weekly Activity 1.95% Monthly Activity 1.32% Achievements	I like NOG's idea. As for the bones, well... grind the crap out of 'em and use it to fertilize trees, a garden, a coffee plantation that hides a secret... Crap. Said too much already.
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Fri, 5th Feb '10, 9:29pm	#20
NOG (No Other Gods) Going to church doesn't make you a Christian Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Virginia Beach Posts: 4,883 Like: 0 Liked 1 Time in 1 Post vBActivity - Stats XP: 11,729 Level: 31 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 90.22% Daily Activity 2.28% Weekly Activity 1.95% Monthly Activity 1.32% Achievements	Actually, with time, the acid could even take care of the bones. If you live alone, it's not a problem. As for being caught, realistically, you could leave the body there and have good odds of never being arrested. Only about 50% of murders are cleared by conviction in the US, and that's the highest rate of all our crimes (don't even ask what the theft clearance rate is).
	__________________ "He is a fool who would trade happiness for freedom, or freedom for peace."

Fri, 5th Feb '10, 9:45pm	#21
Caradhras I may be bad... but I feel gooood! Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Lugdunum Posts: 4,108 Blog Entries: 9 Like: 9 Liked 15 Times in 9 Posts vBActivity - Stats XP: 10,386 Level: 30 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 30.46% Daily Activity 2.28% Weekly Activity 1.95% Monthly Activity 1.32% Achievements	The pig farm is a classic but another option would be to cut up the body put it into suitcases then get a disguise (nothing too fancy) and go to a station and put the bag in a locker (it could stay there quite a long time) or alternatively select a crowded (preferably touristic) place where the bag could be left unattended for a few instants in order to allow a pickpocket to lift it and thus get rid of the problem altogether.
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Fri, 5th Feb '10, 11:13pm	#24
Splunge SPS Account Holder Bhaal’s financial advisor Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: In hiding after Bhaal became Lord of Murder when I had him put everything into subprime mortgages. Posts: 6,544 Like: 13 Liked 57 Times in 38 Posts vBActivity - Stats XP: 15,910 Level: 36 vBActivity - Bars Level Completion: 22.79% Daily Activity 2.28% Weekly Activity 93.16% Monthly Activity 51.34% Achievements Awards	Put the body at the desk of a government worker. Motionless and stinky - nobody would notice the difference. @ any government workers here.
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